I Finally Got It Write!

I started this blog 4 years ago to become a better writer. I got derailed as the Trump Train careened wildly into the White House, and this blog devolved to a series of angry screeds, questionable memes, and mildly-amusing (at best) cartoons. I continued that cathartic path for the benefit of my mental health, yet somehow I did hone my writing skills. I have a non-fiction book that is 2/3 done, but also badly in need of a rewrite. I will get to that as soon as I finish a book of short story fiction which is about 1/2 done and looking good. And who wouldn’t want a Best of Mite Be Funny coffee table book?

Raise hands

Fine. You can put your hands down. Anyway, my editor/cousin convinced me to submit a short story for publication consideration to someone she knew compiling a book. I had to write about a picture that the publisher had published previously in one of her art books. I chose this beauty.

Elvis - Eric Semelroth - Imitation A La King 1998

I received this email from the publisher a couple days ago …

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What is Wrong with this Blog?

The title of this post could apply to this blog from the very first post, but it is especially applicable now. It used to be that readers could count on a post full of drivel from me almost every single day. You may have noticed (and rejoiced) that my posts have become more sporadic and less Trumpy. As for the latter, I am just sick of that saggy skin sack of lies and monkey feces. Sorry, that’s not fair to monkeys.

monkey mad.gif

Wow, touchy. I said I was sorry. Anyway, I just want Trump impeached and voted out in 2020. I find nothing funny about him any longer.

As for the sporadicity (not a word, but a potential album title) of my posts, that’s another story.

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Your Righting All Wrong

As I continue to write more short stories, I have a cousin who is editing them. She has been a professional editor for decades. I know …

lucky

I am, but not just because she is editing for free. She’s always been like a big sister to me.

aw Aw, right?

I guess that’s why I got her a pair of Fancy Bitch socks for Christmas.

fancy bitch

She’s got a bit of an edge to her, so she loves them. In turn, she just sent me a book. I think the gift is a not-so-subtle tip to use better grammar when writing. If you are serious about becoming a better writer, GET. THIS. BOOK. Oh, sorry, my caps lock and period keys sometimes get stuck due to peanut butter in the keyboard. Here’s the book …

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Write On!

This post is dedicated to all the aspiring bloggers and writers that may read this. No pics, gifs or ‘continue reading’ links to click.

I have officially finished a piece of writing outside of this blog that brings me great satisfaction. My book? Well, maybe not so much. It is about two-thirds complete, but I don’t like it as much as I had hoped. If I don’t like it, how can I expect the general public to like it? Of course, Trump was elected, so I guess quality product is not that important to the general public after all. Further proof of that is that many people consider The Big Bang Theory to be a funny television show. Spoiler alert … it’s not. Anyway, my book is not abandoned, just shelved for a while as I have delved into short story fiction.

When I started writing this blog 3+ years ago to get some writing practice in an attempt to become a better writer, I could not write fiction. Yes, I had tried it in the past, and the attempts were cringe-inducing. I kept one of those attempts to inspire me to do better. Now I have a fictional short story that I really like … A LOT! Wow, I sound almost Trumpian there in praise of my efforts.

But my point in this post is to encourage YOU to keep writing. Take chances. Take risks. Write something different. Write for yourself. You never know where it may lead you. It is taking me down an unexpected fictional path. Well, the path is not fictional, but the resulting stories are. When our internet was out this past week, that was reason enough for me not to work, and I pounded out a first draft of a new story that I also very much like.

I have seen fellow bloggers try to take new paths before with disastrous (my opinion only) results, abandon the project, and go back to doing what they do best. That’s okay. Not all new projects are successes. Case in point … the My Fave Faves feature on this blog. I publicly abandoned ship on the second post of that feature because I realized that even I didn’t care about it. But I like writing about music, so my new feature called New Music for Old Rockers will likely hang around for a bit. It’s a new path for me that pleases me, at least for now. It’s less about me, and more about the music. I’m not interesting, but the music is. I have seen others bloggers branch out in new and interesting (again, my opinion) ways, finding a new path for their writing. Write On!

I would also encourage you to get an editor. I am fortunate to have a cousin who is also my godmother, but who I consider more as an older sister (sounds like a Tennessee family tree) that is also a professional editor and published author. She was the one who had been encouraging me to write for years now. You can blame her for this blog. While she liked my first fictional story, she red-lined it up pretty good in her editing process. I let it sit for six months, partly due to my 2018 mid-term election activity and partly due to wounded pride. After the election, I picked it back up, finally understanding that my cousin, the professional editor, has more skills and experience than I, the hack blogger, will ever have. She was trying to make my story better, and she did. I accepted the edits and it is no less my story, but with a professional edit. So get a second set of eyes on your creations. It can be a blow to your pride, but well worth the experience.

Where will I go from here with my short-story fiction? I guess if I write enough of them, that could be a book. I’m not sure, but that’s the path I’m headed down now. I will not be publishing them here. I feel comfortable in saying that if you are reading this blog, then I can’t trust you or your judgement. You will have to be content with another Mite Be Funny cartoon tomorrow. I know, I know. I announced a hiatus for Mite Be Funny, and there was much rejoicing. I even attended several ‘Mite Be Funny Ends!’ parties. I started Mite Be Funny with the unrealistic goal of 100 cartoons. Tomorrow will be #102. I can’t stop. It pleases me. That’s my point in this post. Write what pleases you. Write On!

Show Me The Money!

Some bloggers make money off their blogs. I don’t know how to do that.

I see other blogs selling products. I don’t know how to do that.

I see other blogs plastered with advertising. I don’t know how to do that.

I see other blogs with affiliate links. I don’t know how to do that, and on top of that, I don’t know what affiliate links are. If they are anything like sausage links, I am willing to learn about them.

Despite my general lack of knowledge about blogging and specific lack of knowledge about making money off blogging, I have decided to monetize this blog in the only way I know how. I’ll take a hundred bucks to make this my last blog post ever. You know you want to be the one to shut this down. Make me an offer before I post again.

Blog Shutdown

Due to the continuing US government shutdown, this blog (deemed as non-essential by the Trump Administration) will not be posting for a few days. Finally, you can be grateful to Donald Trump for something. Any posts that may occur will likely be lacking humor. I hope you will be able to tell the difference.

Thanks to a generous grant from CACA (Corporation Advancing Cartoon Arachnids), Mite Be Funny has been fully funded through tomorrow, and Mite Be Funny #100 will post tomorrow as scheduled. We are seeking further funding from organizations like FFF (Foundation For Flies) to continue to bring you such regular features like Flies On Washington Walls cartoons. Don’t hold your breath.

Another Blogging Secret Revealed

I’m not sure what this says about me or this blog, but I tend to add more followers on the days I don’t post.

A Weight Has Been Lifted

My life has been decidedly different the past two months. Sure, the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s holidays have played a role in changing my life as I have been selling my blood plasma weekly in order to pay for holiday entertaining and presents. Do you know how hard it is to type when you’re woozy from being a pint low? But that’s not the real change. I’m talking about shedding a weight that has rested heavy on my shoulders the past two years. I know, I know, I should also shed some weight around my mid-section. But that weight on my shoulders was formidable, and now it is almost completely gone, lifting itself from my shoulders pound by pound daily over the past two months. And it has definitely changed this blog. Thank God something has. I’ll explain.

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2018 Follower of the Year Award

I’m used to seeing the featured image on today’s blog, except normally with one less finger on each hand extended. But it is that time of the year to cross your fingers and hope to be the lucky one to be chosen the 2018 Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Follower of the Year. As I mentioned in a recent blog post, the 2017 winner went on to snare a high paying job in 2018. This could be you in 2019!

crossing guard

No, not a crossing guard, but undercover law enforcement or a drug kingpin in a speeding getaway car. Regardless of whether or not you score a high-paying job, you’ll always be the 2018 Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Follower of the Year. So, without further ado … oh, wait. We need a drumroll befitting this award.

drumroll belly

Perfect. The 2018 Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Follower of the Year is …

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I Missed Another Blogging Milestone

I don’t know how it happened. I was watching the number of followers of this blog slowly rise from almost nobody to a few misguided souls seeking succor and comfort from my words. And if that is what you seek from this blog, boy, did you come to the wrong place.

Despite my vigilance, I missed the addition of a follower that helped us reach the … get ready for this … dizzying amount of a quarter of a thousand followers. That’s right, despite my best efforts at worst writing, almost zero promotion (I’m not counting that scathing review of this blog in the Crabtree Corners Courier last summer), and a complete lack of continuity or theme to this blog, we now have well over ten times the number of blog followers as attendees at a Steve Bannon Holiday Inn campaign stop in Kansas to promote Steve Watkins for Congress.

Bannon Kansas2

Now that I have a quarter of 1,000 (whoa, check out all those zeroes!) followers, it almost makes me want to try harder. Nah. But there is a potential windfall coming up in less than a week for one lucky follower.

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Thanks Trump, for Wasting our Time

I have invented a time-saving grammar innovation to help revolutionize the world. However, due to Donald Trump, I can’t implement it across the USA. I will explain.

We’re always wasting time. A good example is this blog. I wasted time writing this post, and now I’m wasting your time as you read it. You’re welcome! Sure, an easy solution would be for me to stop blogging. How many of you have asked the question, “Why does he keep writing that drivel?”

hands up

Hey, that was rhetorical. Hands down please.

I wondered if there wasn’t another way to save time so I could still waste time with this blog. I set to work on a solution.

deep thought

But I couldn’t come up with anything because the room was full of floating mathematical equations. Geez, those are annoying.

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I Kissed My Sister

Figuratively, not literally. I don’t even have a sister. In fact, I’m an only child which explains a lot. But I recently figuratively kissed my sister. I have had a short story published. Yes, you will be able to read it. Be patient and read on. No, it is not a story about kissing my sister.

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Milestones

I’m off to Orlando on a business trip which once again underscores the complete lack of glamour in business travel. There is no place I would like to be less than the land of heat, humidity, and screaming kids at the height of summer. The trade show I am attending used to be held in Miami Beach in the summer. It was a lot easier for me to justify heading to the ocean than staying in the Mouse’s house nowhere near the ocean, but right in the midst of tens of thousands of vacationing kids. I truly dread this trip.

As I prepped for this trip, I realized that I had once again surpassed a couple milestones.

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Very Short Stories

I just finished the basics for what I consider my first proper short story. Sure, I’ve written a lot before including over 1000 posts here, but this is a real short story with words and not gifs, punctuation with proper use of apostrophes & parentheses, gerunds & infinitives, fictional characters that are not Donald Trump (we would be so lucky if Trump was a fictional character), a plot and not my usual rambling screed (which is where I sense this blog post is headed), and some meaning and message rather than the usual head-scratching jokey post.

So now what? I could publish it here and watch as one of my blog readers takes it and sells it to Hollywood as a major motion picture screenplay starring Chris Pratt and Scarlett Johannson. You greedy bastards. You would cut me out, wouldn’t you? Just for that, I have decided to do this instead …

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Risky Blogness

I am literally risking my life by writing this blog post. That is not a lie, but surely an exaggeration. My wife has told me a million zillion times not to exaggerate. How am I supposed to write this blog if I don’t? But I am under doctor’s orders to not travel (business trip canceled), do not exert myself (what I do best), don’t type (you, the reader, would surely benefit) and see him 2 more times after already seeing him 2 times since Monday. People may soon start to talk. And it all stems from waking up to this on Tuesday …

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I Missed My 1000th Post

Not literally. I was actually present for my 1000th post since I created it, but I just didn’t realize it was such a momentous post, relatively speaking. I had seen a few weeks back that I was closing in on 1000 time-wasters, and I figured if I planned carefully, I could make a Mite Be Funny cartoon my 1000th post. Mite Be Funny may not be funny at times, but is my favorite part of this blog. Well, that was the last thought I had about any 1000th post planning, and it turns out that if I didn’t plan at all (that’s what I do best!), a Mite Be Funny cartoon was still the 1000th post. And what a Mite Be Funny cartoon … topical for Earth Day, multi-panel to prolong your laughgasm, wryly humorous as always, and chock full o’ big words! I nailed it! If you could only see me now, feet up, arms crossed, smug look on my face, head nodding knowingly, snifter of brandy in hand which is spilling all over since my arms are crossed. Geez, that’s going to leave a stain. But my smugositude will be short-lived. Why, you ask?

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I Feel Guilty

I feel guilty about not blogging on Saturday. It wouldn’t have been too difficult. It never is, as reflected by the normal quality of my blog posts. But I had a reason …

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Where is my Blogshop?

I don’t have many blog followers. That’s OK. I follow a blog that has over 10,000 followers. I don’t want that. I sometimes feel bad for him as he has to respond to many dumb comments. Sometimes I feel bad enough that I even think that I should stop writing those dumb comments.

Anyway, I know the reasons this blog is not very popular. I don’t promote it. There’s no consistency or theme. And then there’s always the chance of a running into a post like this featuring a picture like this …

Labrador in a pot

I consider a post a success if I get “likes” from 5% of my followers. But here’s what I can’t figure out …

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Sign of the Times

I can’t wait for the ground to thaw enough to get my new sign in the ground in front of my house.

Sign.jpg

I wish I had purchased more … a LOT more, but not because I have that big of a front yard. And Christmas is after the November election, so I didn’t want to buy them as Christmas gifts, and I also don’t have that many friends which should come as no surprise to readers of this blog.

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i thought my phone was broken this morning

Wow, catchy title to this blog post. It is so lame that I couldn’t bring myself to capitalize any words in the title, not even the personal pronoun. I can see why this blog was recently voted Most Likely to Suck at the 2017 Bloggie Awards. If the title of this blog post captured your imagination and curiosity, then you should get out more. But first, read on if you must.

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