Thanks Trump, for Wasting our Time

I have invented a time-saving grammar innovation to help revolutionize the world. However, due to Donald Trump, I can’t implement it across the USA. I will explain.

We’re always wasting time. A good example is this blog. I wasted time writing this post, and now I’m wasting your time as you read it. You’re welcome! Sure, an easy solution would be for me to stop blogging. How many of you have asked the question, “Why does he keep writing that drivel?”

hands up

Hey, that was rhetorical. Hands down please.

I wondered if there wasn’t another way to save time so I could still waste time with this blog. I set to work on a solution.

deep thought

But I couldn’t come up with anything because the room was full of floating mathematical equations. Geez, those are annoying.

Once I cleared the room, I got back to thinking. It wasn’t long before …

deep thought1

I felt the need to scare some birds.

But finally, an idea emerged to revolutionize life in these United States.


My wife is always asking me questions like …

  • Did I fix the door?
  • Did I weed the garden?
  • Did I lose 15 pounds?
  • Did I see the doctor for that oozing pustule on my back?
  • Did I practice good hygiene by showering?
  • Did I commit to being a good husband and father?

The answer to all those questions? Not yet. Two words. Go ahead, count them if you don’t believe me. Wouldn’t it be easier and faster if we had a single-syllable contraction for those two words? I present to you …


Did I shave my back? N’yet.

Nice, simple, mono-syllabic. That’s a 50% savings in words and 1/3 savings in letters. You can’t get that kind of savings in your local Wal-Mart. It has the potential to catch on like pneumonia in a nursing home, except …

Unfortunately, thanks to Vladamir Putin and his puppet stooge Donald Trump, the word ‘nyet’ has a less than desirable connotation these days in the USA (no collusion!). I don’t think it would easily become a well-accepted and much-loved contraction like can’t or they’re. And if ‘they’re’ is a tricky contraction for you, just remember this handy phrase that perfectly explains the their/there/they’re grammar rule.

They’re using their grammar over there while their there’s are there as they’re. 

Simple! I have that tattooed on my inner thigh for easy reference. Feel free to avail yourself of it anytime.

So have I really accomplished anything? N’yet, but still thinking on it.

deep thought2