Post-Election Disappointment

I attended my first monthly meeting as an elected Township Trustee. I have been somewhat disappointed. While I discovered that I now have an official nameplate which is very nice, I learned that I will NOT be receiving any of the following:

  • Badge
  • Uniform
  • Cap
  • Gun

The disappointment is hard to hide, so I don’t even try. I openly weeped through most of the monthly meeting. But then, my spirits were lifted when this arrived for me …

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Lollapalooza Doppelganger

I recently dedicated a blog post to Lollapalooza, so I wanted to be fair and give some free blog publicity to an event hosted by the My Pillow guy that I think is most accurately called Loserpalooza.

I’m currently not busy that day, but I swear I’ll find something, anything to do that doesn’t involve seeing that train wreck. However, that didn’t stop me from getting these …

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Is Chicago Dangerous?

In my real life, I have a customer who is terrified of Chicago. I’m guessing he listened to Trump and Fox News as they have framed Chicago like a war zone. My customer would always warn me about staying away from Chicago. We love to visit the city, and have never felt in danger. Chicago is truly one of the great cities in the world. I finally told my customer in no uncertain terms about what a wonderful city Chicago is, and I haven’t heard anything about Chicago from him since then. Good! If I want to hear lies, I’ll tune in directly to Fox News.

Look, Chicago is a big city, and murders happen, mostly with guns coming from deep red Republican Indiana. Damn Hoosiers! Chicago has almost 2.7 million people within its city limits including my 2 oldest children. They live in a neighborhood that 30 years ago was dangerous. Now, that neighborhood is absolutely delightful … except for the rats. The rats chewed through wiring in my son’s car, and my daughter has seen rats in her apartment’s basement while doing laundry. I noticed this rat-related sign during our last visit to see our kids in Chicago.

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The Importance of Being Ernst

This picture featuring ultra-conservative Republican (redundant) Iowa Senator Joni Ernst has been floating around social media.

I was disappointed to read that her poster was photoshopped. It’s so hard to tell these days. This is what the actual poster showed.

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I Lost But Still Won

That’s the problem with today’s world. I come in 4th place, but I still am considered a winner. It looks like my Third Runner Up finish is good enough to claim to be elected.

I may have been able to do better, but I think I lost some votes during the swimsuit portion of the election.

This is an unexpected win for me, and I know my opponents did not expect it. They were appalled that anyone dare run against them. They make me think of this line I like from Patrick Kane of the Chicago Black Hawks.

To those who may think I don’t deserve to win, am not qualified, didn’t campaign fairly, or maybe even rigged the election, all I can say is, “That’s democracy, baby!”

Election Drive

With my local election just 5 days away, I’m pulling out all the stops to gain votes. I added this to my car’s rear window …

I think it may be too subtle. If we learned anything from Trump supporters, it was to go big or go home. Personally, I always hoped they’d go home and stay home. If mine wasn’t a leased vehicle, I would be inclined to go all in with something like this …

Of course, with the Flanigan name rather than Trump on it. But I can’t afford to own a nice truck like that. This would likely be about the best I could pay for …

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Popular Alien Mechanics

I spotted this bombshell from Popular Mechanics …

Big deal. From 2017 through 2020, I swore I was living in an alien world with freaky, heavily-armed creatures wearing red caps walking around spouting unintelligible nonsense. Upon further review, they might be related to this inner Earth alien world that Popular Mechanics references. The Pop Mech article does mention “dense spots.” This country is still full of dense spots walking around, but without as many red caps recently. These days, you can identify them by the masks under their chins rather than over their faces.

Who’s Hiding My Pillow (Guy)?

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy and rabid Trump supporter, has apparently gone into hiding. He claims it is because of threats on his life. Methinks he is more likely hiding from process servers who have Dominion Voting Systems lawsuit papers for him.

If you have the stomach to recall, Lindell promised time after time to blow the lid off the 2020 election fraud and implicate Dominion Voting Systems. Except … he never did. He had lots of opportunities. He even made a movie about the election rigging. Except … the movie didn’t prove anything. It was full of spurious claims that Lindell swore he could prove. Except … he never did.

So, now he is keeping a low profile. Dominion had to hire a private investigator to locate crackpot attorney Sidney Powell to serve her with the lawsuit papers. Maybe they will have to do the same with Lindell.

Well, I’m down with Lindell hiding. It would be a feather in his cap to evade process servers that may blanket the area looking for him. I can’t play the role of comforter to him as I don’t like that he’s still in bed with Trump and that he continues to insist there was an election cover-up. That just foaments hate and unrest. It sounds like a bunch of sheet to me. And one last thing about pillows …

Please Rise and Put Your Hands Over Your Ears for the National Anthem

I have a big day of blogging ahead for me as I reveal the final total of my winter weight gain in a post later today or tonight or tomorrow morning or whenever the hell I find the time to finish it. Stop rushing me! Before I start all my bloggishness, please join me in the National Anthem, as sung by Sailor Sabol at CPAC 2021, the right wing conservative conference, white supremacist meet & greet, and COVID super-spreader event. Feel free to put your hand over your heart, but I suggest you move both hands over your ears about halfway in as this Sailor encounters choppy waters (no relation to Muddy Waters).

Look, I can’t sing, but I am self-aware enough to know that I can’t sing. We’ve all seen those anthem videos when the singer forgets the words. We should have been so fortunate with Sailor. I wondered what key Sailor was singing in. It turns out – all of them.

This is the political party that wraps themselves in the American flag and claims to bleed red, white, and blue. If Republicans are so damn patriotic, get a good singer for the anthem at your events.

By the way, in exchange for the use of that YouTube video in this blog post, I am contractually obligated to mention that Sailor Sabol is available for bookings at weddings, bar and baht mitzvahs, and waterboardings.

Can’tcun for Cruz

Once again, the crack invetigative team at JimFlanigan.com has uncovered the REAL reason Ted Cruz cut short his Cancun vacation. No, it wasn’t his concern for his Texas constituents. And it wasn’t concern for the family dog they left behind in a cold house. Was it that his wife Heidi didn’t want to spend time with him?

Ouch. Maybe. But I’m sure he wanted to spend some quality time with his kids. Let’s take a look …

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A Cataclysmic Failure

There were several powerful speeches given at Donald Trump’s second impeachment trial that opened Tuesday. One of his attorneys, Bruce Castor, did not make one of those powerful speeches.

If I hire an attorney for any reason, there are 2 things I definitely don’t want that attorney to do:

  1. Praise the opposing attorney’s presentation.
  2. Suggest I be arrested and prosecuted.

If you don’t want to listen to all of Castor’s defense, this sums it up pretty well …

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