I Lost But Still Won

That’s the problem with today’s world. I come in 4th place, but I still am considered a winner. It looks like my Third Runner Up finish is good enough to claim to be elected.

I may have been able to do better, but I think I lost some votes during the swimsuit portion of the election.

This is an unexpected win for me, and I know my opponents did not expect it. They were appalled that anyone dare run against them. They make me think of this line I like from Patrick Kane of the Chicago Black Hawks.

To those who may think I don’t deserve to win, am not qualified, didn’t campaign fairly, or maybe even rigged the election, all I can say is, “That’s democracy, baby!”

Election Drive

With my local election just 5 days away, I’m pulling out all the stops to gain votes. I added this to my car’s rear window …

I think it may be too subtle. If we learned anything from Trump supporters, it was to go big or go home. Personally, I always hoped they’d go home and stay home. If mine wasn’t a leased vehicle, I would be inclined to go all in with something like this …

Of course, with the Flanigan name rather than Trump on it. But I can’t afford to own a nice truck like that. This would likely be about the best I could pay for …

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Popular Alien Mechanics

I spotted this bombshell from Popular Mechanics …

Big deal. From 2017 through 2020, I swore I was living in an alien world with freaky, heavily-armed creatures wearing red caps walking around spouting unintelligible nonsense. Upon further review, they might be related to this inner Earth alien world that Popular Mechanics references. The Pop Mech article does mention “dense spots.” This country is still full of dense spots walking around, but without as many red caps recently. These days, you can identify them by the masks under their chins rather than over their faces.

Who’s Hiding My Pillow (Guy)?

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy and rabid Trump supporter, has apparently gone into hiding. He claims it is because of threats on his life. Methinks he is more likely hiding from process servers who have Dominion Voting Systems lawsuit papers for him.

If you have the stomach to recall, Lindell promised time after time to blow the lid off the 2020 election fraud and implicate Dominion Voting Systems. Except … he never did. He had lots of opportunities. He even made a movie about the election rigging. Except … the movie didn’t prove anything. It was full of spurious claims that Lindell swore he could prove. Except … he never did.

So, now he is keeping a low profile. Dominion had to hire a private investigator to locate crackpot attorney Sidney Powell to serve her with the lawsuit papers. Maybe they will have to do the same with Lindell.

Well, I’m down with Lindell hiding. It would be a feather in his cap to evade process servers that may blanket the area looking for him. I can’t play the role of comforter to him as I don’t like that he’s still in bed with Trump and that he continues to insist there was an election cover-up. That just foaments hate and unrest. It sounds like a bunch of sheet to me. And one last thing about pillows …

Please Rise and Put Your Hands Over Your Ears for the National Anthem

I have a big day of blogging ahead for me as I reveal the final total of my winter weight gain in a post later today or tonight or tomorrow morning or whenever the hell I find the time to finish it. Stop rushing me! Before I start all my bloggishness, please join me in the National Anthem, as sung by Sailor Sabol at CPAC 2021, the right wing conservative conference, white supremacist meet & greet, and COVID super-spreader event. Feel free to put your hand over your heart, but I suggest you move both hands over your ears about halfway in as this Sailor encounters choppy waters (no relation to Muddy Waters).

Look, I can’t sing, but I am self-aware enough to know that I can’t sing. We’ve all seen those anthem videos when the singer forgets the words. We should have been so fortunate with Sailor. I wondered what key Sailor was singing in. It turns out – all of them.

This is the political party that wraps themselves in the American flag and claims to bleed red, white, and blue. If Republicans are so damn patriotic, get a good singer for the anthem at your events.

By the way, in exchange for the use of that YouTube video in this blog post, I am contractually obligated to mention that Sailor Sabol is available for bookings at weddings, bar and baht mitzvahs, and waterboardings.

Can’tcun for Cruz

Once again, the crack invetigative team at JimFlanigan.com has uncovered the REAL reason Ted Cruz cut short his Cancun vacation. No, it wasn’t his concern for his Texas constituents. And it wasn’t concern for the family dog they left behind in a cold house. Was it that his wife Heidi didn’t want to spend time with him?

Ouch. Maybe. But I’m sure he wanted to spend some quality time with his kids. Let’s take a look …

Continue reading “Can’tcun for Cruz”

A Cataclysmic Failure

There were several powerful speeches given at Donald Trump’s second impeachment trial that opened Tuesday. One of his attorneys, Bruce Castor, did not make one of those powerful speeches.

If I hire an attorney for any reason, there are 2 things I definitely don’t want that attorney to do:

  1. Praise the opposing attorney’s presentation.
  2. Suggest I be arrested and prosecuted.

If you don’t want to listen to all of Castor’s defense, this sums it up pretty well …

Continue reading “A Cataclysmic Failure”

Pillow Talk

I know the My Pillow CEO is not a high level diplomat or politician. I know he’s just Donald Trump’s conspiracy buddy and treasonous traitor. But geez, he’s visiting the White House. Is it too much to ask to expect him to have his shirttail tucked in? To me, that doesn’t seem to be too big of a request.

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That’s No Lady, That’s a US Senator

I have not altered the following pic in any way other than cropping it out of the Fox News website. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that does NOT appear to be crazy QAnon Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene referenced in the headline.

If that is indeed Greene, I can see why Greene is crazy & angry all the time. Not a good look at all.

You can call me crazy, but that sure looks like Senator Lindsey Graham, Trump’s faithful lapdog. If you ask me, it’s still not a good look for him. But ask yourself this … have you ever seen Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene and Senator Lindsey Graham in the same room together? Think about it. Both last names are very similar. They both have names (Lindsey & Taylor) that can apply to a man or woman. Green represents Georgia while Graham represents South Carolina, which are ajoining states! Graham has the nickname Lady G. Greene has the nickname Crazy QAnon Lunatic Lady. Okay, so that last one doesn’t fit the argument too well, but take a look at this recent pic of Greene I used for the featured image of this revealing post.

Let’s just hope Graham/Greene doesn’t reveal any more in the future.

Greek Geek Gawk

I am sad to say that one of my self-acclaimed and sometimes mildly amusing Mite Be Funny cartoons is NOT the all-time most-viewed post on this blog. It is this monstrosity …

It registers well over 3000 views, and that number continues to grow daily. If you search on Google for “maga hat mark of the best,” my post is at the top of page 2. I hesitate to post a link, but if someone is really interested in the original satirical post on Biblical/political (Biblitical?) numerology, click HERE.

In July, I added this post to disavow the original post as UTTER NONSENSE. It didn’t work. I could just kill the original post, but the views alternately entertain and terrify me. And then this comment from a reader arrived …

Continue reading “Greek Geek Gawk”