I’m Killing it Professionally Today

Good things are happening for me professionally today. As you may have read in one of my previous posts, I am now an elected government official in my township. I went in to the township office to audit and approve some expenses this morning, and was pleasantly surprised to see this …

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Cancel Culture Canceled


I apologize to Cleveland for satirically picking on them, but I am a Chicago White Sox fan.

In this satirical post, I have decided NOT to promote my book of short stories. I don’t want anyone to be confused and think the info about my book is satirical. It’s not. I really did write a book of humorous and contemplative books about the afterlife.

Seriously, if you don’t believe this is real and not just more satire, click this link to buy the book on Amazon for under a buck.

Go ahead, prove it to yourself. I dare you.

Open Water Swimming Was Open – Part 2 – The Temptation

As I teased in my last post, I was tempted after my swim last Saturday. Being America’s Friend, I was speaking to a total stranger despite the stranger wearing very tight shorts and sporting a somewhat satanic beard.

I was also wearing very tight swim shorts, and they were quite wet. We were both standing just outside the women’s locker room. And then the stranger tempted me to do something I haven’t done in years. He slipped me his card with his contact info. If I gave in to the temptation, I would meet the stranger again on the 1st of August for a dalliance into what I can only describe for me as … forbidden fruit.

The stranger had tempted me with this irresistible offer.

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Open Water Swimming Was Open – Part 1

At my age, with a pandemic still raging all around, when there is something I want to do, I know I best do it quickly or maybe never have the chance. I mentioned in a recent post that I want to take my swim across Lake Michigan out of pools and into open water. I wasted no time and did just that this past Saturday.

I found a great lake to do an open water swim, but not a Great Lake. It wasn’t a good weekend to head to Lake Michigan (one of the 5 Great Lakes) to swim, because we are fostering 2 puppies. Who wants to see puppy pictures and video? Well, maybe if you’re nice and like this post, or better still, beg me, I’ll post some puppy stuff. Anyway, I found a great lake just about 40 minutes up the river from us that was hosting a morning open water swim in beautiful, crystal clear waters. Take a look …

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Bored in the Middle of Lake Michigan

Take a look at your calendar, and you’ll see that summer is half over. Unless you live in Canada. Summer’s already over up there. I wonder if it’s already over in Chicago. We’ve had some cool, rainy weather recently, which makes my pool quite chilly and my motivation low to swim in a frigid pool. Today is just such a day. My toes are turning blue at the thought of a pool swim today. Regardless, here we are, halfway through calendric summer, and I’m halfway across Lake Michigan at just over 11 miles into the swim.

I can’t get too bored and stop swimming. I’m figuratively in the middle of the lake. If I stop, I’ll figuratively drown! So, on I swim. But I have to spice things up. I think I need to take this swimapalooza on the road. Sure, I swam in hotel pools the past two weekends in Nebraska and Minnesota. Pardon me while I yawn. I yearn for open water. I feel the need to get some mileage in Lake Michigan itself. I will let you know if I muster the motivation to head to the greatest of the Great Lakes and actually swim in it.


If you have to deal with cool, rainy weather, what better way is there than to curl up with a good book? If you don’t have one, I suggest you settle for my well-reviewed, crappy book.

Click here to order from Amazon for under a buck!

I Made a Friend at the Hotel Pool

As we traveled last weekend, I made sure I got my laps in at the hotel pool, because as readers know, I am swimming across Lake Michigan. One added benefit is that I made a new friend at the pool. I do consider myself America’s friend and sweetheart. He was an older gentlemen, and we were alone in the pool area, ostensibly to swim laps. But he confronted me with, “Can I ask about your weight?” Uh-oh. I looked for the closest exit in case his next question was an invitation to join him in the hot tub. But it wasn’t. He just had a question about my weight. Then my mind flashed to this tweet I had seen and wondered if his question might go this way.

But our conversation didn’t go that route. I told him that he could ask away, and he asked me this legitimate question.

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Another Life Hack from Jim – Hairy Arms

I have hairy arms. They don’t bother me, although a few small children have been frightened. However, I know some readers may wish they had less hairy arms. The solution is simple. Overeat until you are morbidly obese. Your arms will be much larger, your skin will stretch, and there will be much more space between each arm hair giving the impression of overall less hair.


My book of short stories starts with one where God is depicted with very hairy arms.

Click this link to purchase my book on Amazon for less than the cost of a cheap plastic razor to shave your hairy arms.

Mite Be Funny #230 – Bucket Lists


It takes more than a bizarre sense of humor and just a touch of moxie to produce a Mite Be Funny cartoon every Sunday for years now. It takes cash, and lots of it. No wait, that’s my heroin habit. Regardless, send me a buck to keep it going. In return, you get my book of short stories.

Click this link to purchase it on Amazon.

Forgoing Foraging

I’m traveling again this week, this time to Minneapolis, Minnesota, so you know what that means for me – no foraging. And at the height of berry-picking season, too! My family is so thoughtless. I did forage some mulberries, black raspberries, and gooseberries before I left and stuck them in the refrigerator to await my return.

Apparently, our hotel has an issue with guests foraging some of their equipment. This sign was in their elevator.

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What’s the Best Thing to Come out of Iowa?

Interstate 80, of course. That’s an old joke. Also known as I-80, this highway crosses the US from east to west and goes right through Iowa.

This past weekend, we drove 432 miles from our home in Illinois to Omaha, Nebaska on Saturday and back on Sunday for a wedding, most of it on I-80. We almost didn’t make it. Where were my dress shoes? Oh, there they were, back in the dark & dusty recesses of my closet.

I first had to evict the dust bunny that had made my right shoe its burrow. Then, I got the powerwasher out and did my best to clean my shoes. I think they turned out okay, although I may have had the powerwasher turned up just a bit too high. Take a look …

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Weight Loss Through FATSing

No, I didn’t misspell “fasting.” That’s FATSing, my trademarked and patent-pending weight loss scheme scam system. It’s not a diet. It’s a weight loss system. You see, after giving up a month ago on any significant weight loss this summer, I lost 3 pounds in June using my FATSing system. That puts me within 3 pounds of my original goal of losing 20 pounds set over a year ago.

FATSing stands for Fitness Awareness Testing System. And then I stuck an “ing” on the end for no apparent reason. The way the system works is this …

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Mispronunciation Nation

I had a plan. Americans love mispronouncing words. In an effort to make Americans seem smarter (Editor’s Note: You aren’t), I was planning to champion the cause to make the word “supposably” an acceptable alternative pronunciation for supposedly in common parlance. Americans mispronounce it that way all the time. As a significant social media influencer through this blog (Editor’s Note: He’s not), I planned to use “supposably” whenever possible. Supposably, this should have worked. See how easy that was?

Except, supposably is an actual word. Take a look …

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I’m in the Middle of Lake Michigan

I announced earlier this month that I’m swimming 22 miles across Lake Michigan this summer in the safety of my pool and hotel pools, despite their confusing pool rules. So, where am I at the end of June? Just over 7 miles in as shown by the red line.

I’m on schedule considering I missed a couple days at the beginning of June as I tried every gasket and washer in my cache of plumbing supplies to eventually successfully stop a leak in one of the pool connections. 22 miles is still possible if I average a quarter mile each day for July and August.

I know what you’re asking. Am I scared being in the middle of Lake Michigan? Sure, I’m terrified, but that’s normal for me every day after I wake up. And if you look at the map, you can see there’s land close by as I’m near that big peninsula jutting into the lake. That peninsula has a piece of Jim Flanigan history linked to it which I will explain.

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Pool Rules Confuse

Although I was on a short business trip this week, I continued my swim across Lake Michigan by using the hotel pools, despite their confusing rules. For example, there was disinfectant spray all over the place in the workout areas. I get it. I support it. Until everyone gets vaccinated (get vaccinated!), we need to continue to take precautions. But what was I going to do with this spray in the pool area?

There really wasn’t anything for me to wipe down by the pool, but after some thought, I knew just what to do. I dumped the bottle into the pool. It seemed like the only logical thing to do.

The second pool had me confused as soon as I walked in and went to take a towel.

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New Music For Old Rockers – Taking a Walk in the Murder Capital of the USA Edition

While on my recent business trip, I decided to take a walk on a treadmill in the fitness room of my hotel. Here’s the problem … I couldn’t figure out how to get there. It appeared that the elevator would take me to the 7th, 5th, 3rd, or 7th floors.

I took the stairs. Nobody takes the stairs in hotels with elevators. I don’t blame them. Elevators are fun. I like jumping in the elevator while it is moving. Yes, I got one stuck once. Oops.

Anyway, the stairs led me straight to the laundry room on the first floor. Oops, again. I saw a door and headed toward it, hoping it would take me to the hotel lobby. Nope. It was an exit. There I was, standing outside in St. Louis … the murder capital of the USA. Oops, thrice.

So, I made the bold decision to take this sage advice printed on my hotel room key packet.

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