No Smell Hotel

I’m on the road again for business this week, but decided to stop and see my middle daughter at college along the way. It was a good place to stay for the night as it is about halfway to my business destination, and I found a hotel in town that would cost me all of $45, including tax. More importantly, this hotel did not have a number as part of its name. But how could it be a numberless hotel and be so cheap? I pulled into the parking lot with a bit of trepidation, but it was only one night. I was ready for the worst.

I entered the lobby and sniffed. No smell like I would expect from a $45 hotel. It looked neat and clean. I asked the desk clerk why it was so cheap, er economically-priced I quickly corrected before he could assign me to the murder room with a chalk outline on the floor. He had no idea. “Corporate,” he explained without actually explaining anything.

I continued to sniff like Donald Trump at a press conference as I headed down the hallway to my room. Nothing. I opened the room. Sniff, sniff. Nothing. It was a nice, clean, odor-free room. I was tired and fell asleep faster than if I had been at an actuarial seminar.

I had a good night’s sleep and woke up feeling good. I opened the drapes to see how the morning looked. It looked something like this …

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I am not a title stutterer. That WWOWW stands for the Wonderful Women Of Wildrose & Wildwood, a couple of the neighborhoods in the 8th Precinct of St Charles Township. Those women hijacked my 8th Precinct last weekend. I was a willing hijackee, or would that be a hijackass in my case?

As the elected Democratic Precinct Committeeperson in the 8th Precinct of St Charles Township, my sole job is to get Democrats in the precinct to vote. It means a lot of walking, knocking on doors, talking to people, begging people, bribing people, threatening people, distributing candidate & voting literature, and trying not to get bit by dogs or Republicans or snakes, as if you could tell the difference between the last two mentioned.

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A Picture is Worth 120 Indictments

As seen on 60 Minutes, now hanging in the White House is this …

Republican Prez Pic

I guess they were out of the picture of dogs playing poker.

I really do think it is magnanimous of Donald Trump to display a painting of Alec Baldwin’s characterization of Trump. I mean, that can’t possibly be Trump, unless he has hidden about 60 pounds of flab behind him. Maybe that’s what his right arm is holding. If that is the case, poor Gerald Ford.

That picture represents 120 indictments and 89 prison sentences. I don’t expect that number to grow. Oh, you seem surprised. I mean, I don’t think Alec Baldwin or his people are going to get into enough trouble to generate indictments.


Justice is a Fantasy

I had planned on renaming my family league’s 0-5 winless fantasy football team this week  from the Baby Blimps …

Baby blimp

to the Losingest Losers of Loserville. I swear I have played fantasy football before, and even won the league last season. Whatever could be distracting me?

For the Losingest Losers of Loserville, I could have used this team logo …

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I’m Smarter Than Brett Kavanaugh

I really do think I am smarter than Brett Kavanaugh. Sure, he went to Yale. I went to Elmhurst College, known ’round these parts as the Harvard of the Midwest. Harvard > Yale. That’s just a known made-up fact. Brett should understand all about known made-up facts.

There was a time when I qualified to join MENSA, the organization for geniuses, due to my ACT score. But I don’t want to use that rationale anymore since my two oldest children scored better than me, and I don’t want them to get swelled heads.

And speaking of swelled heads, mine is very large. How can I tell? Hats. They rarely fit me unless I shop at a haberdashery  catering to the hydrocephalic. This oversized noggin of mine must be filled with brains or brain-like substances, right?

But the real proof that I am smarter than Brett Kavanaugh is right here …

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