Mite Be Funny #268 – Got Gas?
Hero Time … Again.
I tried to search in this blog for the last time I recently saved a life, but honestly, this blog is loaded so full to the bursting point with nonsense and BS that I can’t find it. But I do recall it. Or maybe it was saving a life by not killing someone. Regardless, I did find this lifesaving story from almost 4 years ago. Anyway, yesterday, while waiting at O’Hare Airport in Chicago for my 13 year old daughter’s flight to arrive after a school trip to Washington, DC and NYC, I did it again. I saved another life.
As I was killing time before my daughter’s flight arrived, I wandered around racking up the steps. It was at the top of a down escalator when I noticed an older woman struggling a bit to take the escalator down. It looked like she planned to ride the handrail of the escalator down rather than standing on the steps. And that doesn’t normally go well.
Then I realized this woman had missed the steps, and she was hung up straddling the handrail. If you are younger, missing the steps can be okay as demonstrated by this guy.
Continue reading “Hero Time … Again.”If a totally hypothetical former President gets divorced for a third time, gets remarried, and somehow reelected, will his new wife be known as The Fourth Lady? Asking for a friend. Just kidding, he doesn’t have any.
Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?
Editor’s Note: I don’t have editorial access to change the title, but I can add a revised title below.
Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy Moron?
Editor’s Note: That’s better. Read on.
The other day, I received two financial rewards in the mail. One was a check for over $9000 from a customer paying their invoice from my small business. The other was a $50 Visa gift card as payment for my participation in one of my market research taste tests. I know the financial ramifications of receiving that $9000 check are better for my family, but I was more excited about the $50 Visa gift card. Am I a bad guy?
Editor’s Note: Let’s change that last line to match the revised title.
Am I a bad guy moron?
Editor’s Note: That’s better, and YES!
Academy Award Thoughts
It was so weird watching the Academy Awards, knowing that I will probably be walking the red carpet there next year. Yep, I got the script for the movie that I will be in, and I see an Oscar in my future. Here’s the part of the script that pertains to me.
“They endure whispers and stares from the sparse all white, post lunch crowd.“
Hey, that’s me, one of the sparse, all white, restaurant patrons. I fully expect a nomination for Best Extra in a Non-Speaking Background Role in a Short-Subject Film. I’m trying to pattern my whispering after Norm Macdonald.
Now that’s top notch whispering. And as far as staring …
Continue reading “Academy Award Thoughts”Mite Be Funny #267 – Final Four Edition
Where’ve I Been?
Like you really care. I’ve been silent for most of this week, and I haven’t even received one “Please Post Soon” card. All I’ve gotten is an overdue gas bill warning me that I’ll be without gas if I don’t pay. As if I would ever be gasless. I wish! So does this Brazilian model.
Although I warned you that there may be changes coming to this blog, at least fart content remains. Full fart story here. Most changes I had planned were pertaining specifically to how this blog looks, content, ads, etc. That hasn’t really worked out as planned. It seems that unless I give WordPress a lot of money each year to “upgrade” this blog, then some desired features are unavailable to me. More money poured into this blog? That’s like investing in WorldCom and ain’t happening.
But there are a couple really good things happening.
Continue reading “Where’ve I Been?”Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?
People must think I am a considerate driver. When I come to an intersection with other cars, I often wave the other cars to go ahead of me, even if it should rightly be my turn. But I don’t do it to be a considerate driver. I do it because it gives me an incredible feeling of complete and ultimate control over the other cars and their drivers, like I’m dictating their actions and bending them to my will with a casual wave of my hand. I determine when they come and when they go. They have absolutely no control. It kind of makes me feel all powerful, and dare I say godlike or at least giant handlike like this …
Am I a bad guy?
Mite Be Funny #266
Goodbye Emmy, Hello Oscar
I’m not sure why my last post was sadder. Was it because I did not get an extra role in the Netflix series filming in my town this past week, or was it because I have a pathetic desire to get on television? Maybe both?
Well, I turned the page and snagged a movie role instead. Could there be an Oscar in my future? Definitely! I think Oscar is the name of the cameraman who will be filming the movie.
So, which movie? Here’s a synopsis.
And did I snag the lead role of old racist George?
Continue reading “Goodbye Emmy, Hello Oscar”My Emmy Dreams are Fading Fast
I had plans to revive my television career and win an Emmy in 2022, but those plans took a hit this past weekend. Oh, did I bury the lead that I previously had a career in television? I had a supporting role on the game show Shop ’til You Drop. I was on a business trip to California many years ago, went to watch a Shop ’til You Drop taping in Hollywood, and was plucked out from among the rabble in the studio audience to play a supporting role on that episode. I got to wear a colorful clown wig saturated with shampoo that contestants smelled in an effort to guess the brand of shampoo. I wore the wig well, bringing a never before seen regal dignity to the role and fully expected an Emmy nomination for my performance. Sadly, it never came. Probably due to the Irish prejudice rife in Hollywood in those days as evidenced by this Itchy & Scratchy cartoon from that era.
After hanging around the studio’s back alley entrance for a few weeks unsuccessfully waiting to be discovered after my breakout role, I grudgingly left Sin City to return to my career as the Sales & Marketing Manager for a Midwestern temperature sensor manufacturer. Yawn. It was difficult after having tasted the forbidden fruit growing on the seamy underbelly of Hollywood. Oh, wait, scratch that. I forgot, my wife sometimes reads this mess.
Anyhoo, I fully expected that my television career was about to be resurrected this past weekend after seeing this in the local paper.
Continue reading “My Emmy Dreams are Fading Fast”Vacation Planning Time
If COVID is indeed on the wane, then now is the time to plan a summer vacation. I’m doing so by eliminating parts of the country where I definitely won’t vacation. It’s pretty automatic to eliminate the whole West Coast due to annual summer wildfires, sometimes referred to as liberal barbeques by Republicans. But this year, I’m also eliminating the whole East Coast. Why?
That’s enough to keep me away from Rhode Island, but the actual details are much worse than I ever expected.
Continue reading “Vacation Planning Time”Wordle Wisdom
Always remember, success at Wordle primarily involves luck and happenstance, except for the times you solve like this …
Then, Wordle is 100% dependent upon skill, intelligence, charm, savoir faire, and dashing good looks.
Mite Be Funny #265 – Mite Be Irish
I Can Finally Speak Truth
When I last checked, there were 461,595 people ahead of me in line to get truthing on Trump’s new Truth Social platform.
No matter how many times I clicked on that spinning refresh icon next to that large number, the app still showed me at 461,596th. And then all of a sudden, I got an email telling me I’m in! Allow me to clarify … I received 24 emails telling me I was in. As the email clearly stated, “we are still fixing many bugs in our technology.” Well, I guess that’s some truth.
The app directed me to set-up a profile. I needed a Truth Social name, profile pic, and background pic.
I waited to be immediately blocked, but I was surprised to see this.
Continue reading “I Can Finally Speak Truth”My March to Weight Loss
I need to focus on March for weight loss, because February was a disaster. I gained a pound. On second thought, considering world events, the added pound in February probably doesn’t really qualify as a disaster.
It wasn’t for lack of effort that I gained weight. My steps/cycles remained consistent.
Negating those consistent steps was my love for chocolate and Valentine’s Day intersecting. It would help if my wife bought me chocolate from the dollar store rather than from the fancy-schmancy chocolatier in town. Maybe she loves me so much that she wants there to be more of me to love. Well, in February, she got her wish.
But Valentine’s Day was just one day. That can’t be the whole reason for my weight gain. I think I know what the real reason is though.
Continue reading “My March to Weight Loss”Flies On Washington Walls #199
Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?
COVID is over, at least if you shop by us. Now that the indoor mask mandate has been rescinded in Illinois, us masked folks are in the minority now walking around inside stores. I’m conflicted. I know wearing masks is uncomfortable for people, but since we’ve been masking these past 2 years, I have been extremely healthy. Even though I am a well-conditioned (Editor’s Note: False) athlete (Editor’s Note: False) who competes (Editor’s Note: Rarely) at a highly competitive level (Editor’s Note: Very False), I have historically suffered from respiratory illnesses almost like clockwork every winter. Well, not the last two masked winters. I guess I can keep on masking, but there’s also one other issue.
There is a large store by us where I can get a little shopping done while also doing my business banking. And it is so large that I can get a nice long walk in if I walk the inside perimeter of the store a couple times which I do in the cold weather for a change of pace. With everyone masked in the store, I never worried about letting loose with a bit of gas from time to time as the need arose while walking. The ambient noise level in those stores is generally high enough that any toot less than a real cheek flapper is normally not noticeable. And with everyone masked, nobody could smell any of my rippers. It was perfect, but now that masks are gone, people’s olfactory systems are on high alert again.
So, I want the mask mandate reinstated, basically so I don’t get sick and can walk around stores healthy and farting. Am I a bad guy?
Mite Be Funny #264 – Wordling
A Syrupy Post
I’m following up my last Cheesy Post with a syrupy post. I had no idea it was a very special time of the year until I saw this on my walk through my neighborhood today.
Are you thinking it is the season when trees pee blue into buckets placed next to them? No, but close. This pic should make it clearer.
Continue reading “A Syrupy Post”
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 