I Solved a 40+ Year Old Mystery

The 40+ year old mystery had eaten away at my soul like athlete’s foot has eaten away my pinky toe, leaving just a stump of flesh and bone with a nail. Hmm, upon further review, that’s what a pinky toe is normally. Bad analogy. Regardless, the mystery of the band I saw in my first concert while on my first date has been solved. Okay, technically it wasn’t my first concert. I had been to a zither concert (no kidding) with the neighbor kid across the street and his dad. But that doesn’t really count, because we just explored the building and screwed around while the zitherists were zithering. Anyway, the mystery involved my first rock concert on my first date, and it has been solved.

I hurriedly gushed out all the details to my wife. Her crossed arms and steely gaze signaled to me that she would be mad if I left out any detail. When she told me, “You realize that I don’t know any of these people you’re talking about,” I understood that she wanted me to fill her in on every little detail so she would feel she knew the people. I hadn’t seen my wife so excited to hear one of my stories since I regaled her with news of how I resolved my ingrown toenail issue.

Editor’s Note: Sorry about a second toe reference in the first two paragraphs, but the idiot insisted it remain in this post. Might be some sort of weird fetish.

Anyway, I shared the mystery resolution with my wife, and now I’m prepared to share it with you.

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Unable to Mask my Confusion

I spotted this article.

Let me try and get this straight.

  • The anti-maskers refused to wear a mask because the lack of fresh air would kill them.
  • Then, the anti-maskers also became anti-vaxxers once the life-saving vaccines became available.
  • Now, the anti-vaxxers are becoming pro-maskers so the vaccinated (like me) don’t “shed” the vaccine onto them, which is impossible but not as wacky as most of their conspiracy theories.
  • The result is that anti-vaxxers now at least have a modicum of protection from the killer pandemic because of becoming pro-maskers.
  • But have they forgotten about the lack of fresh air killing them if they wear a mask?

These people make my head hurt. We all need to get vaccinated. But if you don’t, wear a mask and feel free to social distance far from me so I don’t “shed” on you.

Editor’s Note: Jim does suffer from occasional seasonal dandruff and may literally shed on you. Distance yourself appropriately.

All Customers Welcome, Regardless of Beliefs

My real profession is in medical equipment sales. I import some large medical imaging equipment for sale in the US, and I sell some therapeutic massage equipment for respiratory therapy and physiotherapy to all parts of the world. I added a new customer the other day for the massage equipment. We sent a massage machine here to this organization in South Dakota …

That sounds lovely, but what do they actually do? This is the explanation given at https://lovegrowsgaia.com/.

Love Grows Gaia is a group of families and individuals who follow universal laws and have traveled with each other or alone to activate Sovereignty throughout the land. Each individual who removes themselves from the systems are in need of transmutations into abundance through a process. It takes “time” to awaken to the deep state and then separate yourself from it.

Got it. They’re a commune, and they want to be left alone. But why? What do they stand for?

Our purpose is to remain in service to the Hueman  collective consciousness awakening and the ascension of Sophia Gaia Tarra aka “earth” activating Rods of illumination here to remind all we are only responsible for our own Source Chords and actions. Consent is absolute and with out it nothing can stay stable in a false reality construct. 

I rescind my question. I can’t argue with that, because I can’t understand that. But I did understand this from their website …

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Forgotten One-Hit Wonders – Twofer Edition (not applicable in Australia)

Well, that’s a confusing title. Our first “Forgotten One-Hit Wonders” post was greeted with such indifference that I decided that maybe a twofer edition would garner twice as many readers. Except, how can there be a twofer edition when the very definition of a one-hit wonder means there was only one hit? And why is this post not applicable in Australia? Have I whipped you into a questioning frenzy yet? Are you foaming at the mouth and falling over backwards with excitement?

Exactly! Well, allow me to first resolve the “not applicable in Australia” issue. In the USA, this band was a one-hit wonder. In Australia, these guys were HUGE with numerous hits. But who are they?

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Weight, Hair, & Election Losses

I normally like to wait a day or two after the end of the month to announce my weight loss for the month. I check my weight for several days in a row before and after the last day of the month to verify that I actually did lose weight that month. But here we are a week into May, and I’m still not sure. My weight bounced around like a ping pong ball at a college fraternity beer pong tournament. Up several pounds one day and down a pound the next. A week into May, and about the only statement I am comfortable making is that I didn’t lose any weight. I’m still staring at losing 10 pounds by the end of warm weather in the fall.

My weight loss plan was at a serious disadvantage in April with Easter coming early in the month. My plan to deal with all the chocolate in the house at Easter was to eat it all as quickly as possible. Success!

Easter was quickly followed two days later by the local election that I lost but still won. Yes, third runner-up was enough to be elected. I felt like a kid at a rec league soccer tournament where everyone gets a trophy. But I think it’s official now that this came in the mail …

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The Price Was Right!

After working in sales & marketing for 3 decades, I knew I had to follow my instincts. The $0.99 price was wrong. I just knew it. I could smell it. Sure, I had been making money at that price. Royalties for my book of short stories had been rolling in for 3 months in a row. Take a look at the royalty notifications in my email.

It’s been nice, but not enough to support the cost of my habit of taking soothing foot baths in baby’s tears, especially with COVID driving up the costs.

I knew I had to run a sale. My nostrils flared at the thought of a sale, and I could feel my heart pounding and working harder. Maybe that was from my high cholesterol, but regardless, I just knew it was the right time for a sale. And so, I dropped the price over last weekend … down to $0.00. Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme, but take a look at the results.

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The Importance of Being Ernst

This picture featuring ultra-conservative Republican (redundant) Iowa Senator Joni Ernst has been floating around social media.

I was disappointed to read that her poster was photoshopped. It’s so hard to tell these days. This is what the actual poster showed.

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Forgotten One-Hit Wonders – Inaugural Edition

I warned you. I’m starting a new series of musical posts despite the undeniable lack of popularity of my music-themed blog posts. So, why am I doing it? Because I want to. As with all my posts, I will try and make them interesting with little twists and tidbits for you, like in my last music post where I revealed that my oldest daughter had been the nanny for the children of Ted Nugent’s private pilot. Now that’s information you just can’t Google!

This series of posts will feature forgotten one-hit wonders. I will try and stay away from wacky novelty songs like “Disco Duck” by radio deejay Rick Dees. I want to remember legit bands or solo artists that did their best to break through, but only had one single, solitary hit before retreating into musical obscurity.

Our inaugural edition features a very talented band that has spawned a modern day music mystery. The band released their debut album in 1976 and found themselves with a hit single on their hands that reached #9 on the US Billboard Hot 100 in 1977. I’ve got a video for you of their lip-syncing performance of their one hit on The Midnight Special. Even better, they were introduced by none other than the lovely and talented Helen Reddy! Take a look and listen.

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New Music For Old Rockers – Michigan Edition

At one time, Michigan was known for the Motown sound and building cars in the Motor City of Detroit. These days, Michigan may be more well known for its beaches. I can attest to the fact that Michigan has amazing beaches with giant sand dunes and beautiful waters. You may be thinking, “Really? A state stuck in the middle of North America has great beaches?” Yep, thanks to the Great Lakes. Michigan’s southern border is nothing special with Ohio & Indiana on the other side. Build the Wall! But head west, and you run into Lake Michigan where the sunsets are amazing. To the north lies Lake Superior and its cool, clear waters. And to the east is a bit of Lake Erie and a whole lot of Lake Huron. There are water and beaches everywhere in Michigan.

So, why am I about to plug a couple songs from an L.A. band for a Michigan music post? Well, the band is Lord Huron, and it was started by Ben Schneider who grew up in Michigan, spending his summers at Lake Huron. After moving to L.A., he formed Lord Huron, which I believe he named after English poet Lord Byron. Anyway, they’ve got a 4th album coming soon, and if the first two songs they have released are anything like the rest of the album, it may be their best yet.

But before I get to Lord Huron’s music, here are two obscure connections to Michigan music that my oldest daughter has …

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FREE Book!

I had planned to shamelessly and incessantly plug my book of humorous and contemplative short stories about the afterlife from the beginning of the year until now. However, I got derailed with this local election race which I surprisingly won. To get back on the promotional track, I’ve decided to make my book available to you, the loyal followers of this blog, for FREE through Monday. Just link to www.bit.ly/beyondtales to download my book for FREE for your reading enjoyment on your Kindle or Kindle app.

There really are no strings attached. Just download. I hope you enjoy it, and I would be most appreciative if you leave a rating or review on Amazon. Read on!

Spontaneous Spontaneity

I love being spontaneous. Just this morning, I had errands planned. In this order, I would:

  • Buy some gas
  • Make a deposit at the bank
  • Go to the Post Office and buy stamps

So boring, right? And then, at the very last second, I made a right turn, eschewing the gas station for a spontaneous change of plans. Instead of that boring list of tasks, I drove off to do this:

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Party On? No! Party Off!

We’re scheduled to head to a wedding in Nebraska in July. Thankfully, not in Florida. Here’s how they plan a reception in Florida. They pick a cool house and just show up. Here’s the story from the AP …

Now that should have been the end. Police arrive and the wedding party leaves, right? Oh no, not in Florida. The wedding couple were not there just for the cool house with bowling alley, pool, hot tub, etc. They were on a mission …

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Embracing Mother Nature with Bonus Mulch Ado About Nothing Cartoon

I dirtied my hands this past weekend, and it felt good. Saturday and Sunday were spent digging in the yard, cutting back dead branches from trees & shrubs, and generally wasting time in an effort to avoid any indoor projects that may require actual skill or thought.

Saturday started off great as I headed out with my radio. I had to turn on the switch for outside power to my pond to listen to my radio, so I got the sounds of running water along with my music, as if I were listening to a concert alongside a babbling brook. I know that my pond doesn’t sound very natural if I have to turn on the power for it. But what if I told you that my pond’s pump is powered by a small wind turbine and solar panel? Pretty cool, right? Well, it’s not. The pump just plugs into a power outlet outside. But the end result still was the sound of running water and some good music, until this happened …

No, my neighbor didn’t propel himself around the neighborhood with his leaf blower. That only happens in Florida, because, well, Floridians. But he did don his jetpack and blow every speck of debris off his lawn while drowning out my music and water sounds.

Fortunately, that didn’t last too long as I puttered and pondered the nature of our very existence.

EDITOR’S WARNING: This idiot is about to wax philosophical. The last Mite Be Funny cartoon was about René Descartes, Cartesian dualism, and of course, dead skin flakes. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Stop reading now. Or, click on through to continue reading at your own risk.

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