Teeth vs. Lungs

In the past week, I went to the dentist and received bad news. I have 3 cavities. What I am, 10 years old and eating sugar all day?

I reluctantly made 2 appointments to have the cavities filled next month. But then I saw this news yesterday.

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Easter Week Musings

I hope you all had an enjoyable weekend regardless of whether you may have been celebrating Easter, Passover, Ramadan, or just a Spring weekend. Here are some thoughts as I look back on my Easter week.

Our 13 year old daughter assisted at our church’s Palm Sunday service as an acolyte to kick-off Easter Week. She left the house in very ripped (shredded?) jeans, bare midriff top, and her brother’s old McDonald’s work shirt, currently seemingly one of her favorite shirts. Are we bad parents for not monitoring her attire? We didn’t think so. Normally, acolytes wear a robe. Well, not on Palm Sunday. She was a walking advertisement for a Big Mac up on the altar. Would you like fries with your faith? Maybe it was just a coincidence, but after Palm Sunday, our church sent an email with very clear dress code instructions for Good Friday services that our daughter was also assisting in.

And speaking of ripped jeans, my daughter wears them because she can. I wear ripped jeans because my jeans ripped a little bit.

I saw this video on Twitter over the Easter weekend.

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My Showbiz Rollercoaster

My recent foray into showbiz has been a lot like this featured image on this post – a seemingly scary and eventful ride, but literally going nowhere.

I started on the road to Hollywood by wanting to be in a Netflix series they were shooting in my town. No real reason. Just wanted to. When that didn’t happen, I can be a bit stubborn and just keep plowing forward. For example, I want a million followers of this blog. Some may think that’s impossible. I look at it that I only have 999,000 to go!

Despite having ZERO acting experience, I somehow scored a role as one of the Racist Townfolk extras in a restaurant scene in a short subject anti-racism film. I actually did a lot of acting prep for the role, like eating!

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Copy Me & Risk the Consequences

I was shocked when I saw this email message from WordPress I received.

Well, that was unexpected. It turns out that I will be able to purchase half a candy bar at the Dollar Store after all. Could it be that the WordsAd advertising I have enabled on this blog is actually paying off? Let’s take a peek.

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What Does God Look Like?

I had to write a letter to my 13 year old daughter yesterday for some Church thingy. In the letter, I mentioned that God is not some bearded old man in a flowing robe. Sounds like me on a Saturday morning after not shaving all week. But what if God is exactly that?

What if God is just like one of us?

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No Red Carpet for Me

Is the red carpet at the Academy Awards huge like that kid says? Don’t ask me. It looks like I’ll never know. I should’ve known better than to buy a plane ticket to the 2023 Academy Awards so far in advance. You remember the Oscar I was almost assured of winning? Well, now that’s slipped out of my grasp.

I was cut from the movie. I didn’t even make it onto the cutting room floor. My scene was cut before filming even began. I was given some lame excuse about the restaurant my scene was to be filmed in was no longer available. I suspect it was the dastardly work of one of them jealous Hollyweird types like Matt Damon. He’s very paranoid about anyone else succeeding.

See what I mean? I wasted a whole week experimenting with make-up and mugging into the mirror to practice stealing the scene.

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Hero Time … Again.

I tried to search in this blog for the last time I recently saved a life, but honestly, this blog is loaded so full to the bursting point with nonsense and BS that I can’t find it. But I do recall it. Or maybe it was saving a life by not killing someone. Regardless, I did find this lifesaving story from almost 4 years ago. Anyway, yesterday, while waiting at O’Hare Airport in Chicago for my 13 year old daughter’s flight to arrive after a school trip to Washington, DC and NYC, I did it again. I saved another life.

As I was killing time before my daughter’s flight arrived, I wandered around racking up the steps. It was at the top of a down escalator when I noticed an older woman struggling a bit to take the escalator down. It looked like she planned to ride the handrail of the escalator down rather than standing on the steps. And that doesn’t normally go well.

Then I realized this woman had missed the steps, and she was hung up straddling the handrail. If you are younger, missing the steps can be okay as demonstrated by this guy.

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Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

Editor’s Note: I don’t have editorial access to change the title, but I can add a revised title below.

Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy Moron?

Editor’s Note: That’s better. Read on.

The other day, I received two financial rewards in the mail. One was a check for over $9000 from a customer paying their invoice from my small business. The other was a $50 Visa gift card as payment for my participation in one of my market research taste tests. I know the financial ramifications of receiving that $9000 check are better for my family, but I was more excited about the $50 Visa gift card. Am I a bad guy?

Editor’s Note: Let’s change that last line to match the revised title.

Am I a bad guy moron?

Editor’s Note: That’s better, and YES!

Academy Award Thoughts

It was so weird watching the Academy Awards, knowing that I will probably be walking the red carpet there next year. Yep, I got the script for the movie that I will be in, and I see an Oscar in my future. Here’s the part of the script that pertains to me.

“They endure whispers and stares from the sparse all white, post lunch crowd.

Hey, that’s me, one of the sparse, all white, restaurant patrons. I fully expect a nomination for Best Extra in a Non-Speaking Background Role in a Short-Subject Film. I’m trying to pattern my whispering after Norm Macdonald.

Now that’s top notch whispering. And as far as staring …

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Where’ve I Been?

Like you really care. I’ve been silent for most of this week, and I haven’t even received one “Please Post Soon” card. All I’ve gotten is an overdue gas bill warning me that I’ll be without gas if I don’t pay. As if I would ever be gasless. I wish! So does this Brazilian model.

Although I warned you that there may be changes coming to this blog, at least fart content remains. Full fart story here. Most changes I had planned were pertaining specifically to how this blog looks, content, ads, etc. That hasn’t really worked out as planned. It seems that unless I give WordPress a lot of money each year to “upgrade” this blog, then some desired features are unavailable to me. More money poured into this blog? That’s like investing in WorldCom and ain’t happening.

But there are a couple really good things happening.

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Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

People must think I am a considerate driver. When I come to an intersection with other cars, I often wave the other cars to go ahead of me, even if it should rightly be my turn. But I don’t do it to be a considerate driver. I do it because it gives me an incredible feeling of complete and ultimate control over the other cars and their drivers, like I’m dictating their actions and bending them to my will with a casual wave of my hand. I determine when they come and when they go. They have absolutely no control. It kind of makes me feel all powerful, and dare I say godlike or at least giant handlike like this …

Am I a bad guy?