comedy

Show Me The Money!

~ jimflanigan ~ Leave a comment

We’re not rich, but it turns out my ancestors were. While my oldest daughter shelters-in- place, she delved further into our genealogy. She found my great great grandfather’s will from 1899. He appears to have come to the USA during the Irish Potato Famine (bad name for a band) and amassed a small fortune. His $4000 cash on hand would be worth about $125,000 today. And the real estate that he owned free and clear would be valued at about $600,000 today. And the real estate generated over $30,000 a year income for him in today’s dollars.

Will

I never have cash on hand, although there may be loose change in the couch cushions. My real estate is valued about half of that, which I guess is okay since the bank owns most of it. My adult children living with me pay no rent. What happened?

Somewhere along the way, my family tree became diseased and never produced money again. I guess I am as much to blame as anyone. In my post yesterday, I vowed to donate all proceeds from my political novella. That is no way to get rich.

My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President

~ jimflanigan ~ 1 Comment

The long-dreaded novella is finally released. I have teased it on this blog before with excerpts. Despite all the warnings and pleadings from my psychiatrist, adviser, priest, therapist, mentor, rabbi, psychologist, consultant, minister, counselor, guru, internet stalker(s), pastor, life coach, wife and kids, I decided to publish anyway. Why would they protest? If the title doesn’t tip you off, maybe the book cover will.

Cover Final

You can purchase here … https://tinyurl.com/BuyTwinBook. Just 3 bucks! If you are outside the USA, try your local Amazon site and search for “parasitic twin.” All you need is an Amazon account. You can download this digital novella to your phone, computer, tablet, or Wang word processor.

ALL proceeds will be donated to worthy candidates and causes in advance of the 2020 election.  In other words, Democrats. You will be donating over 2 bucks (our royalty from Amazon after Jeff Bezos takes his cut) to excellent causes.

For more background on Ray & Gary Czyzylck, visit www.elect-ray.webnode.com.  If you want, you can email Ray at rayczylzyck@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @czylzyck.

WARNING: This novella promises to be unlike anything you have ever read. Keep medical supplies close by when you read it just in case your sides split from laughing too hard.

Buy this book. Ray and Gary are waiting patiently. Come on. Stop reading and order. There are no more jokes in this post. Order now.

 

 

 

 

 

Quadruple Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

~ jimflanigan ~ Leave a comment

I have a brother-in-law who donated a kidney to his brother-in-law. Not sold. Not lent. Not rented by the hour. Donated. Free! He’s a good guy.

Now I hear that he gets blood platelets drawn every 2 weeks. I didn’t know that was even a thing. But the first thing that came to my mind was “How much does it pay?” Am I a bad guy? (#1)

For your information, he gets nothing for it. The difference between donating blood plasma and blood platelets is that red & white blood cells are retained by the donor when donating platelets only. Of course, my immediate thought was that donating complete plasma > donating blood platelets only. Am I a bad guy? (#2)

It turns out that my brother-in-law donates the platelets only because that allows him to donate more often, every 2 weeks. From the Red Cross website, I see that blood platelets can be donated every week. I wondered why my brother-in-law wasn’t donating more often. Am I a bad guy? (#3)

I guess I can cut my brother-in-law some slack since he only has one kidney. The bottom line is that he’s a great guy. I don’t even donate blood because … I’m diseased.

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What Wood You Call This?

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After a successful hike in the woods on Wednesday, I returned for a longer COVID-19 coronavirus therapy hike on a different trail yesterday. It was just me and Lola the dog yesterday. My daughter was too tired to hike after playing some backyard badminton. Is that possible, getting tired from casual badminton when you’re 11 years old?

On Wednesday, we may have stumbled upon our future forever home. If that doesn’t work out, Lola and I found a potentially less expensive, albeit smaller, place we could call home.

Lola Shelter

And then we discovered what I though could be the most important archaeological find of the 21st century to date. Dinosaur bones or maybe teeth? Take a look and decide what you see.

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Flip or Flop

~ jimflanigan ~ 1 Comment

My wife and I are considering downsizing our home. She watches the home shows and elbows me in the ribs so I can see people buying dumps and flipping them into their forever homes. But for now, we still have 5 people living in the house. How can I encourage children to leave so we can downsize? Anyway, we are scouting out possible areas to relocate.

In order to keep what is left of my sanity during this COVID-19 coronavirus, I have taken to walking in the woods. I dragged our dog and youngest daughter along yesterday.

Lola woods

That’s our dog, not my daughter for those of you who are species-challenged. It was good to walk the hills and hear the frogs croaking in the wetlands. And then we stumbled upon what may be our future dream home that just needs a little flipping magic.

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