Tag: comedy

Vaccinated & Feeling Woozy

~ jimflanigan ~ Leave a comment

I am now fully vaccinated as of this morning. With this card and its slightly altered birth year, I now expect to be able get into any exclusive nightclub or swanky restaurant without reservations or waiting in line.

I do feel some pressure though. Two dear friends were fully vaccinated before me, and had no reaction to the second dose. I feel like they are exercising a power block, and I can’t react. But I’m feeling woozy already just a few hours after the shot. Of course, I was feeling woozy before the shot. And in fairness, I’ve spent much of my life woozy.

I want to feel some reaction to reassure myself that the vaccine is working, although I understand that some people don’t react at all. I know my card shows I got the Pfizer vaccine, but what if they gave me the Placebo vaccine by mistake? I did stump the nurse administering my shot with this question …

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I Lost But Still Won

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That’s the problem with today’s world. I come in 4th place, but I still am considered a winner. It looks like my Third Runner Up finish is good enough to claim to be elected.

I may have been able to do better, but I think I lost some votes during the swimsuit portion of the election.

This is an unexpected win for me, and I know my opponents did not expect it. They were appalled that anyone dare run against them. They make me think of this line I like from Patrick Kane of the Chicago Black Hawks.

To those who may think I don’t deserve to win, am not qualified, didn’t campaign fairly, or maybe even rigged the election, all I can say is, “That’s democracy, baby!”

Not Weighting for Summer

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When I posted my last weight loss goal a month ago, I really had hoped to ramp up my steps outside in March to drop some of the weight I gained over winter. That did not happen to the magnitude I had hoped. Take a look at this modest increase in steposity.

Yawn. Big deal, right? This local election I’m in kept me behind my computer screen a bit too much, and my exercise activity became very sporadic and erractic. But take a look at this new high water mark in stepitude for me.

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Election Drive

~ jimflanigan ~ Leave a comment

With my local election just 5 days away, I’m pulling out all the stops to gain votes. I added this to my car’s rear window …

I think it may be too subtle. If we learned anything from Trump supporters, it was to go big or go home. Personally, I always hoped they’d go home and stay home. If mine wasn’t a leased vehicle, I would be inclined to go all in with something like this …

Of course, with the Flanigan name rather than Trump on it. But I can’t afford to own a nice truck like that. This would likely be about the best I could pay for …

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Popular Alien Mechanics

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I spotted this bombshell from Popular Mechanics …

Big deal. From 2017 through 2020, I swore I was living in an alien world with freaky, heavily-armed creatures wearing red caps walking around spouting unintelligible nonsense. Upon further review, they might be related to this inner Earth alien world that Popular Mechanics references. The Pop Mech article does mention “dense spots.” This country is still full of dense spots walking around, but without as many red caps recently. These days, you can identify them by the masks under their chins rather than over their faces.

It’s That Time of the Year Again!

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That’s right … it’s Apple Scab Season! I’ve been so consumed by campaigning for this upcoming election I’m in, I had almost forgotten about this magical time of the year. Fortunately, I received this reminder …

Oh, the memories I have of years past and the Apple Scab Festival. There’s the crowning of Miss Junior Apple Scab, the apple scab picking and eating contests, and the making of the apple scab pies. I’ll never forget that one year when there was an apple scab on display that was the spitting image of President Benjamin Harrison’s profile. Now that was an Apple Scab Festival I’ll never forget. We missed out on the festivities last year because of the pandemic. With restrictions easing a bit and vaccinations on the rise, maybe we can all get back to normal and enjoy the wonders of an Apple Scab season once again. I wish you good scabs on your apples.

Good & Bad Food News

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As you know, rather than trying to gain weight to lose weight, I’m back to trying to lose weight to lose weight. I know, it’s complicated. Read the links. I was both encouraged and discouraged with the following food news.

FREE Donuts for Everyone?

This is really a shot to my weight loss bow. I love donuts as well as doughnuts. No matter how you spell them, I will eat them. Krispy Kreme is offering free donuts for the rest of 2021 to all those that are COVID-19 vaccinated. Take a look …

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Hit Me with Your Best Shot!

~ jimflanigan ~ 1 Comment

Today’s blog title is a fun song along with my theme song from yesterday. I definitely got my best shot in a long time. I got my Fauci ouchie, Trump tonic, Biden booster, or whatever you want to call it based on your political leanings. I got the COVID vaccine, or at least shot #1 of 2. They gave me the brand that begins with a P. Now, what was that name again? Something like Placebo, I think. That’s why I’m smiling so much in this pic …

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Who’s Hiding My Pillow (Guy)?

~ jimflanigan ~ Leave a comment

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy and rabid Trump supporter, has apparently gone into hiding. He claims it is because of threats on his life. Methinks he is more likely hiding from process servers who have Dominion Voting Systems lawsuit papers for him.

If you have the stomach to recall, Lindell promised time after time to blow the lid off the 2020 election fraud and implicate Dominion Voting Systems. Except … he never did. He had lots of opportunities. He even made a movie about the election rigging. Except … the movie didn’t prove anything. It was full of spurious claims that Lindell swore he could prove. Except … he never did.

So, now he is keeping a low profile. Dominion had to hire a private investigator to locate crackpot attorney Sidney Powell to serve her with the lawsuit papers. Maybe they will have to do the same with Lindell.

Well, I’m down with Lindell hiding. It would be a feather in his cap to evade process servers that may blanket the area looking for him. I can’t play the role of comforter to him as I don’t like that he’s still in bed with Trump and that he continues to insist there was an election cover-up. That just foaments hate and unrest. It sounds like a bunch of sheet to me. And one last thing about pillows …

Superheroes with Super Powers

~ jimflanigan ~ 1 Comment

I’m short on time these days because of being in an actual election race, but I did want to take time to point out some real-life superheroes with super powers. My wife works in education, so she is now fully vaccinated against COVID, which I believe makes her immortal. Now is probably a good time to consider canceling her unnecessary life insurance policy.

Teachers and support staff deserve it. They have been some of the superheroes on the front lines during this pandemic. But what about me? I want some super powers, too. I immediately thought about my ability to flare my nostrils. But once I cranked up the Google machine, I see others have this maybe not-so-super power, too.

I do like how his nostrils flare into sort of a heart shape. I would show you a gif of mine flaring, but nobody wants to see up my nostrils until I give them a good pruning. Unfortunately, my nose hair trimmer is a bit low on gas and oil these days.

But I did think of a super power I definitely have. That’s good considering I could win a quarter million dollars with it from the Center for Inquiry. That link gets you to their website page with lots of stories about the quarter mil challenge. So far, nobody has collected. But has anyone shown off this super power that I have?

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