I’ve often been accused of being too controversial and too confrontational with my blog posts. I disagree. I think I am very protroversial and profrontational with what I post.
The blockbuster novella I published earlier this year called My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President is for sale this weekend for under $1. Use this link to buy a digital copy you can read on a PC, Mac, iPhone, Android phone, or Kindle tablet for just $0.99 … https://tinyurl.com/BuyTwinBook. All proceeds will be donated to local Democratic candidates.
The NY Times Book Review noted, “This is one of the most powerful books of 2020.” They weren’t talking about the book I published, but my book does have reviews. How about this one?
“A witty story that combines humor, satire, and astute observations of our current political reality. Connects the absurd with contemporary issues, providing the reader with an unexpected, humorous, and thought-provoking perspective of modern times. Well written and engaging from cover to cover. Highly recommended!” Who needs the NY Times Book Review when you have a review like that on Amazon?
Now if you don’t intend to purchase, I need to introduce you to the illustrator.
I was so excited when I received the notification that a couple comments were made in response to one of my older blog posts. My blog posts don’t elicit many comments. I don’t blame you readers. I make it a point not to comment on anyone’s blog who is so obviously mentally ill. But finally, I was getting the conversation started. The excitement lasted until I read the comment …
So many questions filled my head:
- Did their auto-correct change “ray of sunshine” to “piece of shit?”
- Why is my name not capitalized and enclosed by quotation marks? Am I not Jim?
- Why did Kim end the comment so politely? Maybe because of #1 above?
- Is Kim a disgruntled male with weapons or a hot female who is stalking me? Uh, asking for a friend.
Of course, I’m no stranger to nasty comments as I regularly navigate the waters of Twitter while throwing out anti-Trump chum. At least this comment from Kim Nho didn’t include a wrestling challenge like this Twitter throwdown from Texas Senator Ted Cruz …
I signed my first writing contract this past weekend. I’m trying not to make too big of a deal out of it until I ink the movie deal. I’m sure that will be coming shortly after publication.
I’ve been writing this wildly uneven blog for 4+ years now to hone my writing skills. I have tried anything and everything that has crossed my suspect mind. Some things have worked. Others, not so much. I mean, really, cartoons about mites and mulch?
But all the practice must have worked because the short story I submitted for consideration was easy to write, and it was accepted for publication in an anthology of short stories. Take a look …
I started this blog 4 years ago to become a better writer. I got derailed as the Trump Train careened wildly into the White House, and this blog devolved to a series of angry screeds, questionable memes, and mildly-amusing (at best) cartoons. I continued that cathartic path for the benefit of my mental health, yet somehow I did hone my writing skills. I have a non-fiction book that is 2/3 done, but also badly in need of a rewrite. I will get to that as soon as I finish a book of short story fiction which is about 1/2 done and looking good. And who wouldn’t want a Best of Mite Be Funny coffee table book?
Fine. You can put your hands down. Anyway, my editor/cousin convinced me to submit a short story for publication consideration to someone she knew compiling a book. I had to write about a picture that the publisher had published previously in one of her art books. I chose this beauty.
I received this email from the publisher a couple days ago …
The title of this post could apply to this blog from the very first post, but it is especially applicable now. It used to be that readers could count on a post full of drivel from me almost every single day. You may have noticed (and rejoiced) that my posts have become more sporadic and less Trumpy. As for the latter, I am just sick of that saggy skin sack of lies and monkey feces. Sorry, that’s not fair to monkeys.
Wow, touchy. I said I was sorry. Anyway, I just want Trump impeached and voted out in 2020. I find nothing funny about him any longer.
As for the sporadicity (not a word, but a potential album title) of my posts, that’s another story.
As I continue to write more short stories, I have a cousin who is editing them. She has been a professional editor for decades. I know …
I am, but not just because she is editing for free. She’s always been like a big sister to me.
I guess that’s why I got her a pair of Fancy Bitch socks for Christmas.
She’s got a bit of an edge to her, so she loves them. In turn, she just sent me a book. I think the gift is a not-so-subtle tip to use better grammar when writing. If you are serious about becoming a better writer, GET. THIS. BOOK. Oh, sorry, my caps lock and period keys sometimes get stuck due to peanut butter in the keyboard. Here’s the book …
This post is dedicated to all the aspiring bloggers and writers that may read this. No pics, gifs or ‘continue reading’ links to click.
I have officially finished a piece of writing outside of this blog that brings me great satisfaction. My book? Well, maybe not so much. It is about two-thirds complete, but I don’t like it as much as I had hoped. If I don’t like it, how can I expect the general public to like it? Of course, Trump was elected, so I guess quality product is not that important to the general public after all. Further proof of that is that many people consider The Big Bang Theory to be a funny television show. Spoiler alert … it’s not. Anyway, my book is not abandoned, just shelved for a while as I have delved into short story fiction.
When I started writing this blog 3+ years ago to get some writing practice in an attempt to become a better writer, I could not write fiction. Yes, I had tried it in the past, and the attempts were cringe-inducing. I kept one of those attempts to inspire me to do better. Now I have a fictional short story that I really like … A LOT! Wow, I sound almost Trumpian there in praise of my efforts.
But my point in this post is to encourage YOU to keep writing. Take chances. Take risks. Write something different. Write for yourself. You never know where it may lead you. It is taking me down an unexpected fictional path. Well, the path is not fictional, but the resulting stories are. When our internet was out this past week, that was reason enough for me not to work, and I pounded out a first draft of a new story that I also very much like.
I have seen fellow bloggers try to take new paths before with disastrous (my opinion only) results, abandon the project, and go back to doing what they do best. That’s okay. Not all new projects are successes. Case in point … the My Fave Faves feature on this blog. I publicly abandoned ship on the second post of that feature because I realized that even I didn’t care about it. But I like writing about music, so my new feature called New Music for Old Rockers will likely hang around for a bit. It’s a new path for me that pleases me, at least for now. It’s less about me, and more about the music. I’m not interesting, but the music is. I have seen others bloggers branch out in new and interesting (again, my opinion) ways, finding a new path for their writing. Write On!
I would also encourage you to get an editor. I am fortunate to have a cousin who is also my godmother, but who I consider more as an older sister (sounds like a Tennessee family tree) that is also a professional editor and published author. She was the one who had been encouraging me to write for years now. You can blame her for this blog. While she liked my first fictional story, she red-lined it up pretty good in her editing process. I let it sit for six months, partly due to my 2018 mid-term election activity and partly due to wounded pride. After the election, I picked it back up, finally understanding that my cousin, the professional editor, has more skills and experience than I, the hack blogger, will ever have. She was trying to make my story better, and she did. I accepted the edits and it is no less my story, but with a professional edit. So get a second set of eyes on your creations. It can be a blow to your pride, but well worth the experience.
Where will I go from here with my short-story fiction? I guess if I write enough of them, that could be a book. I’m not sure, but that’s the path I’m headed down now. I will not be publishing them here. I feel comfortable in saying that if you are reading this blog, then I can’t trust you or your judgement. You will have to be content with another Mite Be Funny cartoon tomorrow. I know, I know. I announced a hiatus for Mite Be Funny, and there was much rejoicing. I even attended several ‘Mite Be Funny Ends!’ parties. I started Mite Be Funny with the unrealistic goal of 100 cartoons. Tomorrow will be #102. I can’t stop. It pleases me. That’s my point in this post. Write what pleases you. Write On!
Some bloggers make money off their blogs. I don’t know how to do that.
I see other blogs selling products. I don’t know how to do that.
I see other blogs plastered with advertising. I don’t know how to do that.
I see other blogs with affiliate links. I don’t know how to do that, and on top of that, I don’t know what affiliate links are. If they are anything like sausage links, I am willing to learn about them.
Despite my general lack of knowledge about blogging and specific lack of knowledge about making money off blogging, I have decided to monetize this blog in the only way I know how. I’ll take a hundred bucks to make this my last blog post ever. You know you want to be the one to shut this down. Make me an offer before I post again.
Due to the continuing US government shutdown, this blog (deemed as non-essential by the Trump Administration) will not be posting for a few days. Finally, you can be grateful to Donald Trump for something. Any posts that may occur will likely be lacking humor. I hope you will be able to tell the difference.
Thanks to a generous grant from CACA (Corporation Advancing Cartoon Arachnids), Mite Be Funny has been fully funded through tomorrow, and Mite Be Funny #100 will post tomorrow as scheduled. We are seeking further funding from organizations like FFF (Foundation For Flies) to continue to bring you such regular features like Flies On Washington Walls cartoons. Don’t hold your breath.
I’m not sure what this says about me or this blog, but I tend to add more followers on the days I don’t post.
My life has been decidedly different the past two months. Sure, the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s holidays have played a role in changing my life as I have been selling my blood plasma weekly in order to pay for holiday entertaining and presents. Do you know how hard it is to type when you’re woozy from being a pint low? But that’s not the real change. I’m talking about shedding a weight that has rested heavy on my shoulders the past two years. I know, I know, I should also shed some weight around my mid-section. But that weight on my shoulders was formidable, and now it is almost completely gone, lifting itself from my shoulders pound by pound daily over the past two months. And it has definitely changed this blog. Thank God something has. I’ll explain.
I’m used to seeing the featured image on today’s blog, except normally with one less finger on each hand extended. But it is that time of the year to cross your fingers and hope to be the lucky one to be chosen the 2018 Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Follower of the Year. As I mentioned in a recent blog post, the 2017 winner went on to snare a high paying job in 2018. This could be you in 2019!
No, not a crossing guard, but undercover law enforcement or a drug kingpin in a speeding getaway car. Regardless of whether or not you score a high-paying job, you’ll always be the 2018 Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Follower of the Year. So, without further ado … oh, wait. We need a drumroll befitting this award.
Perfect. The 2018 Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Follower of the Year is …
I don’t know how it happened. I was watching the number of followers of this blog slowly rise from almost nobody to a few misguided souls seeking succor and comfort from my words. And if that is what you seek from this blog, boy, did you come to the wrong place.
Despite my vigilance, I missed the addition of a follower that helped us reach the … get ready for this … dizzying amount of a quarter of a thousand followers. That’s right, despite my best efforts at worst writing, almost zero promotion (I’m not counting that scathing review of this blog in the Crabtree Corners Courier last summer), and a complete lack of continuity or theme to this blog, we now have well over ten times the number of blog followers as attendees at a Steve Bannon Holiday Inn campaign stop in Kansas to promote Steve Watkins for Congress.
Now that I have a quarter of 1,000 (whoa, check out all those zeroes!) followers, it almost makes me want to try harder. Nah. But there is a potential windfall coming up in less than a week for one lucky follower.
I have invented a time-saving grammar innovation to help revolutionize the world. However, due to Donald Trump, I can’t implement it across the USA. I will explain.
We’re always wasting time. A good example is this blog. I wasted time writing this post, and now I’m wasting your time as you read it. You’re welcome! Sure, an easy solution would be for me to stop blogging. How many of you have asked the question, “Why does he keep writing that drivel?”
Hey, that was rhetorical. Hands down please.
I wondered if there wasn’t another way to save time so I could still waste time with this blog. I set to work on a solution.
But I couldn’t come up with anything because the room was full of floating mathematical equations. Geez, those are annoying.
Figuratively, not literally. I don’t even have a sister. In fact, I’m an only child which explains a lot. But I recently figuratively kissed my sister. I have had a short story published. Yes, you will be able to read it. Be patient and read on. No, it is not a story about kissing my sister.
I’m off to Orlando on a business trip which once again underscores the complete lack of glamour in business travel. There is no place I would like to be less than the land of heat, humidity, and screaming kids at the height of summer. The trade show I am attending used to be held in Miami Beach in the summer. It was a lot easier for me to justify heading to the ocean than staying in the Mouse’s house nowhere near the ocean, but right in the midst of tens of thousands of vacationing kids. I truly dread this trip.
As I prepped for this trip, I realized that I had once again surpassed a couple milestones.
I just finished the basics for what I consider my first proper short story. Sure, I’ve written a lot before including over 1000 posts here, but this is a real short story with words and not gifs, punctuation with proper use of apostrophes & parentheses, gerunds & infinitives, fictional characters that are not Donald Trump (we would be so lucky if Trump was a fictional character), a plot and not my usual rambling screed (which is where I sense this blog post is headed), and some meaning and message rather than the usual head-scratching jokey post.
So now what? I could publish it here and watch as one of my blog readers takes it and sells it to Hollywood as a major motion picture screenplay starring Chris Pratt and Scarlett Johannson. You greedy bastards. You would cut me out, wouldn’t you? Just for that, I have decided to do this instead …
I am literally risking my life by writing this blog post. That is not a lie, but surely an exaggeration. My wife has told me a million zillion times not to exaggerate. How am I supposed to write this blog if I don’t? But I am under doctor’s orders to not travel (business trip canceled), do not exert myself (what I do best), don’t type (you, the reader, would surely benefit) and see him 2 more times after already seeing him 2 times since Monday. People may soon start to talk. And it all stems from waking up to this on Tuesday …
Not literally. I was actually present for my 1000th post since I created it, but I just didn’t realize it was such a momentous post, relatively speaking. I had seen a few weeks back that I was closing in on 1000 time-wasters, and I figured if I planned carefully, I could make a Mite Be Funny cartoon my 1000th post. Mite Be Funny may not be funny at times, but is my favorite part of this blog. Well, that was the last thought I had about any 1000th post planning, and it turns out that if I didn’t plan at all (that’s what I do best!), a Mite Be Funny cartoon was still the 1000th post. And what a Mite Be Funny cartoon … topical for Earth Day, multi-panel to prolong your laughgasm, wryly humorous as always, and chock full o’ big words! I nailed it! If you could only see me now, feet up, arms crossed, smug look on my face, head nodding knowingly, snifter of brandy in hand which is spilling all over since my arms are crossed. Geez, that’s going to leave a stain. But my smugositude will be short-lived. Why, you ask?
I feel guilty about not blogging on Saturday. It wouldn’t have been too difficult. It never is, as reflected by the normal quality of my blog posts. But I had a reason …
I don’t have many blog followers. That’s OK. I follow a blog that has over 10,000 followers. I don’t want that. I sometimes feel bad for him as he has to respond to many dumb comments. Sometimes I feel bad enough that I even think that I should stop writing those dumb comments.
Anyway, I know the reasons this blog is not very popular. I don’t promote it. There’s no consistency or theme. And then there’s always the chance of a running into a post like this featuring a picture like this …
I consider a post a success if I get “likes” from 5% of my followers. But here’s what I can’t figure out …
I can’t wait for the ground to thaw enough to get my new sign in the ground in front of my house.
I wish I had purchased more … a LOT more, but not because I have that big of a front yard. And Christmas is after the November election, so I didn’t want to buy them as Christmas gifts, and I also don’t have that many friends which should come as no surprise to readers of this blog.
Wow, catchy title to this blog post. It is so lame that I couldn’t bring myself to capitalize any words in the title, not even the personal pronoun. I can see why this blog was recently voted Most Likely to Suck at the 2017 Bloggie Awards. If the title of this blog post captured your imagination and curiosity, then you should get out more. But first, read on if you must.
Yes, it is that time of the year again, when I narrow my list of followers to those that aren’t doped-up on thorazine or any other anti-psychotic drug, sift through the handful of followers that remain, and choose a Follower of the Year. Past winners have been so self-effacing that they have asked me to never mention them again. Actually, it was their lawyers that asked, in writing via a court order.
I’ve given the staff of Jim Flanigan Looks at the World some time off over this holiday weekend to spend time with their children, some of whom also happen to be their nieces and nephews, but they wanted me to pass along this holiday snapshot I took of them at our Christmas party …
Without that good bunch of guys, I would not be able to keep a steady stream of drivel coming your way. Now without their efforts this weekend, here’s the unsteady stream of drivel I have lined-up for your reading pleasure …
Today marks the day that I posted first to this blog 2 years ago. I’d like to think that I started this blog as an apolitical blog with lots of hilarious posts about meteor showers and bath towels. Yes, there were some of those, although hilarious may be a strong adjective to use, but my first 4 posts were actually bipartisan political posts covering Mike Huckabee, Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, and of course, Donald Trump who was a real joke back then. Some things never change. It wasn’t long before I published one of my all-time favorite Trump posts about illegal immigration. Ah, the good old days when Trump satire still worked.
Before this post devolves into a “best of” post, I want to impart unto/inflict onto my readers all the things I have learned about writing and blogging in these past 2 years.
I ran into a follower of this blog yesterday. Yes, you know who you are. It wasn’t awkward like the time I realized that the cashier at the grocery store was the same woman who I had been watching through her blinds doing Zumba. This follower and I have actually known each other for a couple decades now, and I doubt that she will seek a restraining order like old Zumba Hips eventually did.
However, the meeting was still shocking to me.
I’m taking a short vacation, so I’ve put my blogging on auto-pilot for a couple days. I know, you can’t tell the difference. In some prior blog post I promised not to foist my recently rediscovered musical career and songwriting onto my blog audience. I lied. I am pleased to present to you our website with our first song. You can stream our first song for free, or you can purchase it for $0.99, or you can invest that $0.99 in something worthwhile like 1/2 of 1% of a share of Apple stock or a crappy plastic whatchamacallit from the Dollar Store. I don’t expect anyone to purchase it, but I also didn’t expect anyone to read this blog nonsense. Anyone who does purchase the song gets automatic consideration for Follower Of The Year. Without further ado, experience the musical magic of Sunsets Rising …
I’ve taken a few days off from blogging as I have re-evaluated my blogging and specifically my Trump-bashing. It has been fun up to now making jokes at the expense of Trump, a political simpleton. But it is becoming obvious that he is being manipulated by Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan, two evil ghouls who have sold their souls in exchange for political contributions and personal wealth. With visible evidence that Trump is showing signs of dementia, this use of Trump as a puppet for the McConnell/Ryan agenda is, well, to steal a line from Trump … Sad!
As I drove back from St. Louis on Tuesday night, I listened to news that Jon Ossoff lost his Georgia congressional race. Four months ago, that would have been no surprise, but momentum and hope built so that his loss felt like being on the receiving end of a gut punch. Topping that was news of the horrible Trumpcare plan being rushed through the Senate that literally will kill people. People will die because of this McConnell/Ryan plan that Trump will rubber stamp because he doesn’t know any better and will do as told, except in regard to the tweeting.
Let me just start out by saying that the title of this blog makes no sense except that this post is about music and my quest to become one with music. You will only find out at the very end if I reached that lofty goal. I workshopped many alternate blog post titles, and they all sucked as much as this one, so what’s the point of even trying? It’s good enough (maybe too good?) for the likes of us.
Moving on, this is my longest blog post ever, and perhaps the longest ever in the history of blogging. I have no interest in checking, so let’s just take my vague hunch as gospel truth that this is a record-setting post. It is chock full of nonsensical words in a seemingly random order that would rival a Sean Spicer press conference, links to older posts (in a pathetic attempt to increase views), pictures, animated gifs and video links. If you are not up for a herculean, visually-stimulating blog post, bail out now. Warning, do not click the “Continue reading.”
My WordPress website domain is expiring. No, that’s not the good news. I hate to disappoint you (although I know I do almost every day with each blog post), but I intend to renew http://www.jimflanigan.com and continue writing this nonsense.
As we get closer to the date of my website domain expiring, I keep getting these pop-up notices from WordPress when I am working on my website …
There’s a lot of talk of Russian hacking these days, and not the type that accompanies a bout of pneumonia in Minsk. I’m talking about computer hacking. I know I’ve had my computer hacked previously, but I have no idea why. I have no money. I have such little credit left that when I try and use my credit card, stores make me leave collateral. Go hack someone with actual wealth. Hack my computer and the best you can hope for is to assume some of my debt.
Just recently though, I hacked myself, and in particular, this very blog. Sit back, strap in and get ready for a story that may just change your life, or waste some time. I know it’s one of those two.
My follower list continues to grow slowly, about as slow as a Republican coming up with an idea to advance social justice. I think if I get 30 more followers to this blog, I qualify for cult status! Yay, and pass the Kool-Aid around the compound.
Two very dear friends of mine just became followers of this blog. I want to make it clear to them and to all my followers that it is OK to have regrets and admit mistakes were made. But please don’t change your mind about following this blog. I am so looking forward to the obvious tax benefits when I can finally register as a cult with the IRS.
We got some snow and ice here overnight. It was very icy and slippery this morning as I walked my daughter to school. I’ll bet she can’t wait for her high school graduation this May. Anyway, it was very, very slippery out. I’ll bet you are wondering just how icy and slick out it was. Thanks for asking! It was so slippery out that I not only carried my cell phone in case I fell and broke a hip, but I had 2 cell phones with me in case I broke both hips. Thanks for reading and I hope you appreciate that I thought little enough of this blog post to not include a “Read More” link.
Unbeknownst to me, it turns out that I am setting a record pace for blog posts in 2017, leading the way with more posts AND more stupidity per post than any other blogger in 2017. What a combo! But can I keep up the pace, and at what cost? My hands are definitely paying the price, with finger muscles spasming and contracting. Just take a look …
My finger muscles are contracting and convulsing, literally turning my fingers into tiny little stubs. Oh wait, turns out that is the wrong picture.
Thanks to all my followers for wasting another year of their lives by reading my nonsense. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Despite lackluster writing, Pauly Shore level jokes, and an unhealthy obsession with Donald Trump, I continued to add followers throughout 2016, albeit at a rate slower than a Trump supporter trying to calculate a 15% meal tip without a calculator. I am grateful, yet perplexed. I encourage all followers to seek professional assistance.
In an effort to scare away even more followers, I will once again award a Follower of the Year. This year, the winner will win a lunch with me. The second place finisher will receive 2 lunches, a dinner (appetizers and dessert not included!) and a backrub (no happy ending!). Enough with the fine print; let’s get to the decision.
It has been a bit over one year since I started upchucking my written nonsense onto our unsuspecting planet via this blog, and while followers have come and some have gone (aka, the smart ones), I finally have 50 followers. I probably could have gotten 50 the first week by posting pics like this …