We all know the Top 3 Worst Judges to be added to the Supreme Court during the Trump Reich. How do we know them? They were appointed by Trump, confirmed by a Republican majority Senate, and are sitting on the Supreme Court today.
Gross. Typing that and seeing him makes me throw up a little in my mouth. The other two are as bad if not worse.
But now, President Uncle Joe gets to replace Justice Breyer. While there are many good candidates from which to choose, keep a watchful and wary eye open in case he goofs and decides to nominate any of these Top 5 Worst Judges to Replace Justice Breyer.
As I find myself woefully unprepared for Christmas once again, I harken back to advice crooner Pete Yorn gave us 2 Christmases ago – calm the hell down. Read on.
Christmas can be a fun time, but also a very stressful time. There are gifts to buy, MAGA relatives to rub shoulders with, and decorations to put up outside often in less than ideal conditions. But Pete Yorn is back with some sage advice for this season.
Where’s Yorn been since he captivated us musically a decade ago with lyrical tales of his “Strange Condition?” Well, he’s been making music, but just not super memorable. This new tune from his 7th album may not be memorable, but it excellent advice to just calm the hell down.
If you aren’t calm after listening to that tune, then there’s something seriously wrong. Calm down. The gifts will get wrapped. The tree will be trimmed. You’ll get to go a-Wassailing, whatever that is. Ask Uncle George in his MAGA hat about his health. He won’t have time to talk about Trump. He’ll be too busy talking about his gout and the root canal he needs and the fried foods he can’t eat anymore because his cholesterol is too high and … well, you get the idea. When he’s done, just tell him to calm down because he looks great. Okay, that’s probably a lie. What is that spot on his head? But, what the hell, it’s the holidays. Maybe that Christmas lie will help him enjoy a Merry Christmas, like all of us will if we just calm down.
I don’t make enough (translation: any) money from writing and blogging (translation: self-publishing word salads) because of my frugal readers & followers (translation: deadbeats), so I actually have a day job running my own business as I have for 14 years (translation: too long) now. I have a close (translation: ethically suspect) relationship with a number of customers and vendors (translation: potential criminal co-conspirators) that often leads me to agree to handle some challenging (translation: stupid) tasks. One such task is to curate and mange (translation: mostly ignore) the YouTube channel of one vendor. I was surprised to get a notification of this comment in regard to a video for a therapeutic massage machine.
I wasn’t sure if Lhtutuutfirh was covfefe level gibberish (translation: most of what Trump says), or if this was a customer asking to place a million dollar order. To the Google Translate machine!
No, the title is not referring to Donald Trump’s creepy obsession with Ivanka.
Come on, who says that about their own child? I know I wouldn’t say that about any of my 3 daughters … except for the super-hot one!
All kidding aside (bad idea for a humor blog), I always wondered why Trump never attempted dating a Kennedy (and more importantly, all the Kennedy money) during the times he was between marriages. Now I think I know.
I was as perplexed as most everyone else as to why people gathered in Dallas at Dealey Plaza the other day waiting for JFK Jr to return. There were hundreds there from all over the country. Take a look.
A question has confounded me for the last 5 years. Can people really be dumb enough to support Donald Trump? I think I have my answer, thanks to a hamburger, which seems appropriate when speaking of Trump. Or, perhaps I should say hamberder. In case you have forgotten, click this link for a reminder of hamberder heaven.
Ah, memories. Anyway, the burger of which I speak is on the menu of a chain in the US called A&W, a franchise more famous for their root beer, which is undeniably awesome. There aren’t many A&W locations in Chicagoland, but there happens to be one about 15 minutes due south of my house. I rarely pass by without getting a root beer float.
It was the story of an A&W 1/3 pound burger meant to compete with the McDonald’s Quarter Pounder in the 1980s that gave me the answer to the Trump dilemma. I wasn’t familiar with the story until I saw this new A&W commercial.
Now that I discovered that I know someone who has a successful Netflix series, Chicago Party Aunt, I have dusted off some of my old TV show ideas to pitch to Chicago Party Aunt’s creator to then pitch to Netflix. Here’s an idea of what you may see on Netflix in the future, thanks to me.
A dermatologist uses only lit cigarettes to burn unwanted growths off patients. Working title – Lit Zits!
An accupuncturist with a fear of needles uses lit cigarettes instead. Working title – There’s No Point.
Editor’s Note: Enough with the lit cigarettes already.
Think of this as a sequel to All Creatures Great and Small. A veterinarian only euthanizes patients. Working title – All Creatures Dead.
A former game show host becomes President. Oh, never mind on that one. That show was tried and was a complete disaster for four years.
An electrician with overactive sweat glands works in a constant puddle of perspiration. Working title – Shocking!
An airline pilot with narcolepsy only flies around sunrise with a therapy rooster that crows constantly to keep the pilot awake. Working title – Alarm Cock.
A zombie neurosurgeon’s patients all mysteriously die. Working title – Brain Food.
A heroin addict becomes a jockey to support his habit. Working title – Ride the White Horse.
Enjoy your future Netflix viewing, and you’re welcome!
This story about thermometers throwing the election to Joe Biden got the investigative team at Jim Flanigan Looks at the World whipped into a fever pitch. I took the temperature of the team on this subject. Opinions were running hot and cold over whether we should delve behind the facts to generate reckless stories full of conjecture and speculation. My mercurial views were ignored, and cooler heads prevailed.
Fresh out of temperature references, we assigned our top two Jim Flanigan Looks at the World investigative reporters to the story.
I apologize to Cleveland for satirically picking on them, but I am a Chicago White Sox fan.
In this satirical post, I have decided NOT to promote my book of short stories. I don’t want anyone to be confused and think the info about my book is satirical. It’s not. I really did write a book of humorous and contemplative books about the afterlife.
In this weird, semi-post-COVID world (get vaccinated!), I took my first business trip in many months. There is a candy/fudge/antiques/junk store situated on historic Route 66 that I always pass on my way to and from St. Louis. It was good to see it again, except she was gone. By she, I mean this large statue of a woman that beautifully graced the front of the store for many years.
For me, there was always an air of mystery about what was under that skirt. I don’t ever recall looking, but I also don’t recall not looking. Well, the mystery is solved. She’s been replaced by a gruesome creature and relegated to lying in the parking lot in her polka dot panties. Take a look.
In my real life, I have a customer who is terrified of Chicago. I’m guessing he listened to Trump and Fox News as they have framed Chicago like a war zone. My customer would always warn me about staying away from Chicago. We love to visit the city, and have never felt in danger. Chicago is truly one of the great cities in the world. I finally told my customer in no uncertain terms about what a wonderful city Chicago is, and I haven’t heard anything about Chicago from him since then. Good! If I want to hear lies, I’ll tune in directly to Fox News.
Look, Chicago is a big city, and murders happen, mostly with guns coming from deep red Republican Indiana. Damn Hoosiers! Chicago has almost 2.7 million people within its city limits including my 2 oldest children. They live in a neighborhood that 30 years ago was dangerous. Now, that neighborhood is absolutely delightful … except for the rats. The rats chewed through wiring in my son’s car, and my daughter has seen rats in her apartment’s basement while doing laundry. I noticed this rat-related sign during our last visit to see our kids in Chicago.
Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy and rabid Trump supporter, has apparently gone into hiding. He claims it is because of threats on his life. Methinks he is more likely hiding from process servers who have Dominion Voting Systems lawsuit papers for him.
If you have the stomach to recall, Lindell promised time after time to blow the lid off the 2020 election fraud and implicate Dominion Voting Systems. Except … he never did. He had lots of opportunities. He even made a movie about the election rigging. Except … the movie didn’t prove anything. It was full of spurious claims that Lindell swore he could prove. Except … he never did.
So, now he is keeping a low profile. Dominion had to hire a private investigator to locate crackpot attorney Sidney Powell to serve her with the lawsuit papers. Maybe they will have to do the same with Lindell.
Well, I’m down with Lindell hiding. It would be a feather in his cap to evade process servers that may blanket the area looking for him. I can’t play the role of comforter to him as I don’t like that he’s still in bed with Trump and that he continues to insist there was an election cover-up. That just foaments hate and unrest. It sounds like a bunch of sheet to me. And one last thing about pillows …