If you missed yesterday’s post, I finished writing a book this weekend. No, not a sequel to my Parasitic Twin novella, but a collection of short stories. As I warned I might do, the title has already been changed to “Beyond: Tales of the Afterlife.” But there were other milestones reached this past weekend.
Cowabunga!
This is the kind of story that could secure a Pulitzer for Kate Irby and the Fresno Bee.
I read the story to learn that Republican Congressman Devin Nines is suing 2 Twitter accounts purporting to be his cow and his mom. But what about the rest shown below? Do they get a free pass?
Stand Tall
Over the weekend, Donald Trump unleased a midnight Twitter attack against Democrat candidate Mike Bloomberg. This one sums it up …
This is remarkable considering Trump is a known Liftist. Take a look …
A Twitter Mystery
As the election cycle heats up, Russian Twitter bots are starting to swarm. If I get a new follower with a Twitter name including a long string of numbers, bad grammar in their tweets, and pro-Trump tweets, I’m pretty sure that it’s a Russian bot. They get an automatic block. I follow an outstanding political cartoonist, @repeat1968, who imagined what those pro-Trump Russian bots look like …
Terrifying. I always keep my eyes to the skies now.
When I got the following notifcation from Twitter, I immediately thought “eat” because I was hungry at the time. And then I thought “bot” because of the Twitter name. But that’s when the mystery started. Take a look …
Another Edition of Twitter Pics
I couldn’t come up with a mulch cartoon today, so you get more Twitter funnies. You’re welcome!
Here’s a campaign sign for Trump that I can get behind …
Speaking of getting behind Trump, today he delivered the most cogent tweet he has ever tweeted …
Twitter is Wonderful
I take back anything bad I wrote about Twitter in this morning’s post. All is forgiven when I see the dictionary apparently trolling Trump on Twitter today.
I officially love Twitter and find it wonderfully exhilarating.
Twitter is Exhausting
Don’t follow me on Twitter, please, not like any sane person would have any interest in doing that. I use Twitter to keep up on the latest Trump Resistance conspiracy theories and rage against Trump’s nonsensical tweets. I did get a kick out of engaging in some Twitter communication with my all-time favorite DJ just last weekend when he tweeted out that he was featuring music from 1982 on his Saturday morning show.
I think that’s what Twitter was supposed to be. Instead, we get idiotic Trump tweets like these …
Trump Tweet Stuttering
The slide to dementia continues as Trump’s tweet stuttering accelerates …
Question … Does Trump know what Google is or does?
What is Wrong with this Blog?
The title of this post could apply to this blog from the very first post, but it is especially applicable now. It used to be that readers could count on a post full of drivel from me almost every single day. You may have noticed (and rejoiced) that my posts have become more sporadic and less Trumpy. As for the latter, I am just sick of that saggy skin sack of lies and monkey feces. Sorry, that’s not fair to monkeys.
Wow, touchy. I said I was sorry. Anyway, I just want Trump impeached and voted out in 2020. I find nothing funny about him any longer.
As for the sporadicity (not a word, but a potential album title) of my posts, that’s another story.
Comfort Tweet
Is it crazy that I get worried that Trump hasn’t tweeted in over 18 hours? You know he’s up. You know he’s been watching Fox & Friends. Why no tweets? It makes me worried when he doesn’t tweet, like he is dealing with an actual national security issue. With his dissolving brain, that is cause for concern.
Okay, this is turning into live-blogging. As I type this post, Trump tweeted this …
Ah, that’s better. There is something comforting to me about Trump getting back to tweeting and wasting his time rather than potentially governing. This country is really messed up.
Is America Great or Not?
I saw this on Twitter this morning …
What happened in that one minute to change America from having to be made great to being great? Maybe Fox & Friends said something. Maybe nothing. Maybe he is tooting his own horn while still trying to sell more of those MAGA caps. Maybe his brain just continues to melt into dementia.
Haiku to You
I saw some 3-5-3 haiku on Twitter regarding Florida House Rep and Trump sycophant Matt Gaetz threatening Michael Cohen via this tweet.
I could not resist trying my hand at some haiku. I came up with a lot of variations on the same theme, but finally settled on this.
Gaetz sends tweet
To intimidate
Commits crime
An AOK MLK Day
I hope you had a good Dr. Martin Luther King Jr Day. I took some of the day off, and I hauled my 10 year old and her friend to an arcade where they could pretend they were somewhere else, anywhere else than with me, until it came time to recharge their gaming cards.
Also today, Donald Trump and Mike Pence surprised everyone with an unscheduled visit to take a minute to lay a wreath at the memorial to Dr. Martin Luther King. That was it. A minute. No words. No service projects. One quick wreath. The house cartoonist for Mad Dog PAC, @repeat1968, offered up this cartoon on Twitter to perfectly memorialize the event.
A Weight Has Been Lifted
My life has been decidedly different the past two months. Sure, the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s holidays have played a role in changing my life as I have been selling my blood plasma weekly in order to pay for holiday entertaining and presents. Do you know how hard it is to type when you’re woozy from being a pint low? But that’s not the real change. I’m talking about shedding a weight that has rested heavy on my shoulders the past two years. I know, I know, I should also shed some weight around my mid-section. But that weight on my shoulders was formidable, and now it is almost completely gone, lifting itself from my shoulders pound by pound daily over the past two months. And it has definitely changed this blog. Thank God something has. I’ll explain.
Trump Twitter Test
My wife does not use Twitter. My wife does not like Donald Trump. She seemed to me to be the perfect person to try my first Trump Twitter Test.
I refuse to follow Donald Trump on Twitter or anywhere else, but I do check in on him from time to time. I do follow a Donald Trump parody account that amuses me to no end.
So the test I prepared was to present my wife a parody Trump tweet and a real Trump tweet to see if she could identify parody vs. real. Would you like to play, too?
I have prepared the 2 tweets so they present very similarly. Ready? Here’s #1.
Here’s #2.
No Smocking Allowed
I’m Being Followed
I’m not yet very experienced in Twitter. I’m in the process of emerging from my Facebook chrysalis, and my Twitter wings are still wet. So when I saw that it looks like I’m being followed on Twitter by one of the most ruthless mobsters from the most famous crime family in the USA, I was not pleased. I didn’t panic. I didn’t delete all my tweets. I did clean out my 401K, but that was simply to pay a delinquent gas bill. Sorry, but just not a dedicated saver here and the weather is downright cold.
This is the Twitter notification I saw that sent chills through my body, or maybe it was that our gas heat had been shut off for going on 3 days now. Continue reading
God Bless Twitter
I am so thankful for Twitter. Now I know how I want my Christmas lights to look this year …
Doesn’t that arouse inside of you a desire to come and see the climax of my Christmas decorating? But that’s not all the holiday decorating that Twitter has inspired.
Every year I do a Nativity on Ice, but it is always so difficult putting skates on the dog. Who else is going to play the role of the ass in the stable? Don’t answer that. Regardless, instead of a Nativity on Ice this season, thanks to Twitter, I am inspired to do … Continue reading
Twitter > Facebook? Um, Maybe Not.
I have purged my Facebook successfully of all ridiculous, right wing, conspiracy theory posts. I just don’t see them anymore. I now see all sorts of cute kitty and animal videos.
Now there’s a clickbait gif if I ever saw it. I still get new Facebook friend requests daily from people I don’t know, but it is easy enough to delete those.
I thought Twitter would be better than Facebook. Then I see a tweet like this …
Poop Tweet > Blog Post
A recent blog post from here got some traction on Twitter and garnered hundreds of views for this blog. Maybe it was the picture I used.
Regardless, hundreds of views and ZERO “Likes” on Twitter. Zero as in nothing. Zero as in less than one, and one is the loneliest number. Zero as in zed for our Canadian readers. Take off, eh!
The post took more time than my usual word diarrhea that I hurl at this screen almost daily like feces from my monkey cage that I call my office. I actually gave it a little thought. And yet, it remains wildly unlikable on Twitter and here.
But then I tweeted this innocuous, throwaway, insignificant response to a tweet from someone I follow …
Anticipated Trump Tweet
Time Flies
Has it really been 17 years since September 11, 2017? Wow, time flies.
Trump Takes
Donald Trump cares. He knows we don’t have as much time as he does to watch television and tweet about what he just saw on Fox and Friends. He is always trying to help us through Twitter. He just helped us again. He knows we may not be able to keep up with all the times he obstructed justice during interviews, press conferences, rallies, statements, and tweets. Just in case we forgot that he has obstructed justice, we are grateful that he dropped this tweet on us …
Not Viral, but …
Several of my children were visiting a few days ago to celebrate one of their birthdays, although I swear that we celebrate more kid birthdays than the number of kids I have. I asked my eldest daughter who is Twitter-savvy about how many Likes or Retweets are needed for a tweet to be considered to have gone viral. She replied, “Thousands.”
The reason I asked is because of this tweet of mine …
It caught me by surprise that 146 people would like this tweet because it is a fairly inconsequential tweeted response to Rep Eric Swalwell of California and the dude who runs MadDog PAC that sells great anti-Trump swag to fund anti-Trump billboards across the country. It is so inconsequential that I have elected not to even show the whole tweet. If you really want to see it, follow me on Twitter @jim_flanigan. I recommend against it.
But then, what really surprised me was this …
Mite Be Funny #80 – Special Multi-Panel Election Edition
And Under the Trump Bus Goes Don Jr.
I saw this tweet in real time this morning. I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading.
I had no reply to tweet because I was not prepared for Trump Sr. throwing his son under the bus the way he did. Trump Sr. appears to use the “I didn’t do it, but my son did” defense.
I can only speculate on the conversation this tweet generated.
Jr: Oh father, I feel quite uncomfortable with my head resting under the bus tire.
Sr: Don’t worry. They’ll provide you a pillow in prison.
Flies On Washington Walls #119
Flies On Washington Walls #113 – Muslim Ban Multi-Panel Edition
Flies On Washington Walls #111 – Special Summit Multi-Panel Edition
Random Thoughts for a Rainy Day
What better time is it to explore the depths of my reportedly absent mind than a rainy day? So without further ado (and further adon’t), I offer you another edition of my Random Thoughts.
My dog is now losing her puppy teeth.
Does that mean a new necklace for my wife is in her future?
Does Twitter About Tatters = Twatters?
This is a perfect example of the reason I gave up trying to do funny, phony Trump tweets …
If Only We Knew …
Hindsight always seems to be 20/20. No, not this kind of hindsight …
I’m talking about looking back and rethinking decisions. For example, take Hawaii, please …
I’ve Been Stood Up
Once Trumpatized 2018 v2.0 was released, I was pretty sure I was just a few million downloads away from easy street, fame and fortune. How was I going to get a few million downloads? I figured I’d start with one million and work my way up from there. I wasn’t so sure about how to do that, except I was certain that all of you reading this would not be a huge help. Geez, it’s like pulling teeth to just get a “Like” on some of these posts, probably because reading some of my posts is like getting a tooth pulled. I had to find a way to get that song to go viral, although I was willing to settle for bacterial.
I decided on promotion. I have heard that there is no such thing as bad publicity, so I considered a really random act of stupidity that would get national attention, but the office of President is already filled. What? It’s working for him.
I tried more traditional methods and shopped the song around to some progressive media outlets. The response was incredible. No wait, I typed that wrong. The response was inaudible, except for these guys …
Circle Back to Racism
I just love the circular logic in this Trump tweet …
So if we take away people’s food stamps and make participation in the program more difficult, less people use food stamps. Brilliant! I cannot dispute that logical argument that is nothing more than chasing your logical tail. However, I think it is a bit of a reach to say that A (taking away people’s food stamps) resulted in B (more employment). Maybe the last line should read … The American people are finally hungry!
I would prefer to see a similar tweet like this …
No Secrets!
Donald Trump is a guy who has repeatedly claimed that he never would divulge his military strategy, I think mainly because he typically doesn’t have one. Now that bombing Syria looks like an option, Trump is only too willing to share that with the world …
Get Some Counseling
I’m going to cut Donald Trump some slack on this tweet from early this morning …
Although I circled 5 errors, I am willing to give the guy a break. He was up early, working hard, tweeting away. Mistakes happen. They just seem to happen everyday, multiple times per day to Trump. Just FYI, although Trump has referred to himself in the third person before, in this tweet he was trying to quote scumbag lawyer Alan Dershowitz. Sorry, alleged scumbag lawyer Alan Dershowitz. To his credit, Trump corrected the tweet. Here is the “corrected” version …
Before & After Tweets
Before the special election in Pennsylvania’s 18th Congressional District …
And after …
Happy International Women’s Day, Despite this Tweet
Don’t blame memes. Memes don’t make people stupid. People already are stupid. Memes are not the problem.
That title is just a little preview of the absurd logic used by people on social media, twisted a bit to suit my need to make a point. Of course that title is logically not correct. Yes, there are stupid people. Yes, memes are a problem these days, especially the ones created by foreigners.
I ran across a meme similar to this one on social media …
No, I don’t agree, so I didn’t share. The logic used is riddled with holes like Swiss cheese. Gee, what a surprise, another example of failed logic embraced by NRA lovers. In previous posts, we have already explored the Fallacy of the Alternative Disjunct in a post on Syrian refugees. What’s that? You don’t recall the Fallacy of the Alternative Disjunct? I warned you that there may be a test later. I suppose we can review …
I Missed a Wedding Anniversary
Gulp. I hate when that happens. It is really the worst. I shouldn’t miss it after all these years, but I did. I didn’t see any signs, any hints, any tweets.
Flies On Washington Walls #77
Flies On Washington Walls #68
A Cold Look at 2018
Although I recently blogged that I can’t bring myself to create any more fake Trump tweets, there are plenty who still do. Here’s a primer so you can tell the difference.
2017 Follower of the Year Award
Yes, it is that time of the year again, when I narrow my list of followers to those that aren’t doped-up on thorazine or any other anti-psychotic drug, sift through the handful of followers that remain, and choose a Follower of the Year. Past winners have been so self-effacing that they have asked me to never mention them again. Actually, it was their lawyers that asked, in writing via a court order.
No AID for Robert Mueller
This tweet from Trump actually started out good, but then …
Someone woke up grumpy.
Happy Flynn Flip Friday!
It’s my birthday today, but nobody cares, including me. My birthday is being completely overshadowed by Flynn Flip Friday which is fine by me. I wasn’t surprised or even upset that the first (and maybe last) annual Christmas Tree lighting ceremony on my birthday eve under Trump literally drew tens of people to it …
Under His Spell
BREAKING NEWS
We have learned exclusively that Donald Trump will not tweet any defense of his former adviser, George Papadopoulos, who has plead guilty to lying to the FBI, primarily because he can’t spell Papadopoulos.
SAD vs Sad!
I took a walk yesterday for exercise. It was cold, dreary, overcast and at times, snowing hard. For someone with SAD, it was a very difficult walk. I’m not talking about being sad. I’m talking about Seasonal Affective Disorder, when the lack of sunlight in fall & winter causes my body to crash and my lightbox becomes my best friend, somewhat like this …
Those Poor People
Donald Trump is finally paying some attention to the victims of the hurricanes that devastated Puerto Rico. He sent out this series of tweets explaining their plight …
Predilection for Re-election
Is Trump saying this is a bad thing or is he showing Republicans how to get re-elected?
Happy International Day of Peace
New Trump, Same Bad Memory
I want to extend my congratulations to Donald Trump on the birth of his new grandson, whose arrival was of course tweeted out …
In related news, Trump’s lead lawyer in the Russia investigation, Ty Cobb, said that the newest Trump has no knowledge of anything Russian and would be unavailable to Robert Mueller for testimony regarding the Russia investigation for at least a year. Expected godfather “Uncle” Felix Sater was unavailable for comment.
Trump’s Bigger Than Obama’s?
Job Creation
Texas Flooded With Trump Support
Par For The Course
Trump Blows Back at Harvey
Trump’s Black & White World
Kudos to Ken Frazier, CEO of pharmaceutical manufacturer Merck, for resigning from Trump’s American manufacturing council. Frazier had been the sole black CEO on that council. Gee, what a surprise. Frazier’s resignation on behalf of Merck appears to stem directly from Trump’s lack of leadership following the Charlottesville white supremacist debacle this weekend, per this statement tweeted out …
We Got a Leaker!
This morning, the blithering and blathering idiots hosting Fox & Friends asked UN Ambassador Nikki Haley to comment on their Fox story reporting that spy satellites detected that North Korea is moving more missiles in place for testing. That sounds like pretty sensitive stuff. To her credit, Nikki Haley responded this way …
Made In America Week Ends баснословно
WARNING: This is an experimental, interactive post. Read with caution.
This was a great Made In America Week, celebrating the USA’s production capability. We are grateful for Donald Trump’s contribution to USA production, although that may sound counter-intuitive since just about everything with a Trump name on it such as all of Ivanka’s fashion line and Trump’s golf paraphernalia is made outside the USA, except for those crappy MAGA caps.
And then we have this tweet …
Don’t Get Captured. Don’t Get Cancer.
Wishing for a Hole In One!
I’ll bet he’s looking forward to another day of women’s golf in his private box! I’m imagining a whole lot of this going on in the Trump suite …
Get Twitter Right!
There is a lot of incorrect stuff on Twitter, but this is a mistake that could have easily been avoided through some updating …
That should read “… 5 out of 6 NY crime families: Bonanno, Gambino, Genovese, Colombo and now Trump.”
Fox News Unintentionally Hilarious
Once again, Fox News gets it wrong in a tweet, but in a delightfully hilarious way …
I do believe that Trump officials will be headed to federal prison, not Gitmo.
Trump Talking Turkey
Summer School Multi Media Project? Done!
Lil’ Donnie Trump finished his middle school multi media video project and proudly posted it on Twitter today. (For non-Twitter users, he really did post this, making this part of the presidential record) Here is a YouTube Link in case you missed it …
Obscene Tweet
Now that the National Enquirer is back in the news briefly, I spotted this pic on Twitter of Donald Trump and David Pecker, CEO of the National Enquirer and other sordid rags. Frankly, I was shocked. I was not aware that Twitter would allow a pic of two peckers rubbing together.
Yes, I realize this was a cheap, middle school level joke. It fits at least one of those pictured. As for the other one, all I know is his last name is Pecker.
Copycat Civil War?
Flies On Washington Walls #5
Deciphering the Undecipherable
This was tweeted today …
Not since the covfefe tweet has a tweet made less sense. I will do my best to decipher the undecipherable.
What’s true is that Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post and is CEO of Amazon.
What’s false is just about everything else in that tweet including:
-
There is no such thing as an internet tax.
-
Amazon should not pay an internet tax that does not exist.
-
Amazon pays sales tax in the 45 states where it is required.
-
The Washington Post is the antithesis of fake news.
6:06AM is too early to tweet and make sense. Have a cup of covfefe before tweeting next time.
Flies On Washington Walls #4
Hidden Messages
I have expounded my theory before on this blog that Donald Trump is NOT the blithering idiot that he appears to be, despite behavior to the contrary, over and over and over. It is my stated theory that he is sending us hidden messages, not to be confused with the hidden massages that he is keeping secret from Melania. Take this series of tweets from this morning for example …
It is so obvious to me that he is couching his message secretly, so that it takes some thought to see what he is really saying. This is not to be confused with sofaing the message when your phone drops down between the cushions while tweeting. No, he’s really got a message for us, but we have to separate the wheat words from the chaff words. Allow me to demonstrate …
New Math
We got this pearl of wisdom (among others) from His Orangeness this morning …
I know there had recently been some controversy about how many Trump Twitter followers were real accounts and how many were (Russian) bots. Taking a look this morning, I see that Twitter Audit estimated this …
Sad!
From today …
I don’t have any jokes about this. I do think it is important to see the sad ravings of this pathetic excuse for a man.
In addition to Trump’s desperate tweets, Jared Kushner’s business dealings (money laundering) are now under investigation, and Mike Pence has lawyered up, so it was a decent day overall.
Welcome Back
I was sooooooooooooooo disappointed with the James Comey testimony yesterday at the Senate Committee hearing. Where was the Donald Trump live tweeting that was floated as a possibility? It was almost 48 hours between tweets for Trump and none live when Comey was testifying. And now, this is the first tweet we get as we welcome Trump back to the twitterverse …
Based on that twisted tweet, it appears that Trump may have asked Senator John McCain to explain to him about what actually went on at the Comey Senate Committee hearing. I’m just surprised that he didn’t mention Crooked Hillary and call to Lock Her Up.
Wary of Wray
Zero Tweets About Zero
Make America Ninja Again
Phuc – Trump (meeting, of course)
No Sugar With My Covfefe
Finally, finally, finally, we get an honest-to-God real tweet from Donald Trump that actually makes the most sense of any tweet he has ever sent …
I can’t argue with him or parody this in any way. I agree 100%.
Grammar Rules!
I totally understand how people can get confused by some words. Principal and principle always made me pause until my friend, a HS principal, told me to remember that a principal can be your pal. That’s a great mnemonic device.
I can also understand the confusion between council and counsel. But this real tweet? Really?
Dude, there is no such word as councel. That’s not even one of the available spellings. Now you are not even making bad word choices (among other bad choices), but you are just making words up. Just remember, “I” after “C” and “E” after “S.” That spells ICES, and we all know ICE is near and dear to your heart. Another great mnemonic device. On second thought, maybe that’s not such a good idea. ICES sounds too much like ISIS. Before long we will probably get this imagined tweet …
Better idea! Take his phone. For the sake of grammar, please, somebody take his phone.
Holt That Thought
Trump Ruins Another Blog Post
Ugh, this idiot Trump ruined another one of my childish blog posts scheduled for publication tonight. It wasn’t much of a post. It was just a pic of real Trump tweets in chronological order crying about the Russia investigations, Sally Yates and James Clapper. At the end, I added a fake Trump tweet for comic effect. Here it is …
Investigating Sally Yates
This real Trump tweet this morning spurred my investigative side …
Who is this W.H. Council to whom Sally Yates explained this classified information? And so, once again our crack investigative team trumps Fake News and has launched an independent investigation. Our findings so far …
Continue reading
Rubber Trump
Unlike some of my “enhanced” Trump tweets, this one is the real deal …
This is an excellent example of perfect deployment of the “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you” defense. I would not be surprised if we see a follow-up tweet using the “I know you are, but what am I?” argument.
Aristotle would be so proud.
Tweeting Some Love For Trumpcare
I knew the endorsements for the AHCA/Trumpcare would be coming.
Trump Off To Bed(minster)
Spin This
Another Trump Win in Round 1
Trump Refuses Aid to Europe?
I really wish the first part of this embellished tweet wasn’t real …
Happy Earth Day, Part 2
Happy Earth Day, Part 1
Trump Finds Job Taxing
Armada, Not Your Mada
Both Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster proclaimed that it was a prudent decision to sent the USS Carl Vinson aircraft carrier to the Korean peninsula about a week ago.
Of course, the Cheeto-in-Chief couldn’t keep quiet and wanted the world to know that he was very well aware of what was heading to the Korean peninsula …
“We are sending an armada. Very powerful. We have submarines. Very powerful, far more powerful than the aircraft carrier, that I can tell you,” Trump said in an interview with Fox Business Network.
Except he didn’t send an armada. Now we find that the USS Carl Vinson has been nowhere close to the Korean peninsula. I think it is just a matter of time before we see this Trump tweet …
Continue reading
Trump’s Easter Tweet Surprise for Jesus
The entirety of the Christian faith is based upon the Easter holiday, not Christmas as some think. Easter just plays second fiddle to Christmas because the gifts are not as big, although the chocolate is yummy. Regardless of what you may personally believe, there is no dispute that Easter is truly the holiest of holy holidays for Christians. And on that Christian holy day of Easter in 2017, we get this nonsensical rant (that I initially thought were “joke” Trump tweets like those that I sometimes create) tweeted out …
And this is the irreverent idiot that Christian evangelicals helped elect?
“Oy vey” – Jesus, upon seeing his Twitter feed yesterday.
Happy Tweetster!
Trump Sets Twitter Record
Donald Trump, who would like to be thought of as the best in the world in everything, has indeed claimed yet another world record with this actual tweet from today …
Trump Gorsuch Tweets Captioned
I watched the video embedded in Trump’s Gorsuch swearing-in tweet, and wondered if what they were really saying and thinking went something more like this …
Family Tweet Time
