A devastating balloon drop closed the Democratic National Convention, killing 3 while injuring 6 including Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton.
The FBI is investigating evidence that Republican operatives sabotaged the balloon drop by increasing the quantity and weight of the balloons.
Donald Trump toady Chris Christie is being detained and interviewed about his whereabouts on the fourth night of the Democratic National Convention thanks to the above picture taken prior to the evening’s events. The fact that the picture had Christie’s name on it with a question mark after it provided the FBI with just the lead they needed.
Vice President Joe Biden was whisked to safety as the balloon barrage rained down upon those on stage. “Malarkey, those balloons are filled with malarkey,” Biden wailed as he watched in horror as friends were being crushed as the Secret Service dragged him away. Unfortunately for the Democrats on stage that night, malarkey-filled air is 153 times as dense as normal air. As we go to press, balloons from the event are being analyzed by Los Alamos National Lab for evidence of malarkey.
Was that a harmonica in Tom Kaine’s pocket or was he just happy to be on stage? Yes, musician and Vice Presidential candidate Tim Kaine did indeed have a harmonica in his pocket, but was certainly not happy to be there for this disaster. However, Kaine was grateful to have the harmonica in his pocket as it took the brunt of the blows from the balloons. Kaine later released this picture to show the harmonica that saved his life, hopelessly bent out of shape from the crushing balloon blows.
Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton fared about as well as Tim Kaine’s harmonica, suffering a crushed pelvis in the tragedy. This photograph captured the exact moment when Clinton was pinned underneath a giant malarkey-filled balloon.
WARNING: The following image is graphic and may be upsetting to more sensitive readers, but not to Bernie Sanders supporters.
Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders looked upon the tragedy unfolding below him with indifference …
This has led some to speculate that the tampered balloon drop was an inside job among Democrats. Logic does tell us that if the balloon drop had been engineered by Republicans, the balloons would have been so full of hot air that they would have risen to the ceiling. If only that had been the case.
As a precaution, Democrats are planning to add balloon-sniffing dogs to the next convention.