Halloween Hijinks

I hope you all had a fun Halloween. We started celebrating the scary holiday by attending Halloweensteen, a Bruce Springsteen tribute concert performed annually by Chicago native singer/songwriter Michael McDermott. It appears to be a beloved Chicago tradition that I had never heard of before with many repeat attendees. Now I know why. The show exceeded our expectations. There’s a big difference between a bunch of local musicians forming a tribute band to mimic an artist’s music and a professional musician like McDermott assembling other professional musicians to interpret and perform another professional’s songs.

Our seats were outstanding. The last time my wife and I were at the excellent and classy Park West concert hall, we stood and swayed through a show by Brit pop-rocker Dave Edmunds. However, my wife has knee issues worse than me, so I called ahead to check and see if we could be guaranteed seats. Well, not only were we provided seats, but they were just off to the side of the stage on a padded bench in a handicappped section. We had a great view.

There was a bit of a problem as drinking progressed at the 2+ hour show. I’ll explain.

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The Liberal Media Invades Football (satire alert!)

I think I finally understand the complaints about the liberal media. It all became perfectly clear as I watched my beloved Chicago Bears dismantle the New England Patriots on Monday Night Football last night. Take a look at who Peyton and Eli Manning had as a guest on their Manningcast.

That’s right. A liberal former Democrat President who had nothing to do with football during his career. How about having a qanonservative former Republican President as a guest who actually owned a professional football team? Here’s the story.

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On The Campaign Trail & a FREE Book!

I’ve been busy recently supporting local Democrat candidates by hitting the campaign trail while also working at my business and writing this biting humor blog.

Editor’s Note: This idiot once heard someone say that his blog bites, so that’s where he got the idea that this blog contains “biting humor.”

As the elected Democratic Precinct Committee Person for the area, my job is to deliver candidate literature, signs, and general encouragement to vote. That’s all well and good, and I am happy to do so. However, I was less than thrilled to be called this name as I arrived at a house …

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Is Dave > God?

Recently, I told our pastor that she had restored my faith that Christianity can actually do good. She resigned. I don’t think the two events are related, but who knows?

I am so sick and tired of Republican Christian zealots who are trying to take over US government, local government, public schools, and just about everything else. Those Christian zombies want all of us to abdicate thought and blindly trust their twisted interpretation of God’s will so that everyone will sleepwalk their way through life.

I find that concept monstrous. Maybe not as monstrous as this though.

Rather than just throwing the whole bowl of conservative Christian spaghetti at the cultural wall in the US and seeing what sticks, I’d rather we focus more on Christian behavior to help our fellow men and women in need, regardless of their faith or lack thereof.

Can I get behind this?

Yeah, sure, but how do you explain this?

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Ironic Republican Political Advertising

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to serve as an elected government official, but it doesn’t hurt. We’re spoiled by the elected representatives in our Fox River Valley area. Representing our area in the US House of Representatives, we have a literal rocket scientist (Democrat Dr. Bill Foster with his Doctorate in Physics), another scientist with a Master’s Degree in Biochemical Engineering (Democrat Sean Casten), a registered nurse (Democrat Lauren Underwood), and an attorney with his undergrad degree in Mechanical Engineering (Democrat Raja Krishnamoorthi). Hmm, what do they all have in common? Yes, they are all from this area. Yes, they are all currently serving in the House of Representatives. Yes, they all received votes. I sense you aren’t even trying. Think on it just a bit more. No, despite being House members, they don’t all actually live in the same house, à la the TV show Big Brother. Try again. Yes, that’s correct! They are all Democrats.

Well, what we have for her and all citizens of the USA are competent people providing good governance. Meanwhile, across the aisle, I saw these two ads for a Republican candidate for governor in Georgia.

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What Ukraine Means to Me

Just a few years ago, before Donald Trump asked Ukrainian President Zelenskyy for an infamous favor and brought the spotlight on Ukraine, this is how I viewed the country.

  • It was The Ukraine. I’m not sure why, since it makes no sense. It’s not The Greece or The Canada. Why The Ukraine? No idea, but it sounded correct.
  • The capital city was two-syllable Kiev.
  • Ukrainians elected a comedian as president. How could they be taken seriously? Yes, a similar argument can be made about the USA in 2016, but that’s a blog post for another day that has already been written by many and read by millions.
  • Ukrainian national clothing was colorful.
  • The Ukraine was part of the former USSR, so could they really be trusted? Aren’t they likely in cahoots with Russia?
  • We have a Ukrainian Village neighborhood in Chicago, so maybe that means they’re okay and can be trusted after all.
  • I had no idea why The Ukraine was important economically.

Things have changed for me.

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Republicans Saved Me From Embarrassment

I had a morning coffee meeting with a local Republican government official this week. It was a beautiful morning, clear and crisp, so I decided to bike there. There was only one big problem … my masks are in my car. I was halfway there when I realized that I was maskless, and Illinois has an indoor mask mandate. Uh-oh. I began to consider what my Plan B and Plan C would be.

I decided Plan B would be for me to signal to my meeting buddy to come outside, order for me, and we’ll sit outside. Except, I couldn’t recall exactly what he looked like. That could be a problem. I knew he was an older white male. Shocker for a Republican.

Anyway, I felt like I needed a Plan C. It turned out to be this …

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Ivermectin? No, I Don’t Vermectin. You Shouldn’t Either.

Yesterday, the mites delivered an anti-Ivermectin cartoon on this blog that blew up the internet. No, wait, I may have gotten that slightly wrong. I’ll try that again. Yesterday, the mites delivered an anti-Ivermectin cartoon on this blog that blew. That’s more like it. Anyway, the mites joined a legion of others that are begging people not to take livestock dewormer Ivermectin for Covid. Here’s known cable news smarty-pants Rachel Maddow trying to explain why people are taking a livestock dewormer for Covid.

Oh, right, Fox News. There are potential side effects, like death. And take a look at what has happened to conservative pundit Ann Coulter after taking Ivermectin.

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Is Chicago Dangerous?

In my real life, I have a customer who is terrified of Chicago. I’m guessing he listened to Trump and Fox News as they have framed Chicago like a war zone. My customer would always warn me about staying away from Chicago. We love to visit the city, and have never felt in danger. Chicago is truly one of the great cities in the world. I finally told my customer in no uncertain terms about what a wonderful city Chicago is, and I haven’t heard anything about Chicago from him since then. Good! If I want to hear lies, I’ll tune in directly to Fox News.

Look, Chicago is a big city, and murders happen, mostly with guns coming from deep red Republican Indiana. Damn Hoosiers! Chicago has almost 2.7 million people within its city limits including my 2 oldest children. They live in a neighborhood that 30 years ago was dangerous. Now, that neighborhood is absolutely delightful … except for the rats. The rats chewed through wiring in my son’s car, and my daughter has seen rats in her apartment’s basement while doing laundry. I noticed this rat-related sign during our last visit to see our kids in Chicago.

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The Importance of Being Ernst

This picture featuring ultra-conservative Republican (redundant) Iowa Senator Joni Ernst has been floating around social media.

I was disappointed to read that her poster was photoshopped. It’s so hard to tell these days. This is what the actual poster showed.

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Overcoming Adversity vs Giant Shit Show

At the Democratic National Convention last week, Joe Biden pulled out the stuttering handicap he overcame for all to see. Apparently, he helps and mentors stutterers he meets in his travels. A young stuttering teen named Brayden spoke on Biden’s behalf at the convention. Here’s the first meeting between Biden & Brayden.

No, I’m not crying. I think I have something in my eye that must have punctured my eyeball and is causing it to ooze.

That’s all well and good, but what about Trump’s handicap? No, not the textbook narcissism. He overcame bone spurs. BONE SPURS! They sound very boney and spurry. But he overcame them so well, that he can now do this …

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A Weight Has Been Lifted

My life has been decidedly different the past two months. Sure, the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s holidays have played a role in changing my life as I have been selling my blood plasma weekly in order to pay for holiday entertaining and presents. Do you know how hard it is to type when you’re woozy from being a pint low? But that’s not the real change. I’m talking about shedding a weight that has rested heavy on my shoulders the past two years. I know, I know, I should also shed some weight around my mid-section. But that weight on my shoulders was formidable, and now it is almost completely gone, lifting itself from my shoulders pound by pound daily over the past two months. And it has definitely changed this blog. Thank God something has. I’ll explain.

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Fantasy Domination

If you are reading this blog post while wearing a ball gag and handcuffs, I am sorry to tell you that you have been misled by the title. I am talking about fantasy football domination in my family league like this …

Fantasy Domination.jpg

Can I get a booyah for a shutout?

booyah

Thank you. I don’t know which one of my Trump-loving relatives runs that Bye team (and what a terrible name for a fantasy football team with no logo whatsoever), but that team sucks. They scored nothing against me last week. Total fantasy domination.

But that was last week, and I only have a couple more weeks left in the season to tweak the Trump-lovers in my family fantasy football league with clever team names and logos like last week’s Collusionistas.

GOP shirt

I wanted to hammer (and sickle) the Russian connection more, so here is my new team logo …

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Stoned Fantasy

My Tired Winners family fantasy football team got back to its losing ways last weekend. Whew! The pressure of winning was unbearable and exhausting. I was loathe to abandon my Tired Winners logo. It suited me so well, at least the tired part.

Tired of Winning

But it was time to move on and a new target has recently emerged in the Russian investigation concerning Trump world. That target is GOP dirty trickster and former Trump adviser Roger Stone. To me, a logical team name appeared to be the Stoned Pinheads with one of these pics as a logo.

But I did not want to disparage pinheads, so I discarded the pinhead concept and considered this Roger Stone pic for inspiration.

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