Is Chicago Dangerous?

In my real life, I have a customer who is terrified of Chicago. I’m guessing he listened to Trump and Fox News as they have framed Chicago like a war zone. My customer would always warn me about staying away from Chicago. We love to visit the city, and have never felt in danger. Chicago is truly one of the great cities in the world. I finally told my customer in no uncertain terms about what a wonderful city Chicago is, and I haven’t heard anything about Chicago from him since then. Good! If I want to hear lies, I’ll tune in directly to Fox News.

Look, Chicago is a big city, and murders happen, mostly with guns coming from deep red Republican Indiana. Damn Hoosiers! Chicago has almost 2.7 million people within its city limits including my 2 oldest children. They live in a neighborhood that 30 years ago was dangerous. Now, that neighborhood is absolutely delightful … except for the rats. The rats chewed through wiring in my son’s car, and my daughter has seen rats in her apartment’s basement while doing laundry. I noticed this rat-related sign during our last visit to see our kids in Chicago.

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The Importance of Being Ernst

This picture featuring ultra-conservative Republican (redundant) Iowa Senator Joni Ernst has been floating around social media.

I was disappointed to read that her poster was photoshopped. It’s so hard to tell these days. This is what the actual poster showed.

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Overcoming Adversity vs Giant Shit Show

At the Democratic National Convention last week, Joe Biden pulled out the stuttering handicap he overcame for all to see. Apparently, he helps and mentors stutterers he meets in his travels. A young stuttering teen named Brayden spoke on Biden’s behalf at the convention. Here’s the first meeting between Biden & Brayden.

No, I’m not crying. I think I have something in my eye that must have punctured my eyeball and is causing it to ooze.

That’s all well and good, but what about Trump’s handicap? No, not the textbook narcissism. He overcame bone spurs. BONE SPURS! They sound very boney and spurry. But he overcame them so well, that he can now do this …

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A Weight Has Been Lifted

My life has been decidedly different the past two months. Sure, the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s holidays have played a role in changing my life as I have been selling my blood plasma weekly in order to pay for holiday entertaining and presents. Do you know how hard it is to type when you’re woozy from being a pint low? But that’s not the real change. I’m talking about shedding a weight that has rested heavy on my shoulders the past two years. I know, I know, I should also shed some weight around my mid-section. But that weight on my shoulders was formidable, and now it is almost completely gone, lifting itself from my shoulders pound by pound daily over the past two months. And it has definitely changed this blog. Thank God something has. I’ll explain.

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Fantasy Domination

If you are reading this blog post while wearing a ball gag and handcuffs, I am sorry to tell you that you have been misled by the title. I am talking about fantasy football domination in my family league like this …

Fantasy Domination.jpg

Can I get a booyah for a shutout?

booyah

Thank you. I don’t know which one of my Trump-loving relatives runs that Bye team (and what a terrible name for a fantasy football team with no logo whatsoever), but that team sucks. They scored nothing against me last week. Total fantasy domination.

But that was last week, and I only have a couple more weeks left in the season to tweak the Trump-lovers in my family fantasy football league with clever team names and logos like last week’s Collusionistas.

GOP shirt

I wanted to hammer (and sickle) the Russian connection more, so here is my new team logo …

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Stoned Fantasy

My Tired Winners family fantasy football team got back to its losing ways last weekend. Whew! The pressure of winning was unbearable and exhausting. I was loathe to abandon my Tired Winners logo. It suited me so well, at least the tired part.

Tired of Winning

But it was time to move on and a new target has recently emerged in the Russian investigation concerning Trump world. That target is GOP dirty trickster and former Trump adviser Roger Stone. To me, a logical team name appeared to be the Stoned Pinheads with one of these pics as a logo.

But I did not want to disparage pinheads, so I discarded the pinhead concept and considered this Roger Stone pic for inspiration.

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Steve Bannon’s Halloween Nightmare

It wasn’t too long ago that former Trump adviser Steve Bannon had thoughts of using his lofty position in the Trump Administration as a possible jumping off spot for a future run at the presidency. He did have the ear of the most powerful and moronic man in the world, Donald Trump.

US-POLITICS-TRUMP-STAFF

 

And then, just like that, Bannon was gone from the Trump Administration. And last night, on All Hallows’ Eve Eve, Steve Bannon found himself facing his worst Halloween nightmare here …

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Meet Jeff Fortenberry *stifled chuckle*

Jeff Fortenberry is a member of the House of Representatives from the state of Nebraska. And he’s got a funny name. You know how you want to say his last name. Go ahead, say it. I know you just said it. It is funny, isn’t it? But you know what’s not funny? Violence and vandalism. See Jeff’s tweet below.

fartenberry tweet crop

Except, when it looks like this …

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A Picture is Worth 120 Indictments

As seen on 60 Minutes, now hanging in the White House is this …

Republican Prez Pic

I guess they were out of the picture of dogs playing poker.

I really do think it is magnanimous of Donald Trump to display a painting of Alec Baldwin’s characterization of Trump. I mean, that can’t possibly be Trump, unless he has hidden about 60 pounds of flab behind him. Maybe that’s what his right arm is holding. If that is the case, poor Gerald Ford.

That picture represents 120 indictments and 89 prison sentences. I don’t expect that number to grow. Oh, you seem surprised. I mean, I don’t think Alec Baldwin or his people are going to get into enough trouble to generate indictments.

 

Well, Now What?

Now that Bart O’Kavanaugh has been confirmed to the US Supreme Court, I think we have learned a few things.

First, Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski deserves some respect. She listened to her constituents, and voted in a way to represent their wishes. I hear that useless bag of creepy skin filled with idiocy and oozing out word jumbles known as Sarah Palin is threatening to primary Murkowski in 2020. Newsflash! Murkowski was already primaried in the last Senate election in 2010 by her beloved Republican party, and she still won the general election as a freakin’ write-in candidate. Do you know how hard it is to spell Murkowski?

Q: What Democrat looks like a Republican, talks like a Republican, and votes like a Republican?

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Invisible Glasses

I am still scratching my head trying to figure out how all the Republican senators on the Judiciary Committee can turn their back on non-investigated sexual assault charges and vote to pass along SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh for a full Senate vote. Maybe it is because of the invisible glasses that Orrin Hatch wears that allows him to see the truth that we cannot see.

Hatch glasses.gif

Maybe it is because Lindsey Graham can’t imagine sexually assaulting a female. I wonder what kind of kompromat the Russians are holding over Graham’s head that have made him take such a 180 degree turn and become such a Trump toadie. Just look at the change …

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