I was shocked when I saw this email message from WordPress I received.
Well, that was unexpected. It turns out that I will be able to purchase half a candy bar at the Dollar Store after all. Could it be that the WordsAd advertising I have enabled on this blog is actually paying off? Let’s take a peek.
I tried to search in this blog for the last time I recently saved a life, but honestly, this blog is loaded so full to the bursting point with nonsense and BS that I can’t find it. But I do recall it. Or maybe it was saving a life by not killing someone. Regardless, I did find this lifesaving story from almost 4 years ago. Anyway, yesterday, while waiting at O’Hare Airport in Chicago for my 13 year old daughter’s flight to arrive after a school trip to Washington, DC and NYC, I did it again. I saved another life.
As I was killing time before my daughter’s flight arrived, I wandered around racking up the steps. It was at the top of a down escalator when I noticed an older woman struggling a bit to take the escalator down. It looked like she planned to ride the handrail of the escalator down rather than standing on the steps. And that doesn’t normally go well.
Then I realized this woman had missed the steps, and she was hung up straddling the handrail. If you are younger, missing the steps can be okay as demonstrated by this guy.
I had plans to revive my television career and win an Emmy in 2022, but those plans took a hit this past weekend. Oh, did I bury the lead that I previously had a career in television? I had a supporting role on the game show Shop ’til You Drop. I was on a business trip to California many years ago, went to watch a Shop ’til You Drop taping in Hollywood, and was plucked out from among the rabble in the studio audience to play a supporting role on that episode. I got to wear a colorful clown wig saturated with shampoo that contestants smelled in an effort to guess the brand of shampoo. I wore the wig well, bringing a never before seen regal dignity to the role and fully expected an Emmy nomination for my performance. Sadly, it never came. Probably due to the Irish prejudice rife in Hollywood in those days as evidenced by this Itchy & Scratchy cartoon from that era.
After hanging around the studio’s back alley entrance for a few weeks unsuccessfully waiting to be discovered after my breakout role, I grudgingly left Sin City to return to my career as the Sales & Marketing Manager for a Midwestern temperature sensor manufacturer. Yawn. It was difficult after having tasted the forbidden fruit growing on the seamy underbelly of Hollywood. Oh, wait, scratch that. I forgot, my wife sometimes reads this mess.
Anyhoo, I fully expected that my television career was about to be resurrected this past weekend after seeing this in the local paper.
I received a text from my youngest daughter’s school reminding everyone that today is actually twoday. You know, 2-22-22 in the US and 22-2-22 in the rest of the world. I much prefer the symmetry of 22-2-22 and love those even numbers, despite 2 being prime. Thanks, OCD! I will not much like 55-5-55 assuming my kids preserve my brain for reanimation at some point in 2055 and that May has expanded to 55 days by then through an invasion and annexation of part of April.
Anyway, the school is encouraging students to dress with a 2 theme today. You know, 2 socks, 2 shoes, or limiting them to 2 facial piercings & visible tattoos. I think my daughter is planning to wear one of my toupees, or I should say twopees, twoday.
The other day, I added air to my wife’s car’s tires using an air compressor that plugs into the car’s 12V power outlet. The use of the compressor plus the cold weather overnight was enough to drain the car’s battery, and my wife was unable to start her car the next morning. After driving her to work, I used a trickle charger on the battery and got it back to full strength.
Yes, I admit I drained the battery. But I do want credit for:
I have started a new “career” doing market research studies for cash. So far, I have finished a Medicare study that was not only profitable, but provided me useful information. Next week, I am scheduled for some product taste testing. Yum!
As I review and apply for opportunities, I spotted these two.
Now that’s a lot of money. After seeing those, I can’t help but feel jealous of those with lung cancer and hospitalized with COVID. Am I a bad guy?
We all know the Top 3 Worst Judges to be added to the Supreme Court during the Trump Reich. How do we know them? They were appointed by Trump, confirmed by a Republican majority Senate, and are sitting on the Supreme Court today.
Gross. Typing that and seeing him makes me throw up a little in my mouth. The other two are as bad if not worse.
But now, President Uncle Joe gets to replace Justice Breyer. While there are many good candidates from which to choose, keep a watchful and wary eye open in case he goofs and decides to nominate any of these Top 5 Worst Judges to Replace Justice Breyer.
As an elected local government official, it irks me that every year around Halloween, unauthorized graveyards spring up in people’s yards like this one close to my church.
Then we have to enforce the local laws to get people to take them down. At least I assume that’s how it works. Because I’m a local government official who has been elected, that means I don’t do any of the actual work.
As a public service, allow me to remind you that if you have any dead bodies piling up, it’s best to dump the cadavers in the woods or in a body of water like the rest of us do. Please don’t bury them in the yard of a private residence. That could prove to be a grave mistake. Underground utility lines can often be encountered and damaged unless the grave is very shallow. Can you dig what I’m saying? Or, as an even better option, turn the bodies in to local law enforcement. I know around here, we have a “no questions asked” policy.
I apologize to Cleveland for satirically picking on them, but I am a Chicago White Sox fan.
In this satirical post, I have decided NOT to promote my book of short stories. I don’t want anyone to be confused and think the info about my book is satirical. It’s not. I really did write a book of humorous and contemplative books about the afterlife.
I am sad to say that one of my self-acclaimed and sometimes mildly amusing Mite Be Funny cartoons is NOT the all-time most-viewed post on this blog. It is this monstrosity …
It registers well over 3000 views, and that number continues to grow daily. If you search on Google for “maga hat mark of the best,” my post is at the top of page 2. I hesitate to post a link, but if someone is really interested in the original satirical post on Biblical/political (Biblitical?) numerology, click HERE.
In July, I added this post to disavow the original post as UTTER NONSENSE. It didn’t work. I could just kill the original post, but the views alternately entertain and terrify me. And then this comment from a reader arrived …
BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump announces plans for a second rally in Tulsa to commemorate the life of former presidential candidate Herman Cain who caught COVID-19 coronavirus at the first Trump Tulsa rally and passed away.
The blockbuster novella I published earlier this year called My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President is for sale this weekend for under $1. Use this link to buy a digital copy you can read on a PC, Mac, iPhone, Android phone, or Kindle tablet for just $0.99 … https://tinyurl.com/BuyTwinBook. All proceeds will be donated to local Democratic candidates.
The NY Times Book Review noted, “This is one of the most powerful books of 2020.” They weren’t talking about the book I published, but my book does have reviews. How about this one?
“A witty story that combines humor, satire, and astute observations of our current political reality. Connects the absurd with contemporary issues, providing the reader with an unexpected, humorous, and thought-provoking perspective of modern times. Well written and engaging from cover to cover. Highly recommended!” Who needs the NY Times Book Review when you have a review like that on Amazon?
Now if you don’t intend to purchase, I need to introduce you to the illustrator.