New poll shows 63% of Americans would find Lindsey Graham more credible and trustworthy if he went by his legal first name of Rocco rather than his middle name, Lindsey. What’s Rocco hiding?
War with Iran has weighed heavy on my mind this past week. I think I have figured out how this Iran mess transpired. Here’s my recreation of possible actual, imaginary conversations.
Advisor: Happy New Year, President Trump. Impeachment chatter will start again soon.
Trump: We need a distraction. What’s the craziest thing I can do in response to pro-Iranian militants storming our embassy in Iraq?
Advisor: Well, the military’s most extreme option, which they only submitted to make the other options look more attractive, is to assasinate Iran’s #2 in command.
Trump: Hmmm, taking out the Iranian Pence. Sounds good. Let’s do that.
Advisor: But, Mr. President …
Trump: My gut tells me that’s right and that I need a Big Mac. It’s go time on both.
Advisor: Missiles launched by Iran have landed at 2 of our air bases in Iraq.
Trump: Hmmm, Iranians must like their Pence more than America likes ours. More importantly, how do the polls look?
Advisor: Republicans and Democrats polled are united in their opposition to war with Iran.
Trump: Hmmm, let’s take a look at that sanctions thingy.
Work is surprisingly busy this time of the year when I thought business would be winding down a bit. That is actually good since my income is directly linked to my sales, and I just got a peek at my wife’s credit card bill with all the Christmas gift charges on it. I’m swooning just thinking about it. My charge card is also filled with holiday gift charges, but mostly from the Dollar Store so the total hasn’t hit triple digits yet. The bottom line is that I don’t seem to have much time to generate clever posts. I know, you’re asking yourself, “What’s his excuse for the rest of the year?”
Anyway, it seems like a good time to dust off an old Elf on the Shelf post from 4 years ago that continues to get a lot of views around Christmas. Our youngest child is now past the Elf on the Shelf stage, so that frees up some of my time at night that previously had me occupied finding clever hiding spots for Holly, my daughter’s Elf. I still regret perching Holly on the toilet that one time.
I wish my son had paid more attention before peeing in the middle of the night. No big deal. A couple flushes and Holly was rinsed nicely.
Anyway, here’s the original Elf on the Shelf post from 2015 (with some punctuation corrections) …
The popular elves from The Elf on the Shelf fame have had it with working conditions and are organizing a union. Continue reading
BREAKING NEWS: To commemorate 9/11, Donald Trump will play 9 holes today with only 11 clubs in his bag. He will honor the victims by NOT using a pitching wedge.
BREAKING NEWS – Trump appoints Jeffrey Epstein as Acting Secretary of Labor after Alex Acosta’s resignation.