My Clean Freezer Challenge Diet

I’m sure you all fondly remember such harmeless social media challenges as planking, eating Tide pods, dumping buckets of ice over your head, and bleach enemas. Oh, wait. That last one wasn’t a social media challenge but Trump’s suggestion to kill COVID. Disregard that one.

But I have stumbled upon what I think will be the next viral challenge. I’m determined to clean out our freezer, and what better way to do that than to eat my way through all the frozen food? I’m certainly not going to throw out perfectly good, ice-encrusted expired food. While that may be prudent, it is also wasteful.

I found 3 bags of these in the freezer.

Wow, no antibiotics, EVER! That’s great. So, I guess they didn’t slaughter chickens that were under doctor’s care trying to recover from sinus infections. Good to know. I normally don’t eat poultry or red meat, but to save a buck, I find I can set aside my morals with uncomfortable ease when there’s food about to be wasted.

There were 2 patties in each of the 3 bags in the freezer, enough for 1 meal per bag. I dove right in. I used my mountain climbing pickaxe to free the patties from their icy shrouds. After 3 days, the bags were empty and patties devoured. I was soon to be a bit empty myself. Take a look at the expiration dates on each bag.

That’s right. The “newest” one was 4 years past the “Best By” date. Although they weren’t delicious and yummy any longer, they were edible, but not without consequences.

I navigated the expired food waters flawlessly the first 2 days. Then I sprung a leak that third day that had me listing heavily to my port side, whatever that means. I can’t necessarily point the finger at the 4+ year-old chicken patties. I also ate a few expired pizza rolls that day. Can you blame me?

But the best unintended consequence of my actions was weight loss. Yeah, I dropped a couple pounds. There are some who will try to take the air out of my mainsail and say that what I am experiencing is temporary weight loss from food poisoning. Perhaps, but with a seemingly endless supply of expired frozen food in our freezer, I could be down to my college weight again by summer. Who will join me on social media in the Clean Freezer Challenge and poison themselves in order to lose weight?

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