Well, Mock My Berries

Doesn’t that title sound like a catchphrase from a bad TV show? It’s not, but we do have these mock berries growing all over our property. I have eaten them regularly for years without knowing for sure exactly what they are.

Mock Strawberry

I’ve always called them wild strawberries. But it turns out, they are not strawberries. They are called a mock strawberry and are the fruit of an invasive weed. As soon as my wife heard they were a weed, she threatened to remove them from the yard. But not so fast! They are healthy.

They are full of vitamins, minerals, and phytosterols. Is that last one good? I looked it up, did some research, and still don’t know. What if I suffer from lack of phytosterols in my diet and my wife gets rid of the mock strawberries? I guess I could get regular strawberries and mock them myself.

The bottom line for a fruit is taste. Sweet, juicy watermelon. Crisp, tart apples. Mmmm. One website accurately, in my opinion, describes the mock strawberry’s taste as “dry and insipid and are tasteless.” I find it interesting that both the mock strawberry and this blog can be described in exactly the same way.

 

 

Smoothie? No, the Smoothest.

Here is my recipe for this smoothie.

Smoothie Ingredients

  • Banana (overripe is better for a sweeter result)
  • Red Grapes
  • Green Grapes
  • Strawberries
  • Black Raspberries
  • Mulberries
  • Cherries (pitted, of course)
  • Watermelon
  • Add a splash of milk (cow, almond, etc.) for blendability.

Any quantity of any of those ingredients is fine. Any fruit-to-fruit substitution for any ingredient is allowed. Basically, anything goes as long as you are not substituting beef jerky for one of the ingredients. And, NO ADDED SUGAR ALLOWED!

The result? This …

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A Berry Good Time

It is that time of the year again — when I forgo buying food in stores and forage for food in the woods and occasionally late at night in dumpsters behind grocery stores. This morning I wasn’t in the woods but in an industrial business park that has some excellent mulberry trees on the perimeter of the parking lot. I’ve been scouting berry harvesting locations all spring. I came away with this haul of mulberries today …

mulberries

Q: How are mulberries and my jokes similar?

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I was at an industry trade show yesterday and got in well more than the recommended 10,000 steps in one day.

Steps

In addition, I really didn’t eat much yesterday. I was busy. And yet, when I stepped on the scale this morning, I had gained weight. I’m not sure I want to live in a world where I gain weight after walking over 5 miles. I want to live in a world where I can eat a spaghetti sundae after walking 5 miles and lose weight.

Spaghetti Sundae

Almost forgot, with chocolate syrup on top.

Spaghetti Sundae with chocolate

 

My Impossible Diet

I have been stuck at my normal winter weight now for weeks since losing my 5 lbs of excess winter weight. I still want to drop an additional 5 lbs of normal winter weight to get down to the weight where I would feel I am 10 lbs overweight which is 10 lbs over what I feel would be a good weight for me, although still a bit heavy. Make sense? If it does, read on, take your meds, and consult a mental health professional.

I recently stumbled on what may be the key to more weight loss.

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Live & Let Diet

I was really moving in a positive direction with losing my excess winter weight. Now I could focus on losing my normal winter weight. That is, until my wife declared that she was ordering this …

Pizza Malnoti.jpg

Except, she wasn’t just ordering 3 deep dish slices of deliciosity. She ordered a full deep dish pie and also ordered a thin crust. Oh, and a huge salad. We do have a large family. All that food was problem enough for my dieting, but there was a larger problem. No, not my waistline. That was a low blow of you to think that. The problem was …

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The Weight is Over

Well, now that it has been oppressively hot for a couple weeks, my excess winter weight of about 5 pounds has melted away. Now all that’s left to lose is my normal winter weight gain of another 5 pounds. Assuming I can lose that, I will then be at a weight where I consider myself 10 pounds overweight. Is that so bad? Who among us is not 10 pounds overweight?

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Liars! All of you! But wait, maybe that 10 extra pounds is actually muscle and not fat.

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Okay, okay. 5 down and 5 to go before I am still 10 pounds overweight. A guy’s got to have goals.

The Weight Wait

Love the song …

Hate the actual weight …

Simpson fat

But there it is, around my midsection after every winter. I even set a new record high for winter weight this year. Yay? I rely on a warm Spring to melt those pounds away, but we didn’t have one this year. It was cold and wet. And so I waited as I jiggled through April and May.

But then, last weekend happened.

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My Top Ten Times to Weigh Myself

I somehow exited winter and a chilly spring at the same weight I was at before the holidays last year. But now I have another ten pounds I would like to lose, and they will be tough. I’ll be fighting for every fraction of a pound to lose this summer while I still stuff my pie-hole daily. Maybe I should go metric. 10 pounds is just 4.5 kilograms! That sure sounds like a lot less to lose.

Anyway, here are my Top Ten secrets as to when to take to the scale and weigh in.

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Cold Man Walking

I have lost weight this past year, about 10 pounds. Who knew that a combination of exercise and a sensible diet would result in weight loss? I still have 10 pounds to go, but they will have to wait until Spring as I prepare to face the upcoming gauntlet of holiday tables of gluttony with less exercise.

holiday buffet table

We are all fatter just from looking at that picture. I should just increase my exercise, but it looks like it may decrease. Here’s why.

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I Will Miss Eating Weeds

This post is an excellent example of why details like grammar and spelling are so important. If the title had been “I Will Miss Eating Weed,” then you wouldn’t give it a second thought, and you may think that actually explains a lot of my rambling, nonsensical posts, along with the mite cartoons. But the word I used is the plural weeds, not the singular weed. Yes, I started eating weeds this summer.

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I Overestimated My Squash Ability

No, not playing squash. Eating it. I thought I was being so healthy, buying a spaghetti squash that I planned to prepare for lunch. And so I did. A little olive oil, some garlic salt, some pepper, and it baked into a tasty treat. The problem is, the squash I ate looked like this …

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