Motivation Recalibration

I had slipped into a summer exercise routine that felt as comfortable as my fat pants with the stretch waistband after about 20 wearings without a washing. I would get up early and take a long solo walk or bike ride. Most days I would stop at one of the many wild berry patches I had scouted and pick fresh mulberries, raspberries, or blackberries for my consumption that day. After work, I would walk the dog and swim some laps in our little pool. Then the weather started to change. We had a stretch of rain and cold. No cycling for a week. I took down the pool before it turned into an above ground ice skating rink. So much for my swimming workouts. I immediately started to gain back the weight I had lost. My quest for a 20 lb. weight loss seemed unattainable.

But then, one man inspired and motivated me to try and make that weight loss happen. Who, you ask? I’m pretty sure I heard someone ask. Come on, raise your hand if it was you asking. Nobody, huh? Regardless, that man is …

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Signs of the Time

Every 2 years, signs sprout up in our yard. The crop is good this year.

I couldn’t help but notice that I have unintentionally arranged the signs like a middle school dance – girls on one side and boys on the other. It’s certainly not a special shrine to Joe Biden like the one that I saw when I biked through our old neighborhood.

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Overcoming Adversity vs Giant Shit Show

At the Democratic National Convention last week, Joe Biden pulled out the stuttering handicap he overcame for all to see. Apparently, he helps and mentors stutterers he meets in his travels. A young stuttering teen named Brayden spoke on Biden’s behalf at the convention. Here’s the first meeting between Biden & Brayden.

No, I’m not crying. I think I have something in my eye that must have punctured my eyeball and is causing it to ooze.

That’s all well and good, but what about Trump’s handicap? No, not the textbook narcissism. He overcame bone spurs. BONE SPURS! They sound very boney and spurry. But he overcame them so well, that he can now do this …

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Slow Down

I needed a break this morning. I have been cycling hard every morning to get in shape so I can deliver to my precinct via bike the Democratic voting guides once they get printed. Democratic leadership wanted to wait to print the guides until after Biden picked a VP. They really could have printed them months earlier. The ticket could have been Biden & ‘A Bit of Moss on the Side of a Tree in the Depths of a Forest’ and Democrats would still have voted for him. I do like the addition of Senator Kamala Harris as VP. Speaking of addition, I think Biden + Harris = 93. See what I did there?

Back to cycling, I felt I needed a day off. I decided to take a shorter, slower cycle to check on a blackberry patch that should have been just about spent. It was, although by slowing down I was able to spot a few stragglers that I picked for the freezer. It’s been a good berry-picking season.

I cycled a bit further and came upon a field of these beauties …

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Spam Much?

I signed-up for Trump’s NH rally that was ultimately canceled. I didn’t plan to go, but I wanted to see what they would do with my email. Spam bomb time and all very grifty. This is a perfect example …

emailtrump11

Hmmm, for $20 I get a FREE yard sign. I don’t think they understand how FREE works.

But what if you have more money to spend on FREE merchandise and want to be more welcoming to other Trump supporters? Then this next offer is for you, but act quickly.

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A Powellful Endorsement

Just recently, retired General Colin Powell endorsed Joe Biden for President. Yes, the same Colin Powell who served as NSA under Reagan. Yes, the same Colin Powell who served as Commander of the Joint Chiefs of Staff under Bush 1 and Clinton. Yes, the same Colin Powell who served as Secretary of State under Bush 2. Still don’t believe me? See for yourself …

jaw drop

Definitely a shocker and also a great opportunity for some excellent Biden campaign slogans tied to Powell’s endorsement. It all hinges on the fact that Powell pronounces his first name like one says the word colon. That leads me to these slogans for the Biden camp to consider.

#1) Listen to your head, heart, and Colin – Vote Biden 2020. Huh? What do you think? No? Oh, don’t worry. I have more.

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Why Do Republicans Support Trump? Mystery Solved!

Why Republicans support Trump has confounded me over the past 4 years. Seemingly intelligent family and friends blindly follow Trump regardless of what idiocy he spouts or does. It is truly bewildering. But I’ve finally solved the mystery, thanks to Facebook.

I noticed this Facebook challenge that one of my Facebook friends did.

Triangle D

That Facebook friend is a staunch Democrat, hence the blue D. Okay, I’ll admit it. 24 is not the correct answer. There are 18 triangles. How can I be sure? I used to be a math major in college, I’m an annoying smarty-pants, and in my spare time, I enjoy looking at brightly colored geometric shapes for hours on end. 18 is the correct answer.

Now take a look at how a loyal Republican answered.

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Post Super Tuesday Voices

The voices I hear normally tell me to practice good personal hygiene and try to stay semi-sober. However, in the wake of Super Tuesday, they have been overshadowed by new voices as I contemplate my upcoming Illinois primary vote.

My wallet had been telling me to vote for Mike Bloomberg, but how can I trust my wallet? No matter how much money I put in it, I always find it empty. Moot point now as Bloomberg is out. Hey Mike, you can always look back and know that American Samoa was all in for you. I think him being in the race was good. He showed the rest of the Democrats exactly how to attack Trump. His anti-Trump ads were clever and effective. I hope they continue.

My heart has been telling me to vote for Elizabeth Warren. However, my heart is also responsible for me ending up with … Continue reading

Winnowing the Candidates – Super Tuesday Edition

When I last winnowed, I had no idea that we would be talking about a new candidate when I winnowed again. I also had no idea that I wouldn’t winnow again until Super Tuesday, but the candidates were doing sufficient self-winnowing. I really like that word … winnow. Anyway, welcome to the race, Mike Bloomberg, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass when you leave … quickly … like right now. Consider yourself winnowed. We don’t need 2 non-Democrats in the Democratic primary.

I’m not surprised Elizabeth Warren is still in the race. I love her as a politician and would be proud to vote for her for President. However, I appear to be in the minority. I have heard her described as shrill. The Return of Shrillary? I think the USA still has a ways to go before accepting and electing a female as President, and that makes me sad.

Over the course of this campaign, I have personally supported the candidacies of Beto O’Rourke, Eric Swalwell, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, Mayor Pete, Liz Warren, and Joe Biden. Boy, can I ever pick the quitters. You may notice one big name candidate missing from that group. That candidate is who I voted for in the 2016 Democratic primary. That candidate is …

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The Single Biggest Threat to Democracy

There are those that think that having a cruel, vindictive, racist, sexual predatory, dementia addled, Adderall snorting, Fox News watching, fast food & Diet Coke guzzling, fake tan and hair wearing, popular vote losing, foreign government conspiring, forever impeached moron in the White House is the single biggest threat to our democracy. Maybe. I think a case could legitimately be made.

However, consider this …

Ballot 2020

Yes, I am running again for a position nobody wants. The fact that a dope like me can get on a ballot should also get some consideration as a threat to our democracy.  I highly suggest some guardrails be added in the future to prevent this abomination from ever happening again.

A Twitter Mystery

As the election cycle heats up, Russian Twitter bots are starting to swarm. If I get a new follower with a Twitter name including a long string of numbers, bad grammar in their tweets, and pro-Trump tweets, I’m pretty sure that it’s a Russian bot. They get an automatic block. I follow an outstanding political cartoonist, @repeat1968, who imagined what those pro-Trump Russian bots look like …

yolo4

Terrifying. I always keep my eyes to the skies now.

When I got the following notifcation from Twitter, I immediately thought “eat” because I was hungry at the time. And then I thought “bot” because of the Twitter name. But that’s when the mystery started. Take a look …

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Five – The Challenges & Challengers

Well, we’ve reached the halfway point. I’m halfway finished writing a crappy novella. The good news there is that you’ll be halfway done reading excerpts from a crappy novella once you are done reading this post. Let’s get started, the sooner the better.


After the big announcement of Ray running for President, I was wondering, “Now what?” It seemed like a whole lot of work was ahead of us, and the bursitis in my knee was flaring up something awful with some wet weather we was having. I’m no quitter, but with football back on TV, watching the Iowa Hawkeyes go undefeated in September seemed like a lot more fun than knocking on doors or stuffing envelopes. And how about that 18-17 comeback win over the Iowa State Cyclones? I hate winning the game with a field goal, and they shoulda whipped those Cyclone asses more, but a road win sure as hell beats losing. And it was a honey of a whale of a ding-dong dilly of a game.

I know what you’re thinking — I should be an Iowa State fan since Okawana is closer to Iowa State than U of I. But I’ve always been a Big Ten fan, even though there’s 14 teams now in the conference. Ain’t that crazier than a Trump tariff? And why the hell is Rutgers part of the Big Ten? If you ask me, they should be part of one of them fancy conferences back east. I’d rather have Iowa State in the Big Ten so I can see them Cyclones get their asses whuppped every week by Big Ten teams. But Iowa State is in the Big 12, and they only got 10 teams. They can’t afford to lose any more. I say the Big Ten should give the Big 12 Rutgers and Maryland so the Big 12 can be the Big 12 again. Only having 10 teams in the Big 12 must be downright embarrassing.  Hey, here’s a joke. Why is it called the Big 12 and not the Big Twelve? Because them Big 12 students are so dumb they can’t spell twelve. I made that one up myself.

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Truckin’

Yesterday, while Democratic candidates were beating each other up in a debate, House Republicans on a retreat in Baltimore were listening to a rambling, repetitive diatribe from guest-slurrer Donald Trump. Yes, the same Baltimore that Trump decried as rat-infested. So, MadDog PAC and Twitter provocateur Claude Taylor (@TrueFactsStated) took their Trump Rat Truck to Baltimore to join the protests. Oh, they also embellished the street sign a bit.

Rat in Baltimore.JPG

I just bought one of those signs from MadDog PAC (you can too at www.maddogpac.com) and am looking for a landing spot on the Flanigan compound to proudly display it. The Baltimore Sun covered the event and the counter-protests. I read their article online mainly to see what they said about the Trump Rat Truck. However, in the course of reading the article, an ad came up. That’s normal, but this time the ad was just so apropos. The article was talking about House Republicans losing the majority in 2018, and this was the ad that followed …

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Four – The Announcement

I wanted to release excerpts from Chapter 4 on Labor Day, but I didn’t. Uh, that doesn’t really sound like a good excuse or explanation. Pretty lame. Let’s just agree that the important thing is that excerpts from the Chapter 4 rough draft follow below.

Now for those that haven’t read along with MPTWTBP up to this point, good for you. Don’t waste your time. Go for a walk. Climb a mountain. Pick wildflowers. Take hallucinogens. Enjoy life. For those of you who are resistant to most of those ideas, but open to the hallucinogens, here are the links to the first 3 chapters. Note: Take the hallucinogens first.

This chapter is the longest, so there are many yuks, laughs, giggles, and guffaws that didn’t make it into these excepts. Take it from me … my side is still split from laughing so hard. Very messy and inconvenient though. Anyway, here we go with some Chapter 4 excerpts.

Chapter Four – The Announcements, August, 2019

From the beginning, Ray had planned to declare his candidacy over the 4th of July weekend. He thought that would be darn patriotic and fit in well with the rest of the festivities in Okawana. Even before Iowa legalized fireworks back in 2017, the townfolk’s been gathering in the grove of trees by the diner on the 4th for a little town picnic and games. My favorite game was to see whose pet looked most like their owner. Wanda Bixley’s bulldog, Brutus, won most years I can recall. Oh, there was one year when that nerdy writer fella who bought the Pike’s old farmhouse as a quiet place to write his big, fancy novel came to the picnic. Someone nominated the fella’s goldfish since that writer had a sorta fish face with thick glasses that made his eyes look bulgy. Who knows if the guy even had a goldfish, but you can be sure that goldfish won and the writer never came back. Brutus was back to winning the next year even though Wanda was wearing her hair long at the time.

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Three – The Issues

Another month, another chapter. If you need to catch up, here are links to Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. Despite adjusting my medications, I put more words down on paper to create a Chapter 3, this time about campaign issues. Gee, that sounds dry. It was difficult to write about serious issues in a light-hearted way. I’m not sure I succeeded. Regardless, here are some excerpts from a raw, unedited third chapter about issues facing us today.

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Notes from Debate #1B

This one kept my interest more, especially with four heavy-hitters in the debate. Here is what I saw and heard.

Andrew Yang – No tie and swearing during the debate nets him an immediate disqualification.

John Hickenlooper – Funny last name during the debate nets him an immediate disqualification.

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Notes from Debate #1A

In between moments of sheer boredom (because most of the candidates were all correct most of the time last night), I took copious notes that I will share with you.

Bill de Blasio – Rude, brash New Yorker who helped raise his profile significantly with his bravado. Uh-oh, that sounds familiar.

Tim Ryan – Looks like Bill de Blasio’s son. Nothing else to see or hear here. Move along.

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter One – The Decision

Well, I warned you all. Here are excerpts from Chapter One of the book that I’m writing concurrent with the presidential campaign. Yes, the grammar is wrong. It is written in the first person – a campaign diary supposedly written by the modestly-educated host twin of the parasitic twin candidate. The grammar is meant to be wrong. Click to read the excepts, if you dare.

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What is Wrong with this Blog?

The title of this post could apply to this blog from the very first post, but it is especially applicable now. It used to be that readers could count on a post full of drivel from me almost every single day. You may have noticed (and rejoiced) that my posts have become more sporadic and less Trumpy. As for the latter, I am just sick of that saggy skin sack of lies and monkey feces. Sorry, that’s not fair to monkeys.

monkey mad.gif

Wow, touchy. I said I was sorry. Anyway, I just want Trump impeached and voted out in 2020. I find nothing funny about him any longer.

As for the sporadicity (not a word, but a potential album title) of my posts, that’s another story.

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Winnowing the Candidates – Summer Vacation Edition

So far, we have made progress in winnowing the candidates. Here’s who we have winnowed so far:

  • Bernie Sanders
  • Tulsi Gabbard
  • John Delaney
  • Seth Moulton
  • Tim Ryan
  • Mike Gravel
  • John Hickenlooper
  • Wayne Messam
  • Andrew Yang
  • Eric Swalwell

Needs reasons? Just search this blog for winnowing to find all the posts. That leaves us with this field remaining.

Dem Candidates 22 wo swalwell

Except, I wasn’t quite sure who this guy is … Dem unknown

Reverse Google Image Search suggested Dr. Dorociak, a dentist from Sarasota or the deceased Daniel Judd of Gloucester, MA. I wouldn’t doubt that either of them may be running. I narrowed it down to an already-winnowed Tim Ryan or new-to-the-race NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio. Not quite sure, but it won’t matter by the end of this article. Spoiler alert!

Not pictured is former Alaskan Senator and current old man Mike Gravel, responsible for the coolest meme of the 2020 campaign so far.

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Winnowing the Candidates – Three Must Flee

This is really getting ridiculous. I can’t cut Democratic presidential candidates fast enough before more take their place. Here’s a recent poll from Emerson, and I have lined-out in red the candidates I have already eliminated.

Democratic Poll 5-19

Now we have Montana Governor Steve Bullock and NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio entering the race. I hate to do it, but it’s time to cut three. Here we go.

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Winnowing the Candidates – Pelosi’s Revenge

To catch-up the Trump supporters and similar slow/non-readers of this blog, here are the candidates we have eliminated from the Democratic primary race to date.

I mean, really, someone has to tell these people to go home and stop wasting money. I felt bad about the Delaney winnowing since he was the first in the race and seems like a good guy, until I saw this …

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Winnowing the Candidates – Twofer Edition

This is not becoming a favorite recurring blog post of mine. I liked it when I was eliminating candidates such as John Hickenlooper, Bernie Sanders, and Comrade Tulsi Gabbard from the Democratic presidential race. But now I have to start cutting some good people, like this guy.

John Delaney Three guesses who he is. Go …

Nope, nope, and nope. That presidential candidate is …

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Persist to Resist

Well, Attorney General Barr did his job as a Trump lackey appointee and threw cold water on any Special Counsel Robert Mueller findings over the weekend. I think the passage of time will reveal some more positive takeaways, but for now, what do we do? This?

Belushi drinking

Okay, so I did a little of that myself on Sunday. The Mueller investigation was not the end game. It has spun off so many other investigations that will continue on. I also have a feeling that when House Democrats get their hands on the full Mueller report, maybe Trump will start to once again look a bit more collusiony and obstructiony when all the details are revealed.

So put down the bottle and ask yourself …

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Winnowing the Candidates – Part 1 Revised – Pete’s Back, Back Pete

Thankfully, South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg has taken his sweet time to officially announce he’s out of the Democratic race for President after I cut him last week. I’m certain he’s not ignoring me, and has just been getting his campaign in order before withdrawing gracefully from the race. Hold on, Mayor Pete. You’re back in.

My decision is partially because there was a winnowing of potential candidates that organically took place over the last week. Just take a look at this list that announced they are not running:

  • Michael Bloomberg. He will have to find solace with just being a billionaire and the 9th richest person in the world. Poor guy.
  • Hillary Clinton. She will have to be satisfied knowing that she could win the popular vote against Trump … again.
  • Senator Jeff Merkly. I like him even more after he pranked us with this video announcing he will not run.
  • Senator Sherrod Brown. He took Ben Carson’s advice at the 1:00 minute mark in this video, and he’ll be reprising Peter Falk’s role as Columbo in a new Broadway play. brown columbo 1
  • Former Attorney General Eric Holder. He is the main reason Mayor Pete is back in the race. I’ll explain.

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Winnowing the Candidates – Part 1

There are already too many Democratic candidates for the 2020 Presidential race. So each month, I will reduce the field by one candidate through an announcement in this blog. If more keep joining the race, we may have to eliminate a candidate every two weeks. After my blog post, the candidate named in the post will be notified and expected to withdraw from the race. Maybe by the 2020 convention, we’ll have the field whittled down to a single, strong candidate to defeat Donald Trump in 2020.

The first candidate I am eliminating from the race is …

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A Weight Has Been Lifted

My life has been decidedly different the past two months. Sure, the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s holidays have played a role in changing my life as I have been selling my blood plasma weekly in order to pay for holiday entertaining and presents. Do you know how hard it is to type when you’re woozy from being a pint low? But that’s not the real change. I’m talking about shedding a weight that has rested heavy on my shoulders the past two years. I know, I know, I should also shed some weight around my mid-section. But that weight on my shoulders was formidable, and now it is almost completely gone, lifting itself from my shoulders pound by pound daily over the past two months. And it has definitely changed this blog. Thank God something has. I’ll explain.

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Football Frenzy

My fantasy football season was a disaster this year. My excuse is that I was so distracted by the mid-term elections and the need to elect a Democratic Congress, that my early season effort and concentration suffered. Thanks Obama, for not running for a third term. But I have enjoyed the resurgence of the Chicago Bears as they won the NFC North this season.

chicago bears

I get all choked up about it as I type this as will Bears fans that read this.

Sportswriters Todd Pork Chop

Or maybe it was just a pork chop. I don’t know. I do know I never expected the Bears to be this good. To amuse myself during the football season in case the Bears have a bad team, I play other football games like Pick ‘Em games where you just try and pick the winners of each game each week. I normally do okay in those games, and I usually just hope to win a weekly prize. My dreams got a little bigger this last week of the football regular season. Take a look at these standings.

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A Father’s Fantasy Love

My team’s fortunes in my Trump-lover-filled family’s fantasy football league have taken a turn for the better since changing my team name and logo to the Blue Wavers.

blue wave

My team continues to win and finds itself sitting 1 game out of the last playoff spot with 2 games left to play in the regular season. Call it superstition or stupidity (they may actually be used interchangeably), but I am keeping my team name as Blue Wavers for another week as long as the wins keep piling up. However, the team is now Blue Wavers 38 as even more House seats have fallen to Democrats amounting to a net gain of 38 House seats. How are these election results still coming in? Do they have preschoolers hand-counting the ballots?

But my fatherly love was tested thanks to my fantasy football team this week.

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Math is not a Fantasy

I thought that my family fantasy football team name last week, Blue Waves, would be my last team name and cool looking logo for the season.

blue wave

My season was over. I have a terrible team. I spent way too much time working on the mid-term election and not enough time on a small, inconsequential, low dollar family fantasy football league. Thanks Obama. I had had some fun poking my Trump-loving family members in the league. They poked back in jest with Trumpy team names of their own. They didn’t understand that there actually was a Blue Wave. One of my nephews named his team the Blue Puddles. Does he not understand basic math concepts of whole numbers and greater than & less than? And then this happened …

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Cat Voting is not a Feliney

I see that my oldest daughter’s cat has voted …

Cat voted

I don’t know about you, but ever since the 34th Amendment to the Constitution was ratified allowing cats to vote, I’ve had a problem with it.

I think it is a categorically cataclysmic catastrophe that really gives me paws to reflect. Sorry about the catatonic-inducing, catty catchphrases and caterwauling. It was not even that cathartic, although definitely catachrestic.

 

Steve Bannon’s Halloween Nightmare

It wasn’t too long ago that former Trump adviser Steve Bannon had thoughts of using his lofty position in the Trump Administration as a possible jumping off spot for a future run at the presidency. He did have the ear of the most powerful and moronic man in the world, Donald Trump.

US-POLITICS-TRUMP-STAFF

 

And then, just like that, Bannon was gone from the Trump Administration. And last night, on All Hallows’ Eve Eve, Steve Bannon found himself facing his worst Halloween nightmare here …

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Meet Jeff Fortenberry *stifled chuckle*

Jeff Fortenberry is a member of the House of Representatives from the state of Nebraska. And he’s got a funny name. You know how you want to say his last name. Go ahead, say it. I know you just said it. It is funny, isn’t it? But you know what’s not funny? Violence and vandalism. See Jeff’s tweet below.

fartenberry tweet crop

Except, when it looks like this …

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Bust the Trust

Last night at a rally in Houston, Lyin’ Ted Cruz bowed and paid fealty to Donald Trump.

Cruz bows to Trump

At the moment he bowed before his new dark overlord, Lyin’ Ted became Winning Ted in Trump’s view. At that moment, in the eyes of Trump, Cruz’s father was exonerated for being part of the plot to kill JFK. At that moment, Trump decided to no longer call Heidi Cruz ugly in public, although he reserved the right to still think she is.

The Trumps were in Houston to “help” Cruz in his Senate race against Democrat Beto O’Rourke, who could be the most exciting Senate candidate to ultimately lose. Let’s hope Democrats find something for him to do for a couple years until the next election.

Meanwhile, Cruz is running a campaign with this motto …

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Democracy is Healthy

This whole democracy thing is really getting me healthy. The precinct I serve as Democratic Precinct Committee Person is large geographically. There are some large homes on large lots. I already blogged that some of the driveways of the larger homes are longer than the street I live on. I can’t efficiently walk from home to home, even if I drive into the neighborhood. My trusty old bike is the best way to quickly travel from door to door in some neighborhoods in my precinct.

Bike

As I traveled to the far reaches of my precinct on my bike shortly after dawn one day, I encountered this …

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This Road Trip Feels Different

I am heading back on the road today, this time for business. As I pack, this trip feels different. I will no longer be travelling through the “land of the free and home of the brave” according to the Star-Spangled Banner. We now keep migrant children in cages, and Trump supporters fear them. Woody Guthrie wrote “This land is your land, this land is my land,” but that no longer applies. Thanks to the Trump Muslim ban being upheld by the Supreme Court, this land is not a land for Muslims any longer.

Will I do anything different this trip?

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Whoopee Cushion – Free to a Good Home

Last night I attended the Kane County Democratic Convention. Yes, it was as staid as it sounds. I was ready for a rollicking good time at a convention with cigars, whoopee cushion, hand joy buzzer and hip flask. I was excited about using all of them, but I really wanted someone to shake my hand.

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Sergeant Flanigan?

After the upcoming primary election in a week, area Democrats will get together the following month for a unifying convention. Yay! Party time!

ComicCon-GavinBond

It could be as contentious as shown in the pic after an increasingly nasty primary campaign, but I do not expect it to look that fun or weird. I am excited that there may be a new opportunity for me to rise up the ladder in the Democratic Party.

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The Proof is in Your Sticker

I voted early in the Illinois primary. See, I have proof. I have a sticker.

Vote Early

I voted with my middle daughter, which I thought was kinda’ cool. I did tell her it was a crime if she didn’t take a sticker. She bought it!

It also felt weird, but good, to be voting with one of my kids. How did she get to be 21 and why do I still have a much younger daughter not even in double-digits yet in age? What felt even weirder was knowing that she voted for me.

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Sign of the Times

I can’t wait for the ground to thaw enough to get my new sign in the ground in front of my house.

Sign.jpg

I wish I had purchased more … a LOT more, but not because I have that big of a front yard. And Christmas is after the November election, so I didn’t want to buy them as Christmas gifts, and I also don’t have that many friends which should come as no surprise to readers of this blog.

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What’s in a Name?

The new Michael Wolff book “Fire and Fury” is certainly making news these past couple days. The cable news hosts at CNN and MSNBC have enjoyed mini-vacations as all they are doing is reading book excerpts and asking their guests to comment. CNN’s Wolf Blitzer seems to love the book, but I pondered the possibilities if perhaps he loves the author, too.

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Jonesing for Votes

As a committed Democrat, I am thrilled that Democratic Senate candidate Doug Jones has a chance to win the Alabama Senate seat in the December special election as he goes up against accused sexual predator Roy Moore. However, as a marketing and sales professional, I am less than thrilled at the lackluster logo his campaign is using …

doug jones

Of course, I have weighed-in and offered my marketing and sales acumen to the Jones campaign along with this new logo …

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C and D List Musicians on High Alert

It appears that Team Trump can’t entice any musicians to perform at Trump’s inauguration concert. Now I am sure that strong Trump supporters Kid Rock and Ted Nugent could be talked into performing, but even Team Trump may be wary about rolling out those maniacs that are a few notes short of a treble clef.

Scott Baio is a strong Trump supporter and did cut a self-titled album …

baio-lp

 

Hey, how about a smile Scott? Your guy won, kinda’. Maybe he’s sad about getting the same cold shoulder treatment as Giuliani, Gingrich & Christie, oh my. Best he has been offered is a junior administrative position at the Rwandan Embassy. Please take it Scott.

Baio’s follow-up album may generate a little more interest from the Trump camp …

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Stop Saying Mike Pence Went Through Gay Conversion Therapy!

With all the lies spewed during this last Presidential campaign, we don’t need to spread another. The latest fabrication making the rounds is that Mike Pence successfully went through gay conversion therapy to save his marriage. It certainly appears obvious that Pence was hoping for much more than just an air peck on the cheek from Trump in this shot.

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Trump TV Debuts … sort of

Maybe we have been given a glimpse into the future as the withering Trump Presidential campaign has launched a nightly Facebook Live 30 minute show. This may be a ghastly peek into what Trump TV will look like after the Orangetan gets clobbered in the November general election. The problem for the Trump team is not just the content, which so far is horrifying, although not any different than the normal Trump campaign speech or debate, but that there are hundreds of new Facebook Live shows launched daily that are similar in content.

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Pence Out … Familiar Name In

In a blockbuster move designed to salvage his flagging political career, we hear that Mike Pence has withdrawn from the Republican Presidential ticket. After ruining Indiana with his cretinous, archaic policies, Pence took his political hate show on the road nationally as Donald Trump’s running mate/sidekick/accomplice/apprentice troll. It was never a good fit as Trump’s bloated ego could not handle that the general public seems to prefer the hate-filled Pence to the Orange Goblin Trump.

Sources tell us that Trump has already chosen a Pence replacement, and it is a familiar political name … Bush.

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Trump’s Committment to Advantage

Donald Trump’s leaked 1995 tax return shows that Donald Trump lost almost one billion dollars in that boom year back when everyone was making money. Heck, the lemonade stand my 6 year old daughter ran back in 1995 was doing so well that she opened 8 franchises that year and went public. You had to be a bumbling, stumbling fool to lose money back in the 90’s.

More importantly, the leaked tax document shows that Trump has legally taken advantage of the federal tax code to avoid paying income taxes for many years.

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Trump FIRST

Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump rolled out his FIRST plan today. FIRST stands for Fix It Right Says Trump, and is meant to be a team-focused attempt to address America’s problems with teams being led by experts on those issues.

Donald Trump himself heads the America FIRST team, and has started making appointments to head his various FIRST teams that will tackle and fix America’s problems.

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Trumpnado

I saw this list of guest celebrity cameos in “Sharknado, The Fourth Awakens.”

  • Gary Busey
  • Tommy Davidson (“In Living Color”)
  • T’Keyah Crystal Keymah (“In Living Color”)
  • Imani Hakim (“Everybody Hates Chris”)
  • Masiela Lusha (“George Lopez”)
  • Cynthia Bailey (“Real Housewives of Atlanta”)
  • Erika Girardi (“Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”)
  • Robert Herjavec (“Shark Tank”)
  • Lori Greiner “(Shark Tank”)
  • Kym Johnson (“Dancing With the Stars”)
  • Carrie Keagan (TV host)
  • Gena Lee Nolin (“Baywatch”)
  • Alexandra Paul (“Baywatch”)
  • Benjy Bronk (“The Howard Stern Show”)
  • Duane Chapman (“Dog the Bounty Hunter”)
  • Stacey Dash (“Clueless”)
  • David Faustino (“Married With Children”)
  • Frank Mir (MMA fighter)
  • Roy Nelson (MMA fighter)
  • Seth Rollins (WWE star)
  • Vince Neil (Motley Crue)
  • Wayne Newton
  • Todd Chrisley (Chrisley Knows Best”)
  • Savannah Chrisley (Chrisley Knows Best”)
  • Grayson Chrisley (Chrisley Knows Best”)
  • Dr. Drew Pinsky (“Loveline” host)
  • Patti Stanger (“Millionaire Matchmaker”)
  • Corey Taylor (Slipknot)
  • Andre “Black Nerd” Meadows (YouTube star)
  • DeStorm Power (YouTube star)
  • iJustine (YouTube star)
  • Paul Shaffer (“The Late Show”)
  • Carrot Top (comedian)
  • Chippendales dancers
  • Dolvett Quince (“The Biggest Loser”)
  • Gilbert Gottfried (comedian)
  • Hayley Hasselhoff (“Fearless”)
  • Taylor-Ann Hasselhoff (“Rich Kids Of Beverly Hills)
  • Stassi Schroeder (“Vanderpump Rules”)
  • Jax Taylor (“Vanderpump Rules”)
  • Steve Guttenberg (“Police Academy”)
  • Al Roker (“Today Show”)
  • Natalie Morales (“Today Show”)
  • Jedward (music group)
  • Jay DeMarcus (Rascal Flatts)

Before I knew the list was from the latest Sharknado movie, I thought it may have been a list of the speakers from the Republican National Convention.

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Admiring the Admiral

Retired Admiral John Hutson said about Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump at the Democratic National Convention, “Donald, you’re not fit to polish John McCain’s boots.” Of course, this was a complete red herring as we all know that John McCain prefers loafers (see Sarah Palin as former running mate).

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