Twitter is Exhausting

Don’t follow me on Twitter, please, not like any sane person would have any interest in doing that. I use Twitter to keep up on the latest Trump Resistance conspiracy theories and rage against Trump’s nonsensical tweets. I did get a kick out of engaging in some Twitter communication with my all-time favorite DJ just last weekend when he tweeted out that he was featuring music from 1982 on his Saturday morning show.

tweet-wxrt.png

I think that’s what Twitter was supposed to be. Instead, we get idiotic Trump tweets like these …

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What is Wrong with this Blog?

The title of this post could apply to this blog from the very first post, but it is especially applicable now. It used to be that readers could count on a post full of drivel from me almost every single day. You may have noticed (and rejoiced) that my posts have become more sporadic and less Trumpy. As for the latter, I am just sick of that saggy skin sack of lies and monkey feces. Sorry, that’s not fair to monkeys.

monkey mad.gif

Wow, touchy. I said I was sorry. Anyway, I just want Trump impeached and voted out in 2020. I find nothing funny about him any longer.

As for the sporadicity (not a word, but a potential album title) of my posts, that’s another story.

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Comfort Tweet

Is it crazy that I get worried that Trump hasn’t tweeted in over 18 hours? You know he’s up. You know he’s been watching Fox & Friends. Why no tweets? It makes me worried when he doesn’t tweet, like he is dealing with an actual national security issue. With his dissolving brain, that is cause for concern.

Okay, this is turning into live-blogging. As I type this post, Trump tweeted this …

Ah, that’s better. There is something comforting to me about Trump getting back to tweeting and wasting his time rather than potentially governing. This country is really messed up.

A Weight Has Been Lifted

My life has been decidedly different the past two months. Sure, the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s holidays have played a role in changing my life as I have been selling my blood plasma weekly in order to pay for holiday entertaining and presents. Do you know how hard it is to type when you’re woozy from being a pint low? But that’s not the real change. I’m talking about shedding a weight that has rested heavy on my shoulders the past two years. I know, I know, I should also shed some weight around my mid-section. But that weight on my shoulders was formidable, and now it is almost completely gone, lifting itself from my shoulders pound by pound daily over the past two months. And it has definitely changed this blog. Thank God something has. I’ll explain.

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Trump Twitter Test

My wife does not use Twitter. My wife does not like Donald Trump. She seemed to me to be the perfect person to try my first Trump Twitter Test.

I refuse to follow Donald Trump on Twitter or anywhere else, but I do check in on him from time to time. I do follow a Donald Trump parody account that amuses me to no end.

So the test I prepared was to present my wife a parody Trump tweet and a real Trump tweet to see if she could identify parody vs. real. Would you like to play, too?

I have prepared the 2 tweets so they present very similarly. Ready? Here’s #1.

Trump Tweet Private Ryan

Here’s #2.

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I’m Being Followed

I’m not yet very experienced in Twitter. I’m in the process of emerging from my Facebook chrysalis, and my Twitter wings are still wet. So when I saw that it looks like I’m being followed on Twitter by one of the most ruthless mobsters from the most famous crime family in the USA, I was not pleased. I didn’t panic. I didn’t delete all my tweets. I did clean out my 401K, but that was simply to pay a delinquent gas bill. Sorry, but just not a dedicated saver here and the weather is downright cold.

This is the Twitter notification I saw that sent chills through my body, or maybe it was that our gas heat had been shut off for going on 3 days now.  Continue reading

God Bless Twitter

I am so thankful for Twitter. Now I know how I want my Christmas lights to look this year …

Christmas Lights

Doesn’t that arouse inside of you a desire to come and see the climax of my Christmas decorating? But that’s not all the holiday decorating that Twitter has inspired.

Every year I do a Nativity on Ice, but it is always so difficult putting skates on the dog. Who else is going to play the role of the ass in the stable? Don’t answer that. Regardless, instead of a Nativity on Ice this season, thanks to Twitter, I am inspired to do … Continue reading

Twitter > Facebook? Um, Maybe Not.

I have purged my Facebook successfully of all ridiculous, right wing, conspiracy theory posts. I just don’t see them anymore. I now see all sorts of cute kitty and animal videos.

kitty cute

Now there’s a clickbait gif if I ever saw it. I still get new Facebook friend requests daily from people I don’t know, but it is easy enough to delete those.

I thought Twitter would be better than Facebook. Then I see a tweet like this …

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Poop Tweet > Blog Post

A recent blog post from here got some traction on Twitter and garnered hundreds of views for this blog. Maybe it was the picture I used.

Donald Trump :: GOP Clown Candidate

Regardless, hundreds of views and ZERO “Likes” on Twitter. Zero as in nothing. Zero as in less than one, and one is the loneliest number. Zero as in zed for our Canadian readers. Take off, eh!

The post took more time than my usual word diarrhea that I hurl at this screen almost daily like feces from my monkey cage that I call my office. I actually gave it a little thought. And yet, it remains wildly unlikable on Twitter and here.

But then I tweeted this innocuous, throwaway, insignificant response to a tweet from someone I follow …

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Trump Takes

Donald Trump cares. He knows we don’t have as much time as he does to watch television and tweet about what he just saw on Fox and Friends. He is always trying to help us through Twitter. He just helped us again. He knows we may not be able to keep up with all the times he obstructed justice during interviews, press conferences, rallies, statements, and tweets. Just in case we forgot that he has obstructed justice, we are grateful that he dropped this tweet on us …

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Not Viral, but …

Several of my children were visiting a few days ago to celebrate one of their birthdays, although I swear that we celebrate more kid birthdays than the number of kids I have. I asked my eldest daughter who is Twitter-savvy about how many Likes or Retweets are needed for a tweet to be considered to have gone viral. She replied, “Thousands.”

The reason I asked is because of this tweet of mine …

My Tweet Likes

It caught me by surprise that 146 people would like this tweet because it is a fairly inconsequential tweeted response to Rep Eric Swalwell of California and the dude who runs MadDog PAC that sells great anti-Trump swag to fund anti-Trump billboards across the country. It is so inconsequential that I have elected not to even show the whole tweet. If you really want to see it, follow me on Twitter @jim_flanigan. I recommend against it.

But then, what really surprised me was this …

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And Under the Trump Bus Goes Don Jr.

I saw this tweet in real time this morning. I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading.

Trump Tweet Meeting

I had no reply to tweet because I was not prepared for Trump Sr. throwing his son under the bus the way he did. Trump Sr. appears to use the “I didn’t do it, but my son did” defense.

I can only speculate on the conversation this tweet generated.

Jr: Oh father, I feel quite uncomfortable with my head resting under the bus tire.

Sr: Don’t worry. They’ll provide you a pillow in prison.

Circle Back to Racism

I just love the circular logic in this Trump tweet …

Trump Tweet food stamps

So if we take away people’s food stamps and make participation in the program more difficult, less people use food stamps. Brilliant! I cannot dispute that logical argument that is nothing more than chasing your logical tail. However, I think it is a bit of a reach to say that A (taking away people’s food stamps) resulted in B (more employment). Maybe the last line should read … The American people are finally hungry!

I would prefer to see a similar tweet like this …

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Get Some Counseling

I’m going to cut Donald Trump some slack on this tweet from early this morning …
Trump Tweet council Original Blue

Although I circled 5 errors, I am willing to give the guy a break. He was up early, working hard, tweeting away. Mistakes happen. They just seem to happen everyday, multiple times per day to Trump. Just FYI, although Trump has referred to himself in the third person before, in this tweet he was trying to quote scumbag lawyer Alan Dershowitz. Sorry, alleged scumbag lawyer Alan Dershowitz. To his credit, Trump corrected the tweet. Here is the “corrected” version …

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New Trump, Same Bad Memory

I want to extend my congratulations to Donald Trump on the birth of his new grandson, whose arrival was of course tweeted out …

Trump Tweet Grandson

In related news, Trump’s lead lawyer in the Russia investigation, Ty Cobb, said that the newest Trump has no knowledge of anything Russian and would be unavailable to Robert Mueller for testimony regarding the Russia investigation for at least a year. Expected godfather “Uncle” Felix Sater was unavailable for comment.

Trump’s Black & White World

Kudos to Ken Frazier, CEO of pharmaceutical manufacturer Merck, for resigning from Trump’s American manufacturing council. Frazier had been the sole black CEO on that council. Gee, what a surprise. Frazier’s resignation on behalf of Merck appears to stem directly from Trump’s lack of leadership following the Charlottesville white supremacist debacle this weekend, per this statement tweeted out …

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We Got a Leaker!

This morning, the blithering and blathering idiots hosting Fox & Friends asked UN Ambassador Nikki Haley to comment on their Fox story reporting that spy satellites detected that North Korea is moving more missiles in place for testing. That sounds like pretty sensitive stuff. To her credit, Nikki Haley responded this way …

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Made In America Week Ends баснословно

WARNING: This is an experimental, interactive post. Read with caution.

This was a great Made In America Week, celebrating the USA’s production capability.  We are grateful for Donald Trump’s contribution to USA production, although that may sound counter-intuitive since just about everything with a Trump name on it such as all of Ivanka’s fashion line and Trump’s golf paraphernalia is made outside the USA, except for those crappy MAGA caps.

And then we have this tweet …

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Obscene Tweet

pecker trump

Now that the National Enquirer is back in the news briefly, I spotted this pic on Twitter of Donald Trump and David Pecker, CEO of the National Enquirer and other sordid rags. Frankly, I was shocked. I was not aware that Twitter would allow a pic of two peckers rubbing together.

Yes, I realize this was a cheap, middle school level joke. It fits at least one of those pictured. As for the other one, all I know is his last name is Pecker.

Deciphering the Undecipherable

This was tweeted today …
Trump Tweet Amazon

Not since the covfefe tweet has a tweet made less sense. I will do my best to decipher the undecipherable.

What’s true is that Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post and is CEO of Amazon.

What’s false is just about everything else in that tweet including:

  • There is no such thing as an internet tax.

  • Amazon should not pay an internet tax that does not exist.

  • Amazon pays sales tax in the 45 states where it is required.

  • The Washington Post is the antithesis of fake news.

6:06AM is too early to tweet and make sense. Have a cup of covfefe before tweeting next time.

Hidden Messages

I have expounded my theory before on this blog that Donald Trump is NOT the blithering idiot that he appears to be, despite behavior to the contrary, over and over and over. It is my stated theory that he is sending us hidden messages, not to be confused with the hidden massages that he is keeping secret from Melania.  Take this series of tweets from this morning for example …

Trump Tweet secret message 1

It is so obvious to me that he is couching his message secretly, so that it takes some thought to see what he is really saying. This is not to be confused with sofaing the message when your phone drops down between the cushions while tweeting. No, he’s really got a message for us, but we have to separate the wheat words from the chaff words. Allow me to demonstrate …

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Welcome Back

I was sooooooooooooooo disappointed with the James Comey testimony yesterday at the Senate Committee hearing. Where was the Donald Trump live tweeting that was floated as a possibility? It was almost 48 hours between tweets for Trump and none live when Comey was testifying. And now, this is the first tweet we get as we welcome Trump back to the twitterverse …

Trump Tweet Vindication

Based on that twisted tweet, it appears that Trump may have asked Senator John McCain to explain to him about what actually went on at the Comey Senate Committee hearing. I’m just surprised that he didn’t mention Crooked Hillary and call to Lock Her Up.

 

Grammar Rules!

I totally understand how people can get confused by some words. Principal and principle always made me pause until my friend, a HS principal, told me to remember that a principal can be your pal. That’s a great mnemonic device.

I can also understand the confusion between council and counsel. But this real tweet? Really?

Trump Tweet Councel

Dude, there is no such word as councel. That’s not even one of the available spellings. Now you are not even making bad word choices (among other bad choices), but you are just making words up. Just remember, “I” after “C” and “E” after “S.” That spells ICES, and we all know ICE is near and dear to your heart. Another great mnemonic device. On second thought, maybe that’s not such a good idea. ICES sounds too much like ISIS. Before long we will probably get this imagined tweet …

Trump tweet ICES

Better idea! Take his phone. For the sake of grammar, please, somebody take his phone.

Rubber Trump

Unlike some of my “enhanced” Trump tweets, this one is the real deal …

Trump Tweet DNC Russia

This is an excellent example of perfect deployment of the “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you” defense. I would not be surprised if we see a follow-up tweet using the “I know you are, but what am I?” argument.

Aristotle would be so proud.

Armada, Not Your Mada

Both Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster proclaimed that it was a prudent decision to sent the USS Carl Vinson aircraft carrier to the Korean peninsula about a week ago.

Of course, the Cheeto-in-Chief couldn’t keep quiet and wanted the world to know that he was very well aware of what was heading to the Korean peninsula …

“We are sending an armada. Very powerful. We have submarines. Very powerful, far more powerful than the aircraft carrier, that I can tell you,” Trump said in an interview with Fox Business Network.

Except he didn’t send an armada. Now we find that the USS Carl Vinson has been nowhere close to the Korean peninsula. I think it is just a matter of time before we see this Trump tweet …

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Trump’s Easter Tweet Surprise for Jesus

The entirety of the Christian faith is based upon the Easter holiday, not Christmas as some think. Easter just plays second fiddle to Christmas because the gifts are not as big, although the chocolate is yummy. Regardless of what you may personally believe, there is no dispute that Easter is truly the holiest of holy holidays for Christians. And on that Christian holy day of Easter in 2017, we get this nonsensical rant (that I initially thought were “joke” Trump tweets like those that I sometimes create) tweeted out …

Trump Tweet Easter Rant

And this is the irreverent idiot that Christian evangelicals helped elect?

Jesus-Cries

“Oy vey” – Jesus, upon seeing his Twitter feed yesterday.

Trump’s Secret Tweet Message of Truth

Donald Trump is telling the truth. I know that is hard to believe, but I am convinced that he is truthfully speaking to us, the American public, through his tweets. We just have to find the true meaning in his tweeted messages.

Take this one for example …

Trump Tweet Media

I see the message. I see the truth. I feel liberated. Oops, that’s just due to a lack of pants as I type this. But I do see the message as I separate the wheat from the chaff. Take a closer look …

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Ainsley Outed!

I swear I was NOT watching Fox & Friends this morning purposely. I didn’t even realize it was on one of the televisions in the workout room in the hotel where I was staying. I was already into my treadmill run when I noticed it was on. When I run, I am barely able to continuously put one foot in front of the other. There was absolutely no way that I would be able to pause the treadmill, get off the treadmill, change the channel, get back on the treadmill, start the treadmill, and continue running. That was just not going to happen. Somewhere between pausing the treadmill and getting back on, I would end up sitting on the weight bench eating a candy bar, despite not even having a candy bar in my possession. So I plodded on while the blithering idiots on Fox & Friends blathered on.

They were discussing ancestry and exploring one’s heritage through DNA analysis. When thinking of the Fox & Friends hosts’ ancestry, this image flashed through my mind …

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Senate Dems Raise Trump Cabinet IQ

Trump Tweet Cabinet empty

Donald Trump should be thanking rather than verbally spanking Senate Democrats. Several of Trump’s confirmed Cabinet members actually have lower IQ’s than the empty Cabinet seats they filled. By delaying confirmation of the remaining Trump Cabinet nominees, Senate Democrats may be helping keep the average IQ of Trump’s Cabinet higher than if all seats were filled. Betsy DeVos, the only Cabinet member with an IQ in negative double digits, was available for comment, but unable to utter an intelligible sentence.

Celebrate International Women’s Day!

International Women's Day

Now how the heck am I going to enjoy International Women’s Day without women around?

I did encourage my wife to wear red today. She didn’t, mainly because she was already dressed for work.

I did encourage my wife to take a day off. She didn’t, mainly because the school that our youngest child attends would close if all the women working there took a day off, and she believes in getting our daughter all the education she can get before the DeVos Effect takes hold.

I encouraged her to spend money today, hoping that the pattern of the first two would continue to the third.

But it’s not just me celebrating International Women’s Day. It should come as no surprise that Donald Trump tweeted his support …

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