Tag: funny

A Close Shave

~ Jim Flanigan

I now consider myself an older gentleman, although the gentleman part is debatable if not an out & out misnomer. But now that I am so close that I can taste death (or has the milk on my cereal just gone bad?), I find I am comparing myself to similarly aged men in an attempt to determine which one of us will die first. I have a list of questions I ask myself, and most of the time answer unless I’m not speaking to myself which is more often than I would like, that include questions like these …

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Hair Dos and Don’ts

~ Jim Flanigan

My wife disappointed me recently. I really don’t like the role reversal. I remember it like it was just this past weekend, which it was.

wayne's world dream sequence.gif

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What Happened to Truth in Advertising?

~ Jim Flanigan

I’m not sure who came up with this terrible product idea, but this idea is so bad that they felt the need to label their product with advertising that is definitely false …

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No Shower Summer!

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

3 days now without a shower. I am shooting for a zero shower summer. There is no need for me to shower this summer, because we have this …

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My Top Ten Times to Weigh Myself

~ Jim Flanigan

I somehow exited winter and a chilly spring at the same weight I was at before the holidays last year. But now I have another ten pounds I would like to lose, and they will be tough. I’ll be fighting for every fraction of a pound to lose this summer while I still stuff my pie-hole daily. Maybe I should go metric. 10 pounds is just 4.5 kilograms! That sure sounds like a lot less to lose.

Anyway, here are my Top Ten secrets as to when to take to the scale and weigh in.

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Summit Will Not Take Place June 12th

~ Jim Flanigan

The Jim Flanigan Looks at the World investigative team of reporters, grifters and Joel Osteen followers is pleased to break the news (and some wind) that the Kim – Trump summit will not happen on June 12th. Details follow.

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We Interrupt This Blog …

~ Jim Flanigan

I hate to bring you the bad news, but the regularly scheduled blog post featuring information about my toenails has been bumped again to tomorrow. I can understand and support your decision to never read this blog again if you are that upset by these scheduling changes or are simply sick of this blog. There are days that I never want to post again. The reason for this schedule change is special. It is an opportunity to pull back the curtain and get to know me a little too well in a way that we will both feel very uncomfortable. I’m featured on a YouTube video …

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Breaking News Fore You

~ Jim Flanigan

Yeah, yeah, I know the title is misspelled. Par for the course, right. Hmm, I wonder what this post might be ultimately about.

Today’s normally scheduled post which does contain a reference to my toenails has been bumped to tomorrow in lieu of a Special Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Investigation. We were simply not satisfied that the Donald Trump – Kim Jong Un summit in June was canceled because North Korea called Mike Pence a dummy. They certainly did call him that, but no harm since everyone knows he is a dummy. That is no reason to cancel a summit that will legitimize a brutal dictator. We looked further and this is what we uncovered …

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Toad you so!

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

One of my tasks over the Memorial Day weekend was to clean out our pond. No, I was not cleaning out leaves or muck, but this …

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Brew Review #4 – Sam Adams Summer Beers

~ Jim Flanigan

I realized that it is all well and good to review regional Midwest beers in these Brew Reviews because they are delightfully enchanting and humorous to read. But what happens if a reader of this blog outside of the Midwestern USA has their interest in a reviewed regional beer piqued enough by my compelling writing to want to try the beer? That beer may be difficult to find, and the reader may find him or herself disappointed in both the blog post and not being able to find the beer in their locality. Sam Adams is a large brewing entity with beers available nationally, so I decided to try a Sam Adams summer beer which should be more available to our US readers.

As amazing as it sounds, we (which means I was miraculously included) were invited over to a neighbor’s house for a bonfire. A perfect excuse to buy and bring beer! As you may have seem from previous Brew Reviews, I have grown fond of gose beers. I was putting together a mix & match 6 pack when I saw Sam Adams offered this gose beer …

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Does Twitter About Tatters = Twatters?

~ Jim Flanigan

This is a perfect example of the reason I gave up trying to do funny, phony Trump tweets …

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Mite Be Funny #69 – Special Memorial Day Multi-Panel Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

Mite Be Funny #69a Memorial Day

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War on Memorial Day

~ Jim Flanigan

I found myself wishing business associates this past week that they have a “great holiday weekend.” Uh-oh. I didn’t say “Happy Memorial Day.” I hope I have not started a War on Memorial Day like there is on Christmas according to Donald Trump and Fox News. But Happy Memorial Day? That always seemed weird to me since Memorial Day is supposed to be a solemn day of remembrance for those who died while serving in the US Armed Forces. Instead, we get the grill fired up to char some meat, swill beer and yuk it up with friends and family. How solemn is that? Are people who do that unpatriotic? Yes, I think so. Anyone who engages in any non-solemn activity on Memorial Day is as unpatriotic as the NFL players who will be fined for taking a knee during the National Anthem at football games this upcoming season. Backyard grillers – I’m watching you. Beer drinkers – you are on notice. Joke tellers – knock it off. OK, I guess that covers 99% of the USA on Memorial Day. It might not hurt all of us to follow the lead of NFL players and take a knee on Memorial Day to remember those that have fallen in service to this country.

I’m happy to provide just a little background at no cost to you about taking a knee. Ex-NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick met with Nate Boyer, a retired Green Beret who suggested that in the military, taking a knee is a sign of respect for the fallen. That’s why Kaepernick took a knee rather than sit. Fake News you say? Here’s Nate Boyer on CNN talking about it …

Looks to me like it may be unpatriotic to not take a knee.

 

 

If Only We Knew …

~ Jim Flanigan

Hindsight always seems to be 20/20. No, not this kind of hindsight …

Hindsight

I’m talking about looking back and rethinking decisions. For example, take Hawaii, please …

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The Keys to a Good Piano Recital

~ Jim Flanigan

I almost forgot (or was I trying to forget?) that I sat through 39 piano songs this past weekend for my daughter’s piano recital. That’s a lot of songs. My daughter performed her song in the middle of the recital, and she did great. By that time, I was hungry. Maybe it was the Pickelsimer child that played before my daughter, or maybe it was that Pizzicato (is that a very small pizza?) that my daughter played, but my stomach really started growling.

Piano Recital2

Fortunately, refreshments were served after the recital, although I was disappointed with how the recital ended. Take a look at the last song …

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I’ve Been Stood Up

~ Jim Flanigan

Once Trumpatized 2018 v2.0 was released, I was pretty sure I was just a few million downloads away from easy street, fame and fortune. How was I going to get a few million downloads? I figured I’d start with one million and work my way up from there. I wasn’t so sure about how to do that, except I was certain that all of you reading this would not be a huge help. Geez, it’s like pulling teeth to just get a “Like” on some of these posts, probably because reading some of my posts is like getting a tooth pulled. I had to find a way to get that song to go viral, although I was willing to settle for bacterial.

I decided on promotion. I have heard that there is no such thing as bad publicity, so I considered a really random act of stupidity that would get national attention, but the office of President is already filled. What? It’s working for him.

I tried more traditional methods and shopped the song around to some progressive media outlets. The response was incredible. No wait, I typed that wrong. The response was inaudible, except for these guys …

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