Tag: blogging

My Weight Loss Waterloo

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I took a couple weeks after November ended to determine if I had lost a weight loss battle or the entire war. The month of November was certainly my weight loss Waterloo, and I don’t mean the city of Waterloo in Iowa, home of the Sistene Chapel reproduced in spray paint on the walls and ceiling of a warehouse turned into a restaurant that is now closed. Thanks, Covid.

No, I’m talking about Napoleon’s Waterloo where he lost his final battle while also gaining 5 pounds thanks to a cheesecake binge. I lost a major weight loss battle in November. Fat cells are now occupying my liver, and they are threatening to invade my pancreas unless their demands for sugared sodas and cake are met. However, I may not have lost the war. Signs in December are positive about returning to or close to my goal weight I met over the summer.

I can break November into 2 distinct halves. The first half of November was characterized by 4 things:

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Is Warm Weather Bad for Making Frozen Pizza?

~ Jim Flanigan

There is some unseasonably warm winter weather predicted in the Chicago area for the next few days. The temperatures will be well above freezing, almost spring-like. That’s why I insisted we make and eat a frozen pizza I purchased before the warm weather hit. My wife wondered what the rush was. Well, all she needed to do was read the instructions. It is as clear as the canker sore on my lip, unless you choose to look away as most people do. If the weather is too warm, we could not bake the pizza. I’m not sure what the weather has to do with cooking pizza, but then again, I’m no haute cuisine chef. There is no doubt that it is clearly displayed on the label with cooking instructions. Take a look.

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Ad Nauseum

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I have been quite satisfied with the addition of ads to this blog. I think it adds a certain cachet to this literary trainwreck. The thought that anyone would want their name, product, or service associated with this blog blows my mind. I always imagined advertisers bidding to NOT be associated with this blog.

I understand that the ads chosen for reader are tailored to their browsing tendencies and preferences. A friend and reader of this blog texted me this ad screenshot that popped up while he was reading.

That concerned me a bit. I know I have some shitty posts from time to time, but do the ads have to be shitty, too? So, I went online to check and see what ads came up for me as a browser of this blog. This was the ad that consistently appeared.

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Lost in Translation

~ Jim Flanigan

I don’t make enough (translation: any) money from writing and blogging (translation: self-publishing word salads) because of my frugal readers & followers (translation: deadbeats), so I actually have a day job running my own business as I have for 14 years (translation: too long) now. I have a close (translation: ethically suspect) relationship with a number of customers and vendors (translation: potential criminal co-conspirators) that often leads me to agree to handle some challenging (translation: stupid) tasks. One such task is to curate and mange (translation: mostly ignore) the YouTube channel of one vendor. I was surprised to get a notification of this comment in regard to a video for a therapeutic massage machine.

I wasn’t sure if Lhtutuutfirh was covfefe level gibberish (translation: most of what Trump says), or if this was a customer asking to place a million dollar order. To the Google Translate machine!

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Mad for Ads

~ Jim Flanigan

Well, I warned you that I was considering adding ads to this trainwreck of a blog, and I finally did it yesterday. I was excited to see what advertisers would be bidding big money to get an ad on my blog. Here was the first I saw.

Oh, sure, how interesting. You know, I was considering getting myself a new CDP, whatever the hell that is. So, I had to click the ad to find out. Here’s what I found.

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Adding Ads?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Sales of my award-winning, side-splitting book of short stories about the afterlife do not appear like they will be sufficient to fund a lifestyle for me of champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Therefore, this notice from WordPress caught my eye.

As I clicked the link to start making money, I guessed that I would be instructed to offer to shut the blog down in exchange for donations. But, no. This popped up next.

I can’t imagine any scenario where the internet’s top ad suppliers bid for ad space on this blog. Bidding to stay off this blog? That I can believe. Anyway, adding ads sounded pretty good and easy to me, but this is the first ad that was suggested.

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Mite Be a Reblog

~ Jim Flanigan

Sorry to get you all excited, but this is NOT a bonus Mite Be Funny cartoon, the universally shunned Sunday morning cartoon. But I was surprised amazed shocked stunned aghast that yesterday’s Mite Be Funny cartoon was actually reblogged by someone. Sure, it was hilarious when compared to other mediocre Sunday funnies like the Nancy comic strip. Take a look …

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Read This Blog – Rachel Being Chatty – or the Hostage Gets It

~ Jim Flanigan

Don’t worry. I really don’t have a hostage … yet, but I am willing to learn how to take one. I was approached by Rachel (not her full real name) from the Rachel Being Chatty blog asking if I would reblog some of her posts in return for cash. No, wait, it wasn’t cash. She would reblog one of mine. It was a deal that I couldn’t refuse. You see, over time, I have become convinced that the Rachel Being Chatty blog is actually run by a famous comedian (Sarah Silverman perhaps?) who is workshopping new stand-up material. It’s full of brilliant stuff like this one …

Again, click this link to the Rachel Being Chatty blog for more of her observations on life. If you read and follow my blog, really reconsider the choices you have made in life, but you will definitely like to read and follow the Rachel Being Chatty blog.

Here are a few more to enjoy, and then click this link to go to the Rachel Being Chatty blog, read, and follow.

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Greek Geek Gawk

~ Jim Flanigan

I am sad to say that one of my self-acclaimed and sometimes mildly amusing Mite Be Funny cartoons is NOT the all-time most-viewed post on this blog. It is this monstrosity …

It registers well over 3000 views, and that number continues to grow daily. If you search on Google for “maga hat mark of the best,” my post is at the top of page 2. I hesitate to post a link, but if someone is really interested in the original satirical post on Biblical/political (Biblitical?) numerology, click HERE.

In July, I added this post to disavow the original post as UTTER NONSENSE. It didn’t work. I could just kill the original post, but the views alternately entertain and terrify me. And then this comment from a reader arrived …

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Strange Things Afoot

~ Jim Flanigan

This post is not about the popular Netflix streaming television show. I guess the featured image is a bit misleading. No, it is about the strange things happening with this blog. Views are up. Likes are up, although the bar was set low. I’m adding followers faster than people resigning from the Trump administration. I now count over 500 followers of the blog here, over 100 more who view this crap on Twitter, and I’m even adding followers on Tumblr, which I had forgotten I even had. What’s strange is that content hasn’t changed. It is still mediocre drivel. I don’t trust how this is going. I’m going to keep an eye on all of you. No funny stuff, okay? Leave that to me. You’ve been warned. And BTW, thanks for reading and following.

Hoping 2021 is Worth the Weight

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Happy New Year to you all as I wrap up my Twelve Days of Blogging. When last I checked my weight in an act of public self-shaming, I had gained 2 pounds back from my summer & fall 17 pound weight loss. I hatched a crazy plan to gain less than 5 pounds per month during the 3 winter months, and I would then start Spring 2021 weighing less than last year. Even nuttier is that’s the plan I’ve decided to follow – weight gain. It’s the only plan I have. Winter weight gain is inevitable for me. The best I can do is minimize it.

I knew December would be hard. By the end of the month, my diet had turned almost exclusively to a focus on the 4 holiday food groups of cookies, chocolate, caramel, and eggnog. My workouts had faded as Christmas activities and a bathroom renovation took precedence over self-care. Unfortunately, the numbers don’t lie …

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Holiday Blogging Exhaustion

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

Here we are on the eleventh day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, and I’m exhausted. I think I even have a case of the blog sweats, although the sweating may be due to recent overeating or snow removal.

We got our first real snow of the season Tuesday with precipitation continuing into the night. It was light and fluffy and beautiful … at first. Who knew the temperature would rise overnight? By the time I got out to shovel at 10PM, it was raining and the snow was as heavy as and the consistency of wet cement. There was no way my snowblower could handle that, so I seriously considered my options as my middle daughter and I tackled the driveway with shovels.

This seemed like an easier option …

I’m not sure I can legally buy a flamethrower in Illinois. If I can’t, it’s good to know that I can make one using a Shop-Vac and gasoline. It’s easy. Take a look …

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Holiday Eats

~ Jim Flanigan

Today is the eighth day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, and Christmas leftovers in the house are running low, unlike my weight because of the Christmas leftovers. It’s a vicious cycle. My wife made some special sandwiches for Christmas Eve, and I was looking forward to this on Christmas Day …

Until I saw the whole dish …

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Do I Have a Drinking Problem?

~ Jim Flanigan

Here we are halfway through my Twelve Days of Blogging. I’ll let you do the math to figure out how many days that is. I hope you received the gifts you wanted or at least gift receipts along with the crappy ones.

I received this thoughtful gift from my oldest daughter. Now I can go around smelling like I’m stinking drunk even when I’m not.

Examine those soaps a bit closer and you will see this …

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Merry Christmas!

~ Jim Flanigan

On the fifth day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, I mainly want to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

But you don’t want to almost be able to see me. I know you want new content, but I have little to give other than that pic. So how about a Christmas Mite Be Funny from 3 years ago?

Questioning Education & Conversation

~ Jim Flanigan

Over the weekend, I drove almost 300 miles on Saturday to help my middle daughter move into college for her 5th year, also known as her super senior year. I have so many questions, but will limit it to these 3:

  1. Will my middle daughter ever really use her second major and second minor she plans to earn in this 5th super senior year?
  2. At my advanced age, why do I have a youngest daughter that is still 6 years away from even starting college?
  3. From a parent’s perspective, there is nothing super about a second senior year. Okay, so that is more of a declarative statement than a question.

The second question is the one that really bothers me. It points to a total lack of planning and judgment on my part. I fear I can never trust myself again, not that I ever could before.

Anyway, after I returned home, I planned to regale my wife with stories of how I got over 38 miles per gallon on the way there, but 6 mpg less on the way home. Imagine the possibilities as to why that happened! Wind direction, speed maintained, route taken, etc. Then I realized just how sad that sounded, so I spared my wife that conversation and decided to blog about it instead. It seems even sadder in writing.

~ Jim Flanigan

I’ve often been accused of being too controversial and too confrontational with my blog posts. I disagree. I think I am very protroversial and profrontational with what I post.

Buy Bargain Book

~ Jim Flanigan

The blockbuster novella I published earlier this year called My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President is for sale this weekend for under $1. Use this link to buy a digital copy you can read on a PC, Mac, iPhone, Android phone, or Kindle tablet for just $0.99 … https://tinyurl.com/BuyTwinBook. All proceeds will be donated to local Democratic candidates.

The NY Times Book Review noted, “This is one of the most powerful books of 2020.” They weren’t talking about the book I published, but my book does have reviews. How about this one?

“A witty story that combines humor, satire, and astute observations of our current political reality. Connects the absurd with contemporary issues, providing the reader with an unexpected, humorous, and thought-provoking perspective of modern times. Well written and engaging from cover to cover. Highly recommended!” Who needs the NY Times Book Review when you have a review like that on Amazon?

Now if you don’t intend to purchase, I need to introduce you to the illustrator.

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Unsocial Media

~ Jim Flanigan

I was so excited when I received the notification that a couple comments were made in response to one of my older blog posts. My blog posts don’t elicit many comments. I don’t blame you readers. I make it a point not to comment on anyone’s blog who is so obviously mentally ill. But finally, I was getting the conversation started. The excitement lasted until I read the comment …

Blog Comment 1

So many questions filled my head:

  1. Did their auto-correct change “ray of sunshine” to “piece of shit?”
  2. Why is my name not capitalized and enclosed by quotation marks? Am I not Jim?
  3. Why did Kim end the comment so politely? Maybe because of #1 above?
  4. Is Kim a disgruntled male with weapons or a hot female who is stalking me? Uh, asking for a friend.

Of course, I’m no stranger to nasty comments as I regularly navigate the waters of Twitter while throwing out anti-Trump chum. At least this comment from Kim Nho didn’t include a wrestling challenge like this Twitter throwdown from Texas Senator Ted Cruz …

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One Small Writing Step Forward

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I signed my first writing contract this past weekend. I’m trying not to make too big of a deal out of it until I ink the movie deal. I’m sure that will be coming shortly after publication.

I’ve been writing this wildly uneven blog for 4+ years now to hone my writing skills. I have tried anything and everything that has crossed my suspect mind. Some things have worked. Others, not so much. I mean, really, cartoons about mites and mulch?

But all the practice must have worked because the short story I submitted for consideration was easy to write, and it was accepted for publication in an anthology of short stories. Take a look …

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