The time is nigh for the Democrats to show that a national nominating convention can be substantive and offer clear plans for the country, and not be a thinly-disguised WWE backstory of the feud between Terrible Trump and Killer Cruz. But I think if the Dems want to try and sway some on-the-fence Trump backers to vote Democratic, here are some suggestions to add a little pizzazz to their convention.
1) More underwear models. The GOPpers made history with 2 speaking at their convention: Melania Trump and Antonio Sabato Jr. Have even more, but also have them deliver their speeches while modeling underwear on a runway.
2) Trump rolled out 4 of his 5 kids (sorry Barron, back to yachting camp with you) to speak at the convention. Hillary only has Chelsea who is scheduled to speak. That’s not enough. How about some of Wild Bill’s alleged illegitimate kids? That could make Hillary look very tolerant and help her become a more sympathetic figure to voters.
3) We now know that Chachi (unemployed Scott Baio) loves Trump, but what about Joannie? Have Erin Moran step up and speak on behalf of Hillary. Maybe she can get enough votes for Hillary to ensure we have Happy Days ahead.
4) Have Bernie Sanders turn “heel.” Hillary needs Bernie supporters to vote for her. Bernie supporters are reluctant to do so. They still love him so much. Take a page from the Republican’s WWE playbook, and have Bernie do a classic heel turn and become a bad, unlikable guy. Have Bernie burn all his supporters and Democrats in general. Maybe a folding chair across the back of Tim Kaine to seal the deal?
5) Have Ted Cruz speak. Nothing seems to unify a party like that. We can all get together behind our hate for Ted Cruz.
Have fun in Philly!