Merry Christmas on the Twelfth & Final Day of Blogging

Despite not feeling top notch, I caffeinated up and went to the family’s Christmas Eve gathering. While there, I was accused of having an STD (I don’t) by my own immediate family, had my hairline (or lack thereof) analyzed and assailed, and was goaded by my 4 year old great nephew into attempting (successfully) a somersault. So, it was a typical Christmas Eve. At least I didn’t get a black eye as in year’s past.

I did take one step closer to making my mini story “Peach Life” into an animated film. Another great nephew who studies filmmaking (but not animation) at Columbia College in Chicago told me my concept was very doable. And my middle daughter seemed to think she could do it using Tik Tok. I guess I’m adapting my “Peach Life” story into a screenplay next.

And I came up with a really funny joke on Christmas Eve that I wanted to share with you today, but I can’t recall any details of it whatsoever. You’ll have to settle for Merry Christmas from the Flanigan house.

A Free Story on the Ninth Day of Blogging

If you recall one year ago, I published a short story sequel to the beloved movie It’s a Wonderful Life called “Every Time a Bell Rings.” Unfortunately, my short story is quite irreverent and will never be as revered as the movie that spawned it. However, I was thrilled to see on Amazon that it had ratings.

It doesn’t bother me that one of the ratings is bad. In fact, I’m not surprised at the 1 star rating. If you believe that irreverence = bad writing, then you won’t like the story. If you also believe bad writing = bad writing, then you may not like the story. Anyway, it follows Clarence the angel as he gets called on the carpet for his actions during the movie. I’m working on another sequel, and I had hoped to have it ready by Christmas. I’ve enlisted some helpers to work on it to get it ready in time.

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Who Ate Chocolate Jesus?

I warned you that if I got busy, I may recycle an old post. This one is a favorite that always seems to get viewing traffic around Christmas whether I repost it or not. Well, it’s been three years since the last time I foisted this upon readers, so it is high time I try it again. I have edited and punched-up the original 2015 post just a bit. Is this truly a beloved Christmas post, or am I just trying to sneak an easy post through on this 8th Day of Blogging? I think we know the answer. Regardless, here it is …

While waiting in line at a local sweet shop, I could not take my eyes off their chocolate nativity for sale while store security did not dare take their eyes off me for obvious reasons.

chocolate nativity 1
Chocolate Nativity for sale

The very first question that sprang to my mind was, “Who gets to eat Baby Jesus?” I’ll address that later, but that was just the tip of the question iceberg for me. My mind was quickly spinning with so many questions as I checked-out that I tried to pay for my purchase with my dry cleaning ticket. Consider these quandaries that dizzied my consciousness …

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A 2022 Christmas Poem

Here we are, halfway through my Twelve Days of Blogging, which would make it Day, uh … hmm, I wasn’t aware there would be math. Maybe the pic below will help.

Right, Day 6. I knew it all the time. Just testing you. Anyway, we are halfway through this holiday trainwreck, and today I have some poetry for you. I have provided winter poems in the past, but never a winter holiday poem like I have for you today. I do have to warn you before you click through that the poem is rated for more mature audiences as it concerns drug use … sort of.

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Holiday Gift Giving

Here we are on my 4th day of blogging.

That means it’s late for most people to start shopping for holiday gifts, but it’s still a bit early for me. I consider myself more of a pressure shopper. However, just this very morning, I gave myself a gift. It wasn’t easy, and it took some effort. I do appreciate the effort I put into my gift to myself.

I use Wordle to wake up and get my brain working in the mornings. This is before any caffeine or other stimulants that are typically found around most American homes like bennies, coke, crank, uppers, blow, speed, snow, etc. have entered my body. Consequently, I sleepwalked through many Wordle gaffes that I should have avoided had I actually thought about my guess rather than randomly mashing the keyboard until I make a word. I’m kind of a 4-try guy in Wordle, but those numerous early-morning Wordle goofs ran up my 5-try tally well beyond my 3-try total. Well, as of this morning, I am pleased to report that my 3-try and 5-try totals now match.

I know it’s not much, but on another grey morning while dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder, it’s a great gift to myself. I’m so thoughtful of a gift-giver to me!

Don’t worry, I have something specifically for you later in this post, but I first have a last-minute holiday gift-giving idea for everyone. Wouldn’t this look sharp on the finger of a loved one?

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A True Christmas Miracle!

Here we are on the third of Twelve Days of Blogging, and I am thrilled to report that I am not yet out of ideas for twelve straight days of blogging.

Sure, not all of my planned blog ideas are monumental. One of the ideas I have is for a picture of “Merry Christmas” spelled out using toenail clippings. However, mine are not enough. All I can make is “Merry Chris,” and the one Chris I know is somewhat surly. I could settle for “Merry Xmas,” but I don’t want to disappoint you, the reader, by not providing the full, traditional Christmas salutation. I suppose I could use some older ones that I have stored in jars in the basement, but I really wanted them to be fresh clippings from this Christmas season. I guess you can just call me a traditionalist. Now I’m playing a waiting game for someone else in the house to trim their toenails to be able to make that post happen. I know you’ll be waiting on pins and needles.

Wow, this post about a true Christmas miracle really went off the rails quickly. Well, let’s get back on track. After already detailing a recent Hannukkah miracle, I am thrilled to report being witness to a true Christmas miracle involving my wife’s pumpkins (not a euphemism).

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Least-loved Christmas Sayings

Since we have started the Twelve Days of Blogging, I am pleased to offer you 12 of the least-loved Christmas sayings. You know what I mean, things that you don’t want to have to say or hear. Here’s a good example.

Especially with Christmas spelled as Chirstmas. The gif creator had one job to do. Sigh! Anyway, if you don’t believe that these sayings aren’t beloved, feel free to try one or two at your next Christmas gathering.

  • Don’t try the holiday punch. I think he stirred it with his “candy cane.”
  • Pass me an elf.
  • If that wasn’t figgy pudding, what was that I just ate?
  • Those aren’t reindeer on your roof. You’ve got rats in your attic.
  • My Yule log is sooo hot.
  • If you need to eventually get rid of the gift I got you because of leakage, just be aware that it is highly corrosive and illegal to dispose of in a landfill.
  • Every time a bell rings, an angel gets laid.
  • Trump is coming to Christmas dinner.
  • Grandma’s cookies smell like her denture adhesive.
  • Let me show you what it really means to have Santa come down your chimney.
  • That’s not eggnog on his pants.
  • The liquor store was out of beer and wine, so I just bought some myrrh.

The Twelve Days of Blogging

I had maybe hoped I could delay starting my Twelve Days of Blogging until after Christmas, and nobody would notice or care, and then I just wouldn’t do it, but I stumbled across something that demands I post it today. So, I guess I start my Twelve Days of Blogging with this post. Besides, if I get too busy to blog, I’ll just recycle old Christmas posts. You readers don’t expect much with this blog, and I’m confident I can meet your low expectations.

I heard on the radio about a fascinating, but short, Christmas play, and I tracked it down on Twitter for your enjoyment. Supposedly, the plot and dialogue were written by AI (artifical intelligence, not former NBA star Allen Iverson) that was fed with terms, phrases, and themes from the Hallmark Channel. The AI spit out a mini story titled “The Christmas on Christmas” and is available for you in its entirety if you click to continue reading.

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Hoping 2021 is Worth the Weight

Happy New Year to you all as I wrap up my Twelve Days of Blogging. When last I checked my weight in an act of public self-shaming, I had gained 2 pounds back from my summer & fall 17 pound weight loss. I hatched a crazy plan to gain less than 5 pounds per month during the 3 winter months, and I would then start Spring 2021 weighing less than last year. Even nuttier is that’s the plan I’ve decided to follow – weight gain. It’s the only plan I have. Winter weight gain is inevitable for me. The best I can do is minimize it.

I knew December would be hard. By the end of the month, my diet had turned almost exclusively to a focus on the 4 holiday food groups of cookies, chocolate, caramel, and eggnog. My workouts had faded as Christmas activities and a bathroom renovation took precedence over self-care. Unfortunately, the numbers don’t lie …

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Holiday Blogging Exhaustion

Here we are on the eleventh day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, and I’m exhausted. I think I even have a case of the blog sweats, although the sweating may be due to recent overeating or snow removal.

We got our first real snow of the season Tuesday with precipitation continuing into the night. It was light and fluffy and beautiful … at first. Who knew the temperature would rise overnight? By the time I got out to shovel at 10PM, it was raining and the snow was as heavy as and the consistency of wet cement. There was no way my snowblower could handle that, so I seriously considered my options as my middle daughter and I tackled the driveway with shovels.

This seemed like an easier option …

I’m not sure I can legally buy a flamethrower in Illinois. If I can’t, it’s good to know that I can make one using a Shop-Vac and gasoline. It’s easy. Take a look …

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Holiday Eats

Today is the eighth day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, and Christmas leftovers in the house are running low, unlike my weight because of the Christmas leftovers. It’s a vicious cycle. My wife made some special sandwiches for Christmas Eve, and I was looking forward to this on Christmas Day …

Until I saw the whole dish …

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Do I Have a Drinking Problem?

Here we are halfway through my Twelve Days of Blogging. I’ll let you do the math to figure out how many days that is. I hope you received the gifts you wanted or at least gift receipts along with the crappy ones.

I received this thoughtful gift from my oldest daughter. Now I can go around smelling like I’m stinking drunk even when I’m not.

Examine those soaps a bit closer and you will see this …

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The Twelve Days of Blogging

There was a time when I was blogging daily, but complaints from blog followers were such that I had to cut back. I’m sure it was because the daily posts were soooo hilarious that readers couldn’t get anything done due to frequent bursts of chortling and chuckling all day when thoughts turned to my daily post with the end result being that they accomplished nothing.

But I’m back, baby. Twelve days of blogging to coincide with the twelve days of Christmas. Wait, what? Christmas is Friday? Uh-oh. Are stores open during COVID? Maybe I can coincide my blogging with the eight days of Chanukah. Wait, what? That’s over already? I completely missed Chanukah? I always feel like I slight Chanukah, and this year I’ve gone and missed it entirely. The least I can do is recruit a major celebrity like Motown legend Smokey Robinson to deliver a festive Chanukah video message.

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