Baby Jesus Gave Me A Black Eye on Christmas

The Christmas Babe is so innocent looking, and yet my Christmas Day shiner belies the innocence radiating from the Baby Jesus.

I woke up Christmas morning with this …

Black Eye small

Besides the creepiness of being this close to my face (trust me, I reduced and cropped the heck out of this image to minimize the creepiness), you have to admit that’s  a nasty looking shiner. My wife feigned innocence, and I really do believe that I would have woken up if she had slugged me as I dreamed of sugarplums on Christmas Eve night. I have before. But what if I had been drugged first? Hmmm, I always encourage that, so it is a possibility, but I think I know what really happened.

On Christmas Eve, my daughter made a nativity scene ornament out of peel & stick foam figures. I immediately noticed that the Baby Jesus happened to be oval or eye-shaped. Once Baby Jesus was peeled off and affixed to the nativity scene, the surrounding trash foam was the perfect shape to put around my eye and look through. Sure, most people would simply throw it out, but I felt it was there to serve a higher purpose … to amuse my young nieces & nephews on Christmas Eve. It was a hit, but when it was time to remove it before the drive home, it seriously adhered to my eyelid. A quick yank, and it was off, along with some eyelashes. Being a bit more hairless was no impediment to getting home and into bed, only to awake Christmas morning to the ugly, but painless, black eye courtesy of a peel & stick Baby Jesus foam outline. But my other eye was not blackened, and that had been similarly adorned with the sticky foam trash that once outlined the peel & stick Star of Bethlehem. Some may say that the jagged star shape did not conform as well to my oval eye shape as did the Baby Jesus outline foam. That may be, but I have another theory as to why I had just one black eye.

A black eye is the result of broken blood vessels. So my eyelid was bleeding inside. I believe I was chosen and blessed to be the recipient of what I will call an internal eyelid stigmata, courtesy of a Baby Jesus that seems quite real to me, despite being foam and sticky. Dare I call it a Christmas miracle? Dare I call myself a Christmas miracle?

 

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