A 2022 Christmas Poem

Here we are, halfway through my Twelve Days of Blogging, which would make it Day, uh … hmm, I wasn’t aware there would be math. Maybe the pic below will help.

Right, Day 6. I knew it all the time. Just testing you. Anyway, we are halfway through this holiday trainwreck, and today I have some poetry for you. I have provided winter poems in the past, but never a winter holiday poem like I have for you today. I do have to warn you before you click through that the poem is rated for more mature audiences as it concerns drug use … sort of.

It’s another free verse poem, which means I was too lazy to rhyme. I call this poem about Christmas cookies “Christmas Cookies,” or “Who Put The Nut in Nutmeg?”

I baked some Christmas cookies

Full of cinnamon goodness.

That wasn’t the original plan.

They were supposed to be seasoned with nutmeg.

But not just a sprinkle of nutmeg.

I’m talking about LOADED with nutmeg,

Enough to get someone high.

That is a thing you know about, right?

Eat lots of nutmeg and you’ll go tripping.

Don’t believe me?

Just click that link above.

I know links don’t belong in a poem,

But I didn’t think you’d take my word

About the hallucinogenic powers of a common baking spice,

So I supplied a non-Wikipedia linked source for proof.

I eventually decided against using nutmeg.

A little bit tastes great in pumpkin pie,

But too much tastes like crap in cookies.

It can also get you violently ill before you get very high,

And I did want to eat and enjoy the cookies.

I don’t like to waste food,

And puking after eating sounds wasteful,

Not to mention gross,

So I opted to use cinnamon instead.

The cookies don’t get anyone high,

But they do taste great.

And I live in Illinois.

Us Illinoians can get buzzed legally

Any time we want.

And it won’t taste as bad

Or make us hurl

Like overly-nutmegged cookies will

That I wanted to make for Christmas

But didn’t.

I think we can all agree that’s no Dickinson, Whitman, or Longfellow (which coincidentally was my performing name back in the 70s when I was doing some “acting” in some “art films”), but I sure hope you found it entertaining and informative. And a special shout-out to my 70’s acting mentor, Art Films. He taught me everything I know, which isn’t much.


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