What Do I Want For Christmas?

Now that’s a good question to address on this 7th Day of Blogging, but an easier one to answer would be what I don’t want. Allow me to take you back many years to the glory days of the National Lampoon Radio Hour with Bill Murray and Gilda Radner before they were famous.

I definitely do not want Santa’s trapdoor. What I would like for Christmas is if folks who made me laugh like Gilda Radner, John Belushi, John Candy, Chris Farley, and Phil Hartman were still around to do so. Hey, maybe this Motivational Santa could grant my Christmas wish.

Here’s something else I definitely do NOT want for Christmas offered by someone more pathetic than Motivational Santa Matt Foley living in a van down by the river.

I definitely do NOT want one of those Trump NFTs. If you recall, his recent “big announcement” was to hawk non-fungible token trading cards of his silliness. The whole concept of “unique” digital files eludes me. You have a unique digital file? Let me see it. <copy & save> Great, now I have one, too. Besides, I only deal in fungible tokens (good name for a band).

Anyway, my family was pestering me for a Christmas list (what am I, 6 years old?), so I loaded up an Amazon cart with things that I may have purchased anyway, most associated with my open water swimming plans for next summer. I’ll use them, and they’ll be nice. But what do I really want?

Is it trite to want world peace? I don’t want any more Ukrainians or Russians to die. And how about an end to hunger? We waste so much food. Can’t we get our excess food in the hands and mouths of people who are hungry? I think that’s why I may grab something edible from the garbage from time to time. It assuages the guilt I feel for never going hungry. And is it unrealistic to want people to stop shooting each other? Maybe it is in a country where elected legislators are beholden to the NRA. But I can still want that with my whole heart. And I just want people to leave other people the fuck alone. I think Elvis Costello said it best when he popularized the Nick Lowe number “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding.” Can we give those three concepts a try for a change? And here’s a wish I have for people who will get all bent out of shape and pissy when I say Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas … forgive me. Wouldn’t that be more in the spirit of Christmas than berating me and my chosen holiday salutation?

A dear friend who is folically-challenged like me sent me this pic about a new hair growth treatment.

I don’t know what this prp treatment is, but wouldn’t I like to have that for Christmas? To be honest, I’d be thrilled with the “Before” picture.

So, what do I hope to get this Christmas? A chance to visit with family and friends and some time to give thanks for them. But if I’m completely honest, I wouldn’t say no to a chocolate Santa in my stocking.


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