Please Rise and Put Your Hands Over Your Ears for the National Anthem

I have a big day of blogging ahead for me as I reveal the final total of my winter weight gain in a post later today or tonight or tomorrow morning or whenever the hell I find the time to finish it. Stop rushing me! Before I start all my bloggishness, please join me in the National Anthem, as sung by Sailor Sabol at CPAC 2021, the right wing conservative conference, white supremacist meet & greet, and COVID super-spreader event. Feel free to put your hand over your heart, but I suggest you move both hands over your ears about halfway in as this Sailor encounters choppy waters (no relation to Muddy Waters).

Look, I can’t sing, but I am self-aware enough to know that I can’t sing. We’ve all seen those anthem videos when the singer forgets the words. We should have been so fortunate with Sailor. I wondered what key Sailor was singing in. It turns out – all of them.

This is the political party that wraps themselves in the American flag and claims to bleed red, white, and blue. If Republicans are so damn patriotic, get a good singer for the anthem at your events.

By the way, in exchange for the use of that YouTube video in this blog post, I am contractually obligated to mention that Sailor Sabol is available for bookings at weddings, bar and baht mitzvahs, and waterboardings.

Too Much of a Bad Thing

I’ve really tried recently to back away from all things Trump. He lost. He will most likely be prosecuted by someone, somewhere after he leaves the White House. Joe Biden will be the next President of the USA as of January 20th. After four years of Trump’s nonsensical, destructive alternative-reality, I’m sick of hearing from and about him. So, I’ve been staying away from cable news and Twitter. However, my wife tells me that Trump won’t leave and insists he didn’t lose and still plans to be living in the White House after January 20th. I wonder how he’ll like sharing the White House with the Biden’s large German Shepherds.

I hear that dogs love Trump …

And speaking of dogs, what or who do you see in this dog’s ear?

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Why Do Republicans Support Trump? Mystery Solved!

Why Republicans support Trump has confounded me over the past 4 years. Seemingly intelligent family and friends blindly follow Trump regardless of what idiocy he spouts or does. It is truly bewildering. But I’ve finally solved the mystery, thanks to Facebook.

I noticed this Facebook challenge that one of my Facebook friends did.

Triangle D

That Facebook friend is a staunch Democrat, hence the blue D. Okay, I’ll admit it. 24 is not the correct answer. There are 18 triangles. How can I be sure? I used to be a math major in college, I’m an annoying smarty-pants, and in my spare time, I enjoy looking at brightly colored geometric shapes for hours on end. 18 is the correct answer.

Now take a look at how a loyal Republican answered.

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Truckin’

Yesterday, while Democratic candidates were beating each other up in a debate, House Republicans on a retreat in Baltimore were listening to a rambling, repetitive diatribe from guest-slurrer Donald Trump. Yes, the same Baltimore that Trump decried as rat-infested. So, MadDog PAC and Twitter provocateur Claude Taylor (@TrueFactsStated) took their Trump Rat Truck to Baltimore to join the protests. Oh, they also embellished the street sign a bit.

Rat in Baltimore.JPG

I just bought one of those signs from MadDog PAC (you can too at www.maddogpac.com) and am looking for a landing spot on the Flanigan compound to proudly display it. The Baltimore Sun covered the event and the counter-protests. I read their article online mainly to see what they said about the Trump Rat Truck. However, in the course of reading the article, an ad came up. That’s normal, but this time the ad was just so apropos. The article was talking about House Republicans losing the majority in 2018, and this was the ad that followed …

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i thought my phone was broken this morning

Wow, catchy title to this blog post. It is so lame that I couldn’t bring myself to capitalize any words in the title, not even the personal pronoun. I can see why this blog was recently voted Most Likely to Suck at the 2017 Bloggie Awards. If the title of this blog post captured your imagination and curiosity, then you should get out more. But first, read on if you must.

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Jesus Christ vs Warren Zevon

I’m not a overly religious guy. I belong to a church, but really don’t trust any church that would have me as a member. Props to Groucho for that joke. And I am not too picky about what church I attend. You can label me more spiritual than religious. I see God everywhere and nowhere, if that makes any sense. The one place I see God nowhere these days is …

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Unplanned Parenthood

The healthcare bill passed by House Republicans yesterday will defund Planned Parenthood as just one of its many heinous actions. I find it ironic that Republicans want the federal government to pull out of funding Planned Parenthood which is exactly the kind of contraception that millions of Americans would have to go back to without Planned Parenthood.