A Bad Math Joke

I’m exhausted here on the 11th of my 12 Days of Blogging. I can barely lift my fingers to type this post. Instead of a staccato rat-tat-tat on the keyboard, it is a legato click … click …click.

I am out of blogging ideas (never stopped me from blogging before), but I am in my fantasy football playoffs, and I noticed something very unusual that I figured I would share. In the first round of the playoffs, playoff seeds #1, #3, #5, & #7 won their first round games.

Hmm, seeds #1, #3, #5, & #7 advanced. I don’t know about you, but those numbers seem very odd to me.

Fantasy Domination

If you are reading this blog post while wearing a ball gag and handcuffs, I am sorry to tell you that you have been misled by the title. I am talking about fantasy football domination in my family league like this …

Fantasy Domination.jpg

Can I get a booyah for a shutout?


Thank you. I don’t know which one of my Trump-loving relatives runs that Bye team (and what a terrible name for a fantasy football team with no logo whatsoever), but that team sucks. They scored nothing against me last week. Total fantasy domination.

But that was last week, and I only have a couple more weeks left in the season to tweak the Trump-lovers in my family fantasy football league with clever team names and logos like last week’s Collusionistas.

GOP shirt

I wanted to hammer (and sickle) the Russian connection more, so here is my new team logo …

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My Dead Fantasy

The dream is over. When I last blogged about my family league’s Blue Wavers 40 fantasy football team, it had pulled itself out of last place and was stacking wins on the way to the playoffs. Go Blue Wavers 40!

blue wave

Except, the Blue Wavers 40 didn’t make it. Four straight wins to end the season was not enough to snag the last playoff spot, snatched by a nephew (no longer a favorite) on a tie-breaker. And to think I did a reading at his wedding. After ripping the final playoff spot away from me and stomping my heart into a red gelatinous puddle, he better not ask me to do a reading at his divorce.

But I do get to play on. That means it is time for a team name change to the …

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A Father’s Fantasy Love

My team’s fortunes in my Trump-lover-filled family’s fantasy football league have taken a turn for the better since changing my team name and logo to the Blue Wavers.

blue wave

My team continues to win and finds itself sitting 1 game out of the last playoff spot with 2 games left to play in the regular season. Call it superstition or stupidity (they may actually be used interchangeably), but I am keeping my team name as Blue Wavers for another week as long as the wins keep piling up. However, the team is now Blue Wavers 38 as even more House seats have fallen to Democrats amounting to a net gain of 38 House seats. How are these election results still coming in? Do they have preschoolers hand-counting the ballots?

But my fatherly love was tested thanks to my fantasy football team this week.

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Math is not a Fantasy

I thought that my family fantasy football team name last week, Blue Waves, would be my last team name and cool looking logo for the season.

blue wave

My season was over. I have a terrible team. I spent way too much time working on the mid-term election and not enough time on a small, inconsequential, low dollar family fantasy football league. Thanks Obama. I had had some fun poking my Trump-loving family members in the league. They poked back in jest with Trumpy team names of their own. They didn’t understand that there actually was a Blue Wave. One of my nephews named his team the Blue Puddles. Does he not understand basic math concepts of whole numbers and greater than & less than? And then this happened …

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Reality Trumps Fantasy

I really enjoy playing fantasy football. Over the past 28 or so years of participating, I have won more than I’ve lost. I wanted a win badly on Tuesday. I got it, but not from the Stoned Back Tattoos in my family’s fantasy football league.

No, my Roger Stone-inspired team took another loss. The win I am talking about on Tuesday was this …

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Stoned Fantasy

My Tired Winners family fantasy football team got back to its losing ways last weekend. Whew! The pressure of winning was unbearable and exhausting. I was loathe to abandon my Tired Winners logo. It suited me so well, at least the tired part.

Tired of Winning

But it was time to move on and a new target has recently emerged in the Russian investigation concerning Trump world. That target is GOP dirty trickster and former Trump adviser Roger Stone. To me, a logical team name appeared to be the Stoned Pinheads with one of these pics as a logo.

But I did not want to disparage pinheads, so I discarded the pinhead concept and considered this Roger Stone pic for inspiration.

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Fantasy Exhaustion

Last week, my family league’s fantasy football team’s perfect record was finally blemished. I should have expected nothing less than a blemished record from the Manfart’s Mugshots.

Manafort Mugshots

That’s right, my team, under the name Manafart’s Mugshots, finally won. My streak of losses to start the season has been broken. Too bad it was a win against my liberal niece from Colorado and not against one of my Trump-loving relatives.

I have changed the team name almost every week except for the week that I kept the Baby Blimps around for an extra one because of what I received in the mail. Spoiler alert – not a pipe bomb. Now where do we go from here for the team name and logo?

Inspired once again by Donald Trump and the promises he has made, I present to you …

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Tall Tales of Fact & Fantasy

I was really pleased with the name and logo I chose for my winless fantasy football team in my family’s league last week … Supreme Injustices.

Injustice crop

For this week, I wanted to feature Paul Manafort, especially after hearing that he made a court appearance sitting in a wheelchair in prison clothes while missing a shoe. When I think of Manafort in a wheelchair, I start wishing for this …

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Justice is a Fantasy

I had planned on renaming my family league’s 0-5 winless fantasy football team this week  from the Baby Blimps …

Baby blimp

to the Losingest Losers of Loserville. I swear I have played fantasy football before, and even won the league last season. Whatever could be distracting me?

For the Losingest Losers of Loserville, I could have used this team logo …

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Here’s Hoping Fantasy Becomes Reality

Another week, another loss for my family fantasy football team as I am now 0-2 in that league. Last week my team lost as the Hurricane Towels with this logo.

Trump Hurricane Paper Towels

Fortunately, Donald Trump’s visit to the hurricane-ravaged areas in the Carolinas this past week did not include tossing paper towels to the victims. Unfortunately, as he passed out meals, he was caught on video telling one victim to “Have a good time.” Yep, if being flooded and losing everything so that you have to accept meals from a career criminal is your cup of tea, I guess it could be a good time.

Week 3 of fantasy football is upon us, so I turned my attention to SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh for inspiration for a new team name. I had considered The KavaNaughties, but I felt that name was a bit too glib, and it trivialized and diminished the seriousness of his alleged felony sexual assault against Dr. Ford. Once again, as a Public Service Message in case Dr. Ford reads this blog (and why wouldn’t she?), I am pleased to mention that there is no statute of limitations for felony sexual assault in the State of Maryland. Just sayin.’

I am happy with the team name I chose that Brett Kavanaugh did inspire.

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Fantasy Meets Hurricane Reality

Each week I am changing my family league fantasy football team name and logo to tweak my Trump-loving relatives in the league. Last week, this guy’s mug was the logo for my team, the Mueller Marauders.

Mueller grimace

You can read the details HERE.

This week, I was stymied. I had a team name of the Sanders Raised Eyebrows planned, but there is a character limit on team names. “Mine is too long,” I said for the first time ever.

Sarah sanders eyes

However, I am happy with my alternate choice for this week.

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Fantasy Feud

The NFL season has begun. That means my fantasy football season has begun. That means my fantasy feuding with my Trump-loving relatives in my family’s fantasy football league has begun. Say that 3 times fast.

I explained in a prior post about my plan to tweak the Trumpkin relatives in my family’s fantasy football league with Trump-baiting team names. I entered our online draft as the DC United Patriots with this team logo.

patriots logo

That elicited nary a comment. Who can complain about someone with a patriotic team name and logo? So for week 1, I decided to turn up the tweaking a bit. Here’s my week 1 team logo …

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It’s Just a Fantasy

In 1980, a young Billy Joel sang, “But sometimes a fantasy is all you need.”

I needed some sort of fantasy back in the 1980’s after my hometown football team, the Chicago Bears, won only one Super Bowl rather than the two or three we were expecting out of that talented team. I got hooked on the one thing that could make me feel okay about the lack of Super Bowl rings for the Bears.

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