In 1980, a young Billy Joel sang, “But sometimes a fantasy is all you need.”
I needed some sort of fantasy back in the 1980’s after my hometown football team, the Chicago Bears, won only one Super Bowl rather than the two or three we were expecting out of that talented team. I got hooked on the one thing that could make me feel okay about the lack of Super Bowl rings for the Bears.
That was a fantasy football championship of my very own. I think it was in 1988 when I took a 5AM flight to Pittsburgh, and then took a couple hour drive to Rocket City, West Virginia to visit the Hercules missile plant. There I spoke with a couple of slack-jawed, gap-toothed local yokels about using microminiature electronic connectors in missiles. I swear that neither of them said one word. But the trip was a success since it was on that two hour drive that the salesman I was with introduced me to fantasy football. Fireworks went off in my head. A geeky sports game requiring math! It was too good to be true. I have been playing ever since.
Yep, just won the family league championship last season. Haven’t lost my touch. Please don’t ask about my other league. I am somewhat semi-retired now since I play in just two leagues, but keep myself busy with multiple daily games. My team name originally was the Lake Charlotte Bullfrogs with this cool logo.
We moved from Lake Charlotte and my teams became the Hawthorn Bullfrogs with this even cooler logo.
Wow, let’s check the Geek-O-Meter …
Just as I suspected. We’re redlining. But I don’t care. Fantasy football has been very helpful to me over the decades. It helps me to make guy talk with guys that I may have trouble taking to normally. And if I don’t want to talk with someone, all I have to do is start discussing my team. Go ahead and run. I’ll find you and tell you all about my waiver claims.
Anyway, this year as I defend my championship in the family league, I can’t help but tweak the tRumpers in the league. Yes, I have tRumpkins in my family … through marriage though! I know there are at least two, possibly as many as three or four, in our family league. So here’s my plan.
The Hawthorn Bullfrogs have been replaced this season by the DC United Patriots.
Nothing wrong with that, right? If anyone asks about the change, I’ll just tell them I’m feeling very patriotic and want to celebrate that I’m an elected official of the political party that is NOT going to prison. That should get me through the family draft without too much controversy.
Q: Why was Donald Trump unable to participate in his fantasy football league’s draft?
A: Fantasy bone spurs.
Then each week I will change the team name and logo to ridiculous ones associated with the Trump administration. Here are some examples that I may or may not use.
Trump’s Baby Blimps
Roger Stone’s Nixon Back Tattoos
Hey, nice lats. You get the idea. Take little jabs at the tRumpites. My wife thinks I’m petty and an agitator. I prefer to think of myself as a provocateur. Sounds fancier.
Each week I will share with you my new team name and logo. And yes, I will welcome suggestions from readers. But first, let me tell you about my draft strategy …