Post Super Tuesday Voices

The voices I hear normally tell me to practice good personal hygiene and try to stay semi-sober. However, in the wake of Super Tuesday, they have been overshadowed by new voices as I contemplate my upcoming Illinois primary vote.

My wallet had been telling me to vote for Mike Bloomberg, but how can I trust my wallet? No matter how much money I put in it, I always find it empty. Moot point now as Bloomberg is out. Hey Mike, you can always look back and know that American Samoa was all in for you. I think him being in the race was good. He showed the rest of the Democrats exactly how to attack Trump. His anti-Trump ads were clever and effective. I hope they continue.

My heart has been telling me to vote for Elizabeth Warren. However, my heart is also responsible for me ending up with … Continue reading “Post Super Tuesday Voices”

Winnowing the Candidates – Super Tuesday Edition

When I last winnowed, I had no idea that we would be talking about a new candidate when I winnowed again. I also had no idea that I wouldn’t winnow again until Super Tuesday, but the candidates were doing sufficient self-winnowing. I really like that word … winnow. Anyway, welcome to the race, Mike Bloomberg, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass when you leave … quickly … like right now. Consider yourself winnowed. We don’t need 2 non-Democrats in the Democratic primary.

I’m not surprised Elizabeth Warren is still in the race. I love her as a politician and would be proud to vote for her for President. However, I appear to be in the minority. I have heard her described as shrill. The Return of Shrillary? I think the USA still has a ways to go before accepting and electing a female as President, and that makes me sad.

Over the course of this campaign, I have personally supported the candidacies of Beto O’Rourke, Eric Swalwell, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, Mayor Pete, Liz Warren, and Joe Biden. Boy, can I ever pick the quitters. You may notice one big name candidate missing from that group. That candidate is who I voted for in the 2016 Democratic primary. That candidate is …

Continue reading “Winnowing the Candidates – Super Tuesday Edition”

Flies On Washington Walls #164 – Post Nevada Debate Edition

FOWW #164 Warren

Bloomberg Warren Check

The Single Biggest Threat to Democracy

There are those that think that having a cruel, vindictive, racist, sexual predatory, dementia addled, Adderall snorting, Fox News watching, fast food & Diet Coke guzzling, fake tan and hair wearing, popular vote losing, foreign government conspiring, forever impeached moron in the White House is the single biggest threat to our democracy. Maybe. I think a case could legitimately be made.

However, consider this …

Ballot 2020

Yes, I am running again for a position nobody wants. The fact that a dope like me can get on a ballot should also get some consideration as a threat to our democracy.  I highly suggest some guardrails be added in the future to prevent this abomination from ever happening again.

Stand Tall

Over the weekend, Donald Trump unleased a midnight Twitter attack against Democrat candidate Mike Bloomberg. This one sums it up …

Height3

This is remarkable considering Trump is a known Liftist. Take a look …

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A Twitter Mystery

As the election cycle heats up, Russian Twitter bots are starting to swarm. If I get a new follower with a Twitter name including a long string of numbers, bad grammar in their tweets, and pro-Trump tweets, I’m pretty sure that it’s a Russian bot. They get an automatic block. I follow an outstanding political cartoonist, @repeat1968, who imagined what those pro-Trump Russian bots look like …

yolo4

Terrifying. I always keep my eyes to the skies now.

When I got the following notifcation from Twitter, I immediately thought “eat” because I was hungry at the time. And then I thought “bot” because of the Twitter name. But that’s when the mystery started. Take a look …

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Flies On Washington Walls #160 – Double Panel Moscow Mitch Edition

FOWW #160a McConnell

 

FOWW #160b McConnell

Another Edition of Twitter Pics

I couldn’t come up with a mulch cartoon today, so you get more Twitter funnies. You’re welcome!

Here’s a campaign sign for Trump that I can get behind …

Trump Campaign Sign

Speaking of getting behind Trump, today he delivered the most cogent tweet he has ever tweeted …

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Five – The Challenges & Challengers

Well, we’ve reached the halfway point. I’m halfway finished writing a crappy novella. The good news there is that you’ll be halfway done reading excerpts from a crappy novella once you are done reading this post. Let’s get started, the sooner the better.


After the big announcement of Ray running for President, I was wondering, “Now what?” It seemed like a whole lot of work was ahead of us, and the bursitis in my knee was flaring up something awful with some wet weather we was having. I’m no quitter, but with football back on TV, watching the Iowa Hawkeyes go undefeated in September seemed like a lot more fun than knocking on doors or stuffing envelopes. And how about that 18-17 comeback win over the Iowa State Cyclones? I hate winning the game with a field goal, and they shoulda whipped those Cyclone asses more, but a road win sure as hell beats losing. And it was a honey of a whale of a ding-dong dilly of a game.

I know what you’re thinking — I should be an Iowa State fan since Okawana is closer to Iowa State than U of I. But I’ve always been a Big Ten fan, even though there’s 14 teams now in the conference. Ain’t that crazier than a Trump tariff? And why the hell is Rutgers part of the Big Ten? If you ask me, they should be part of one of them fancy conferences back east. I’d rather have Iowa State in the Big Ten so I can see them Cyclones get their asses whuppped every week by Big Ten teams. But Iowa State is in the Big 12, and they only got 10 teams. They can’t afford to lose any more. I say the Big Ten should give the Big 12 Rutgers and Maryland so the Big 12 can be the Big 12 again. Only having 10 teams in the Big 12 must be downright embarrassing.  Hey, here’s a joke. Why is it called the Big 12 and not the Big Twelve? Because them Big 12 students are so dumb they can’t spell twelve. I made that one up myself.

Continue reading “My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Five – The Challenges & Challengers”

Truckin’

Yesterday, while Democratic candidates were beating each other up in a debate, House Republicans on a retreat in Baltimore were listening to a rambling, repetitive diatribe from guest-slurrer Donald Trump. Yes, the same Baltimore that Trump decried as rat-infested. So, MadDog PAC and Twitter provocateur Claude Taylor (@TrueFactsStated) took their Trump Rat Truck to Baltimore to join the protests. Oh, they also embellished the street sign a bit.

Rat in Baltimore.JPG

I just bought one of those signs from MadDog PAC (you can too at www.maddogpac.com) and am looking for a landing spot on the Flanigan compound to proudly display it. The Baltimore Sun covered the event and the counter-protests. I read their article online mainly to see what they said about the Trump Rat Truck. However, in the course of reading the article, an ad came up. That’s normal, but this time the ad was just so apropos. The article was talking about House Republicans losing the majority in 2018, and this was the ad that followed …

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Four – The Announcement

I wanted to release excerpts from Chapter 4 on Labor Day, but I didn’t. Uh, that doesn’t really sound like a good excuse or explanation. Pretty lame. Let’s just agree that the important thing is that excerpts from the Chapter 4 rough draft follow below.

Now for those that haven’t read along with MPTWTBP up to this point, good for you. Don’t waste your time. Go for a walk. Climb a mountain. Pick wildflowers. Take hallucinogens. Enjoy life. For those of you who are resistant to most of those ideas, but open to the hallucinogens, here are the links to the first 3 chapters. Note: Take the hallucinogens first.

This chapter is the longest, so there are many yuks, laughs, giggles, and guffaws that didn’t make it into these excepts. Take it from me … my side is still split from laughing so hard. Very messy and inconvenient though. Anyway, here we go with some Chapter 4 excerpts.

Chapter Four – The Announcements, August, 2019

From the beginning, Ray had planned to declare his candidacy over the 4th of July weekend. He thought that would be darn patriotic and fit in well with the rest of the festivities in Okawana. Even before Iowa legalized fireworks back in 2017, the townfolk’s been gathering in the grove of trees by the diner on the 4th for a little town picnic and games. My favorite game was to see whose pet looked most like their owner. Wanda Bixley’s bulldog, Brutus, won most years I can recall. Oh, there was one year when that nerdy writer fella who bought the Pike’s old farmhouse as a quiet place to write his big, fancy novel came to the picnic. Someone nominated the fella’s goldfish since that writer had a sorta fish face with thick glasses that made his eyes look bulgy. Who knows if the guy even had a goldfish, but you can be sure that goldfish won and the writer never came back. Brutus was back to winning the next year even though Wanda was wearing her hair long at the time.

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Mite Be Funny #132 – Special Multi-Panel Republican Primary Edition

Mite Be Funny #132a Flake Primary Challenge

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Three – The Issues

Another month, another chapter. If you need to catch up, here are links to Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. Despite adjusting my medications, I put more words down on paper to create a Chapter 3, this time about campaign issues. Gee, that sounds dry. It was difficult to write about serious issues in a light-hearted way. I’m not sure I succeeded. Regardless, here are some excerpts from a raw, unedited third chapter about issues facing us today.

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Two – The Debates

Well, after publishing excerpts from chapter one, nobody stepped up and told me to stop writing this nonsense. You only have yourselves to blame for the following excerpts from the campaign diary called My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President.

Continue reading “My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Two – The Debates”

Notes from Debate #1A

In between moments of sheer boredom (because most of the candidates were all correct most of the time last night), I took copious notes that I will share with you.

Bill de Blasio – Rude, brash New Yorker who helped raise his profile significantly with his bravado. Uh-oh, that sounds familiar.

Tim Ryan – Looks like Bill de Blasio’s son. Nothing else to see or hear here. Move along.

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter One – The Decision

Well, I warned you all. Here are excerpts from Chapter One of the book that I’m writing concurrent with the presidential campaign. Yes, the grammar is wrong. It is written in the first person – a campaign diary supposedly written by the modestly-educated host twin of the parasitic twin candidate. The grammar is meant to be wrong. Click to read the excepts, if you dare.

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What is Wrong with this Blog?

The title of this post could apply to this blog from the very first post, but it is especially applicable now. It used to be that readers could count on a post full of drivel from me almost every single day. You may have noticed (and rejoiced) that my posts have become more sporadic and less Trumpy. As for the latter, I am just sick of that saggy skin sack of lies and monkey feces. Sorry, that’s not fair to monkeys.

monkey mad.gif

Wow, touchy. I said I was sorry. Anyway, I just want Trump impeached and voted out in 2020. I find nothing funny about him any longer.

As for the sporadicity (not a word, but a potential album title) of my posts, that’s another story.

Continue reading “What is Wrong with this Blog?”

Winnowing the Candidates – Summer Vacation Edition

So far, we have made progress in winnowing the candidates. Here’s who we have winnowed so far:

  • Bernie Sanders
  • Tulsi Gabbard
  • John Delaney
  • Seth Moulton
  • Tim Ryan
  • Mike Gravel
  • John Hickenlooper
  • Wayne Messam
  • Andrew Yang
  • Eric Swalwell

Needs reasons? Just search this blog for winnowing to find all the posts. That leaves us with this field remaining.

Dem Candidates 22 wo swalwell

Except, I wasn’t quite sure who this guy is … Dem unknown

Reverse Google Image Search suggested Dr. Dorociak, a dentist from Sarasota or the deceased Daniel Judd of Gloucester, MA. I wouldn’t doubt that either of them may be running. I narrowed it down to an already-winnowed Tim Ryan or new-to-the-race NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio. Not quite sure, but it won’t matter by the end of this article. Spoiler alert!

Not pictured is former Alaskan Senator and current old man Mike Gravel, responsible for the coolest meme of the 2020 campaign so far.

Continue reading “Winnowing the Candidates – Summer Vacation Edition”

Winnowing the Candidates – Three Must Flee

This is really getting ridiculous. I can’t cut Democratic presidential candidates fast enough before more take their place. Here’s a recent poll from Emerson, and I have lined-out in red the candidates I have already eliminated.

Democratic Poll 5-19

Now we have Montana Governor Steve Bullock and NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio entering the race. I hate to do it, but it’s time to cut three. Here we go.

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Winnowing the Candidates – Pelosi’s Revenge

To catch-up the Trump supporters and similar slow/non-readers of this blog, here are the candidates we have eliminated from the Democratic primary race to date.

I mean, really, someone has to tell these people to go home and stop wasting money. I felt bad about the Delaney winnowing since he was the first in the race and seems like a good guy, until I saw this …

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