Thankfully, South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg has taken his sweet time to officially announce he’s out of the Democratic race for President after I cut him last week. I’m certain he’s not ignoring me, and has just been getting his campaign in order before withdrawing gracefully from the race. Hold on, Mayor Pete. You’re back in.
My decision is partially because there was a winnowing of potential candidates that organically took place over the last week. Just take a look at this list that announced they are not running:
- Michael Bloomberg. He will have to find solace with just being a billionaire and the 9th richest person in the world. Poor guy.
- Hillary Clinton. She will have to be satisfied knowing that she could win the popular vote against Trump … again.
- Senator Jeff Merkly. I like him even more after he pranked us with this video announcing he will not run.
- Senator Sherrod Brown. He took Ben Carson’s advice at the 1:00 minute mark in this video, and he’ll be reprising Peter Falk’s role as Columbo in a new Broadway play.
- Former Attorney General Eric Holder. He is the main reason Mayor Pete is back in the race. I’ll explain.
Eric Holder is one of the few proponents of court packing. He’s also solidly behind meat packing. Court packing is expanding the Supreme Court to better balance the court between sane people and right wing crazies. I’m looking at you Justice Party Boy Brett!
No other candidate has come out in favor of court packing, except for Mayor Pete. I think there is merit in the court packing concept. So I will grab some humble pie and invite Mayor Pete back into the presidential race. It almost feels like he didn’t leave.
Oh, and former Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper who just announced he’s running? You’re out. Your name just sounds too funny. I can’t say your name without tittering. And there’s this secret message …
I don’t doubt it. I don’t blame Hickenlooper for it. I just don’t want Hitler associated with my President. I’ll qualify that a bit. I don’t want Hitler associated with my President anymore. I’m looking at you Herr Führer.
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