Jim Flanigan Looks at the World
Turning the Mundane into Fundane Since 2015
When I’m feeling petty, the name that comes to my mind is Tom Petty, but in an effort to appeal to NASCAR fans, I figured I would include a pic of Richard Petty. Good luck packaging my occasional Trump-bashing blog rants to appeal to the NASCAR crowd, right?
Anyway, I am feeling very petty and vindictive thanks towards this restaurant …
Sure, I helped in a water rescue while on vacation. It was nothing. No need to heap praise or adulation on me. A key to the city might be nice, but I’m not pushing for it.
My wife had used a painful foot injury as a lame (pun intended) excuse to avoid shopping with relatives. So I was in downtown Grand Ledge, Michigan walking endlessly from shop to shop while looking for something sharp to purchase and thrust into my heart.
Part of the group I was with took a break from the excitement of shopping to walk along the river. My grand-niece commented that a man was calling 911. On us? I went to confront him and cause a scene. Anything to get out of more shopping to come.
He was calling 911 since there was a riding mower in the river.
Unfortunately …
Here was what was going to be the plan as I understood it for the past 36 hours. My youngest daughter was having some school friends over to the house for a birthday sleepover as she celebrates turning ten years old. The plan was for my wife and the girls to watch a movie in a tent outside and then fall sleep there. I envisioned myself sitting inside, sipping an ice cold adult beverage, watching whatever movie I wanted to watch (a rare treat) and maybe creating a special Father’s Day Mite Be Funny cartoon that would keep me amused and chortling to myself all evening as I fall asleep with a wry smile on my face.
These last 36 hours have not gone according to plan.
Friday 6AM – I started working from home early Friday morning at 6AM which means I checked Facebook, the news feeds, weather, etc. for a couple hours. I was able to book not one, but two orders from a customer in Mauritius. Ten points will be awarded if you can point where that tiny island nation is located on this map.
Give up? OK, here’s the answer …
On Wednesday evening, I biked about 1 mile over to a stranger’s house, helped myself to an adult beverage from their cooler and settled into a comfy couch on their back deck. The homeowner let me stay and even offered me snacks! The reason is simple.
The latest news is that Michael Cohen’s lawyers have quit, allegedly due to a disagreement over fees. Who would have ever guessed that Donald Trump’s lawyer would not pay his bills? I guess the rotten apple doesn’t fall too far from Trump Tower.
But why not save a ton of money and just represent himself if he’s a lawyer? Oh right, he got his degree from the Thomas Cooley Law School which was recently mentioned by Politico as being the worst law school in the US. Regardless, it isn’t going to take much lawyering to plead guilty to the rock-solid case the feds are preparing against him.
With all that said, I have decided to contribute to Michael Cohen’s legal defense fund, on 1 giant condition …
I can’t believe he shook the hand of a ruthless dictator.
I also can’t believe that Trump shook Un’s hand.
The current leader of the free world, German Chancellor Angela Merkel asks Donald Trump if colored pictures would help him understand the material presented at the G7 Summit. Meanwhile, a walrus inexplicably appears over Trump’s right shoulder.
First, apologies to monkeys. I did not want to drag you into the swamp called the Trump administration, but I was missing a title and that one seemed appropriate and did not require much thought.
By now, you may have seen this.
I just wish Trump had also tried kissing Melania. Would Pence have tried, too? Probably not as Melania I am sure would have fended off Trump’s amorous attempt. She has been able to protect herself from less so far that we have seen …
The Jim Flanigan Looks at the World investigative team of reporters, grifters and Joel Osteen followers is pleased to break the news (and some wind) that the Kim – Trump summit will not happen on June 12th. Details follow.
I hate to bring you the bad news, but the regularly scheduled blog post featuring information about my toenails has been bumped again to tomorrow. I can understand and support your decision to never read this blog again if you are that upset by these scheduling changes or are simply sick of this blog. There are days that I never want to post again. The reason for this schedule change is special. It is an opportunity to pull back the curtain and get to know me a little too well in a way that we will both feel very uncomfortable. I’m featured on a YouTube video …
Yeah, yeah, I know the title is misspelled. Par for the course, right. Hmm, I wonder what this post might be ultimately about.
Today’s normally scheduled post which does contain a reference to my toenails has been bumped to tomorrow in lieu of a Special Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Investigation. We were simply not satisfied that the Donald Trump – Kim Jong Un summit in June was canceled because North Korea called Mike Pence a dummy. They certainly did call him that, but no harm since everyone knows he is a dummy. That is no reason to cancel a summit that will legitimize a brutal dictator. We looked further and this is what we uncovered …
This is a perfect example of the reason I gave up trying to do funny, phony Trump tweets …
Hindsight always seems to be 20/20. No, not this kind of hindsight …
I’m talking about looking back and rethinking decisions. For example, take Hawaii, please …
Once Trumpatized 2018 v2.0 was released, I was pretty sure I was just a few million downloads away from easy street, fame and fortune. How was I going to get a few million downloads? I figured I’d start with one million and work my way up from there. I wasn’t so sure about how to do that, except I was certain that all of you reading this would not be a huge help. Geez, it’s like pulling teeth to just get a “Like” on some of these posts, probably because reading some of my posts is like getting a tooth pulled. I had to find a way to get that song to go viral, although I was willing to settle for bacterial.
I decided on promotion. I have heard that there is no such thing as bad publicity, so I considered a really random act of stupidity that would get national attention, but the office of President is already filled. What? It’s working for him.
I tried more traditional methods and shopped the song around to some progressive media outlets. The response was incredible. No wait, I typed that wrong. The response was inaudible, except for these guys …
I am literally risking my life by writing this blog post. That is not a lie, but surely an exaggeration. My wife has told me a million zillion times not to exaggerate. How am I supposed to write this blog if I don’t? But I am under doctor’s orders to not travel (business trip canceled), do not exert myself (what I do best), don’t type (you, the reader, would surely benefit) and see him 2 more times after already seeing him 2 times since Monday. People may soon start to talk. And it all stems from waking up to this on Tuesday …
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 