Anticipated Trump Tweet
Category: satire
Flies On Washington Walls #124
I Spy, Part 2
Yesterday, we all decided that I was well-suited to forge a new career as a spy. But for what country or group? ISIS would be easy. They’ll recruit any nutjob like me. Well, I certainly am NOT going to be doing any spying for ISIS for one very important reason.
Aw Shoot, Back to School
Is anyone really happen about going back to school? Teachers gripe about the students. Students gripe about basically everything, but especially school and teachers. But the investigative team at Jim Flanigan Looks at the World found one group that is thrilled with school back in session. The one group eager for school to resume is potential school shooters.
We gathered a group of people who self-identify as potential shooters to try and understand why school resuming makes them happy.
Their faces have been hidden, but don’t worry, you will likely see them on the news soon. We asked them all to express their feelings about children being back in school. Continue reading “Aw Shoot, Back to School”
Space Farce
I was planning on a contemplative gem of a blog post today about the meaning of life and the essence of our very existence, but Trump did it to me once again, dangling a shiny object in front of me as a distraction. The shiny object this time …
Yep, for just 9 billion dollars, you too can have a Space Force. If you don’t have that much, at least you can vote for Trump’s Space Force logo. Take a look at the candidates …
Stupidnova
When a star explodes, it is called a supernova and it is magnificent.
Editor’s Note: This is a conceptualization only. No actual stars were destroyed in the making of this blog post.
However, Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was recently destroyed. Take a look …
Fruity Thoughts From a Vegetable
The vegetable mentioned in the title would be yours truly. Now that summer fruits are so readily available, and my vegetable garden is harvestable, I have been having some thoughts about fruits and veggies that I feel compelled to share with you.
I love cherries. Two words for you … Ranier cherries. They are heaven. They are in season. Buy them. Enjoy. You’re welcome.
But I have a problem buying cherries. When I purchase cherries by the pound, I get charged for the pits that are discarded. That’s not fair. However, I do have a solution.
Flies On Washington Walls #118
Flies On Washington Walls #116 – Special Multi-Panel Commemorative Trump-Putin Summit Edition
We are appreciative of our intrepid Flies On Washington Walls who stowed away on Air Force One so they could sit in on the Trump-Putin Summit.
Flies On Washington Walls #114 – Special Multi-Panel “Rot in Hell Scott Pruitt” Farewell Edition
The Horrors of War
Prelude to War
I stumbled out of bed early yesterday and looked for my weapon. Yes, I was headed to war. If you don’t know what I am talking about, please read about the Civil War II. But I knew there would be nothing civil about it. I grabbed some grub, printed my map and headed for the battlefield with my weapon of choice …
36 (it’s a play on the title of the TV show called 24 starring Kiefer Sutherland which I never watched but hear was a very good show, although don’t expect that kind of writing quality in this blog post, the title of which numerically implies it should be 50% better than the TV show, but it is definitely not)
Here was what was going to be the plan as I understood it for the past 36 hours. My youngest daughter was having some school friends over to the house for a birthday sleepover as she celebrates turning ten years old. The plan was for my wife and the girls to watch a movie in a tent outside and then fall sleep there. I envisioned myself sitting inside, sipping an ice cold adult beverage, watching whatever movie I wanted to watch (a rare treat) and maybe creating a special Father’s Day Mite Be Funny cartoon that would keep me amused and chortling to myself all evening as I fall asleep with a wry smile on my face.
These last 36 hours have not gone according to plan.
Friday 6AM – I started working from home early Friday morning at 6AM which means I checked Facebook, the news feeds, weather, etc. for a couple hours. I was able to book not one, but two orders from a customer in Mauritius. Ten points will be awarded if you can point where that tiny island nation is located on this map.
Give up? OK, here’s the answer …
G7 Summit Highlights
The current leader of the free world, German Chancellor Angela Merkel asks Donald Trump if colored pictures would help him understand the material presented at the G7 Summit. Meanwhile, a walrus inexplicably appears over Trump’s right shoulder.
Summit Will Not Take Place June 12th
The Jim Flanigan Looks at the World investigative team of reporters, grifters and Joel Osteen followers is pleased to break the news (and some wind) that the Kim – Trump summit will not happen on June 12th. Details follow.
Breaking News Fore You
Yeah, yeah, I know the title is misspelled. Par for the course, right. Hmm, I wonder what this post might be ultimately about.
Today’s normally scheduled post which does contain a reference to my toenails has been bumped to tomorrow in lieu of a Special Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Investigation. We were simply not satisfied that the Donald Trump – Kim Jong Un summit in June was canceled because North Korea called Mike Pence a dummy. They certainly did call him that, but no harm since everyone knows he is a dummy. That is no reason to cancel a summit that will legitimize a brutal dictator. We looked further and this is what we uncovered …
Flies On Washington Walls #109
H2OMG!
BREAKING NEWS …
Gina Haspel, nominee for the position of CIA Director, has threatened to waterboard any US Senator who does not vote in favor of her confirmation.
Deal or No Deal?
For someone who touts himself as the King of the Dealmakers, Trump sure seems to only be able to kill deals. His bestseller The Art Of The Deal may require a little rewrite.
Covfefe & Eggs
BREAKING NEWS …
Sarah Sanders declined to comment to a waitress this morning as to what she would like in her coffee and how she would like her eggs cooked. At (redacted) Grill, Sanders was overheard to say, “Those questions were answered yesterday. I will not keep addressing the same questions, especially those that refer to an ongoing breakfast.”
Rudy Giuliani is expected to clear up the Sanders breakfast controvery on Fox News later today.
North Meets South
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 