Noted navel lint enthusiast and all-around nutjob Alex Jones is predicting a Civil War starting today sparked by Democrats.
I am very upset about this, but not because there will be a Civil War.
I’m upset because it would be nice if I had a little notice. I have plans for today. How I am going to shoehorn a Civil War into my schedule is a mystery to me.
Next, where was my invite? I’m a dedicated Democrat. I feel like I’m back in high school again, and not getting an invite to the party being thrown by the cool kids.
Finally, what can I bring? What’s appropriate to bring to a Civil War? I was just a little kid during the first Civil War, so I barely remember that. That’s no help. How about a nice potato salad? Who doesn’t like a nice potato salad?
If there is a Civil War II, I hope the Democrats lose and get booted from the USA. Maybe we can take a few major metro areas with us and form the United Cities of America. I’d be fine with that. Then when we travel outside the UCA to visit the USA, we can marvel at the strange customs of racism, police brutality, tax breaks for the rich, government child kidnapping, misogyny, etc. running rampant in the USA.
If you are in the USA, I hope you enjoy the fireworks tonight. Just be warned, some of those missiles may be incoming fire from the upcoming Civil War. See you on the front lines.