The Horrors of War

Prelude to War

I stumbled out of bed early yesterday and looked for my weapon. Yes, I was headed to war. If you don’t know what I am talking about, please read about the Civil War II. But I knew there would be nothing civil about it. I grabbed some grub, printed my map and headed for the battlefield with my weapon of choice …


The Northern Front

I headed north from my house to do battle in Elgin, IL. Buildings in Elgin exist that pre-date the first Civil War.

elgin building

I hoped those buildings would survive the second. I arrived early and joined up with my fellow troops. As we awaited deployment, we were given our uniforms …


The Battle

It seemed like an hour and a half while we waited the 90 minutes before being told to march. And march we did, willingly into the heat, surrounded on all sides by those that we could not always identify as friend or foe. However, if we saw this, we knew it was  foe …


We suffered no casualties, and while there were some stony glances thrown our way, I counted only one middle finger attack launched at us from a sniper on a second story balcony. Coward. Come on down to the parade route battlefield and do that.

The Pride

We marched on and on in the relentless heat with only chilled bottled water to cool and hydrate us.


As we marched, spontaneous cheers and applause broke out all around us. Despite the 90+ degree heat and high humidity, I started to get chills and goosebumps. I recognized that as a sign of heat stroke and upped my water intake.

The Aftermath

I headed home, and regaled my family with tales of battlefield derring-do. I knew they were only pretending not to listen and care in order to avoid the inevitable tears that would roll down their cheeks. As for me, I was so dehydrated I could no longer produce tears and didn’t urinate for 8 hours. I really have got to remember to drink more fluids. Oh, the toll that war takes on one’s body! But don’t cry for me. If you must shed a tear, shed a tear for this once-great nation now embroiled in Civil War II.