Continue reading “Flies On Washington Walls #126” →
Flies On Washington Walls #126
Tag: donald trump
Anticipated Trump Tweet
Here’s Hoping Fantasy Becomes Reality
Another week, another loss for my family fantasy football team as I am now 0-2 in that league. Last week my team lost as the Hurricane Towels with this logo.
Fortunately, Donald Trump’s visit to the hurricane-ravaged areas in the Carolinas this past week did not include tossing paper towels to the victims. Unfortunately, as he passed out meals, he was caught on video telling one victim to “Have a good time.” Yep, if being flooded and losing everything so that you have to accept meals from a career criminal is your cup of tea, I guess it could be a good time.
Week 3 of fantasy football is upon us, so I turned my attention to SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh for inspiration for a new team name. I had considered The KavaNaughties, but I felt that name was a bit too glib, and it trivialized and diminished the seriousness of his alleged felony sexual assault against Dr. Ford. Once again, as a Public Service Message in case Dr. Ford reads this blog (and why wouldn’t she?), I am pleased to mention that there is no statute of limitations for felony sexual assault in the State of Maryland. Just sayin.’
I am happy with the team name I chose that Brett Kavanaugh did inspire.
You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man
The title of today’s blog post is a saying and a movie from the great comedian W.C. Fields, and I tested that saying the other day. I opened my car door in a parking lot and accidentally lightly tapped the car next to mine. I had the door in my control at all times and could immediately see that zero damage was done to either vehicle. I could also see the other vehicle was a Cadillac Escalade which I stereo-typically view as driven by a criminal, drug dealer or pimp.
Hmmm, maybe point proved. Anyway, the angry owner jumped out of the car, I assumed (hoped?) to sell me drugs or whatever. However, he insisted I damaged his car. Where? There was no mark. I opened the door again close to his car. Nothing there where the two cars had kissed. He pointed to a spot about half an inch away. I insisted that could not be from my door. He insisted I did not understand the laws of physics. Well, he was right about that, but that did not explain why the spot on his car was white and my car is gray. He insisted I provide my insurance card and driver’s license. I refused.
I’m not a small guy, but this guy was big. He made me look small and old. Well, at least the old part was accurate. And he smoked unfiltered Camel cigarettes. I think that means he can rip me in half, but probably not be able to catch me to try.
I resisted. I have a lot of experience resisting the last year and a half. He threatened to call the police. I told him to go ahead. And then he called my bluff and made the call. Gulp.
The Day the Music Died – Part 1, Saturday
There is a line in Don McLean’s song, American Pie, about “the day the music died.” For me, it should have been “the days the music died” which perfectly described this past weekend for me. My 2018 concert summer experience was just showing signs of life with September concerts by Cheap Trick and Rare Earth. This past Saturday, I had a chance to make 2018 a memorable concert summer.
Chicago is a city chock full o’ of summer music festivals, and Riot Fest came to town this past weekend. No, it is not a celebration of the 1968 Democratic National Convention held in Chicago between riots. It’s an incredible 3-day music festival. I could have seen Weezer headline Friday night, and I thought it would be cool on Sunday to see Debbie Harry bring Blondie to Riot Fest to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the release of their great album Parallel Lines. But I couldn’t believe the line-up of artists I could see on Saturday. I could spend about 7 hours there in music heaven wandering from stage to stage to see favorites. Take a look at this line-up …
Continue reading “The Day the Music Died – Part 1, Saturday”
Fantasy Meets Hurricane Reality
Each week I am changing my family league fantasy football team name and logo to tweak my Trump-loving relatives in the league. Last week, this guy’s mug was the logo for my team, the Mueller Marauders.
You can read the details HERE.
This week, I was stymied. I had a team name of the Sanders Raised Eyebrows planned, but there is a character limit on team names. “Mine is too long,” I said for the first time ever.
However, I am happy with my alternate choice for this week.
Flies On Washington Walls #124
Time Flies
Has it really been 17 years since September 11, 2017? Wow, time flies.
Fantasy Feud
The NFL season has begun. That means my fantasy football season has begun. That means my fantasy feuding with my Trump-loving relatives in my family’s fantasy football league has begun. Say that 3 times fast.
I explained in a prior post about my plan to tweak the Trumpkin relatives in my family’s fantasy football league with Trump-baiting team names. I entered our online draft as the DC United Patriots with this team logo.
That elicited nary a comment. Who can complain about someone with a patriotic team name and logo? So for week 1, I decided to turn up the tweaking a bit. Here’s my week 1 team logo …
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Yesterday, my wife calmly pointed out a bee/wasp/hornet on her pillow. Like one of Pavlov’s conditioned dogs, I reached for a tissue, gathered the creature in its folds, and took it outside to set it free. I guess technically it was free inside our house, and I was the one who imprisoned it in a tissue, so is that really setting it free? It’s kind of like when Donald Trump signs a heinous Executive Order, chaos ensues, and then he “fixes” the problem by revoking the order, most likely because some circuit court judge ordered him to do so.
Anyway, my wife’s pillow was bee/wasp/hornet-free when she was ready for bed last night. We both slept soundly, with my sounds being mostly snores. That was until I felt a sharp pain in my arm, like a deranged acupuncturist was loose in our bedroom. I groggily reached for the area, grabbed something, threw it on my nightstand, and went back to a fitful sleep. I dreamed I had a stinging pain in my arm the rest of the night. Meanwhile, my wife dreamed she was married to a pain in the neck for the rest of her life.
In the morning, I awoke to this …
Trump Takes
Donald Trump cares. He knows we don’t have as much time as he does to watch television and tweet about what he just saw on Fox and Friends. He is always trying to help us through Twitter. He just helped us again. He knows we may not be able to keep up with all the times he obstructed justice during interviews, press conferences, rallies, statements, and tweets. Just in case we forgot that he has obstructed justice, we are grateful that he dropped this tweet on us …
Flies On Washington Walls #123
I Spy, Part 2
Yesterday, we all decided that I was well-suited to forge a new career as a spy. But for what country or group? ISIS would be easy. They’ll recruit any nutjob like me. Well, I certainly am NOT going to be doing any spying for ISIS for one very important reason.
Kenya? You betcha!
Donald Trump’s meeting with the President of Kenya caught my eye today.
What caught my eye is that the President of Kenya has the last name of Kenyatta. That almost sounds like one of the dopes in the Trump administration set up a phony meeting with a phony foreign world leader to make it look like Trump is actually doing work. They couldn’t think to research the actual Kenyan president’s name, so they just used a derivative of the word Kenya. Kind of like President Usanski of the USA. But I did some exhaustive research (10 seconds of Googling), and sure enough, the President of Kenya is named Uhuru Kenyatta. Uhuru is a Swahili word meaning freedom, so it is actually kind of a cool name. The only way it would be a better first name if it was Swahili for “I don’t know what nonsense that idiot Trump is trying to sell me, but I’m not buying it.”
I Spy, Part 1
I was indoctrinated to the world of spying and international espionage at a very young age through shows like I Spy.
Bill Cosby? Yes, that Bill Cosby! Maybe he first learned about roofies when doing his research about spying for the show.
Flies On Washington Walls #122 – Special Senator John McCain Multi-Panel Memorial Edition
Penning a Classic
I received this pen as a gift last summer.
Maybe I should clarify. This pen was given to me at a summer party last year because the owner threw up in his mouth every time he looked at it. I gladly grabbed it. The 8 sayings are listed on the back …
It’s Just a Fantasy
In 1980, a young Billy Joel sang, “But sometimes a fantasy is all you need.”
I needed some sort of fantasy back in the 1980’s after my hometown football team, the Chicago Bears, won only one Super Bowl rather than the two or three we were expecting out of that talented team. I got hooked on the one thing that could make me feel okay about the lack of Super Bowl rings for the Bears.
Not Viral, but …
Several of my children were visiting a few days ago to celebrate one of their birthdays, although I swear that we celebrate more kid birthdays than the number of kids I have. I asked my eldest daughter who is Twitter-savvy about how many Likes or Retweets are needed for a tweet to be considered to have gone viral. She replied, “Thousands.”
The reason I asked is because of this tweet of mine …
It caught me by surprise that 146 people would like this tweet because it is a fairly inconsequential tweeted response to Rep Eric Swalwell of California and the dude who runs MadDog PAC that sells great anti-Trump swag to fund anti-Trump billboards across the country. It is so inconsequential that I have elected not to even show the whole tweet. If you really want to see it, follow me on Twitter @jim_flanigan. I recommend against it.
But then, what really surprised me was this …
Aw Shoot, Back to School
Is anyone really happen about going back to school? Teachers gripe about the students. Students gripe about basically everything, but especially school and teachers. But the investigative team at Jim Flanigan Looks at the World found one group that is thrilled with school back in session. The one group eager for school to resume is potential school shooters.
We gathered a group of people who self-identify as potential shooters to try and understand why school resuming makes them happy.
Their faces have been hidden, but don’t worry, you will likely see them on the news soon. We asked them all to express their feelings about children being back in school. Continue reading “Aw Shoot, Back to School”
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 