Flies On Washington Walls #109
Tag: comedy
Mite Be Funny #68 – Special Royal Wedding Edition
Rock On!
By now you may have heard about this story …
That’s Mo Brooks, House Representative from Alabama who is pushing that theory. Roll Damn Tide, and let’s hope the Crimson Tide can take that village idiot right out to sea. However, he does have visual proof to offer …
Risky Blogness
I am literally risking my life by writing this blog post. That is not a lie, but surely an exaggeration. My wife has told me a million zillion times not to exaggerate. How am I supposed to write this blog if I don’t? But I am under doctor’s orders to not travel (business trip canceled), do not exert myself (what I do best), don’t type (you, the reader, would surely benefit) and see him 2 more times after already seeing him 2 times since Monday. People may soon start to talk. And it all stems from waking up to this on Tuesday …
My New Stool Rule
I was browsing through a copy of the new AARP Bulletin for a self-help article about how I can improve my life before I die from pathetic to just sad when I stumbled across this article about health cures…
I May Not Survive
My wife and youngest daughter have left for a three day trip to camp. I have been left at home with my youngest son, middle daughter, a puppy and a geriatric dog (14 years old). Our son did not even come home yesterday after work, so he is likely to be no help today. Our daughter does assist, but tends to sleep during day and stay awake all night. I think she may be struggling with a light case of vampirism. The dogs are nothing but trouble. Here’s how my first few hours alone went. Spoiler alert … NOT WELL!
Random Reflections Upon Mother’s Day
Mothers are the dressing on the salad of life: tangy, zesty and absolutely necessary to enjoy the salad. In case you are wondering, Dads are the croutons: crusty, kinda’ squarish, a bit stale, and more often than not, smelling like onions or garlic. The kids are the bits of salad that get stuck between your teeth that you can’t get out and drive you insane trying.
I saw these cards as I was shopping for my wife’s Mother’s Day card …
Mite Be Funny #67 – Special Mother’s Day Multi-Panel Edition
I am a Ticket Whore
Oh sure, you could replace the word ‘ticket’ in the title with most any other word, and it would still be true, but for the past month, I have almost exclusively been a ticket whore. I have planned large-scale National Sales Meetings in the past for companies I have worked for, and that was challenging, but now I am asking people to pay their hard-earned money for an event on a Tuesday night that they could probably do without. Well, as long as I am whoring, here’s the event and you are all invited …
Brew Review #3 – Wild Sour Blueberry Gose
I was getting tired of not being able to find a gose (pronounced like ‘Rosa’ except of course with a G rather than the R) beer, which I will remind you is a German sour, salty beer with little to no hoppiness that I fell in love with as described in my Brew Review #1. After some online sleuthing, I decided to try an actual liquor store this time which turned out to be a brilliant way to find a wide selection of liquor. The Binny’s Beverage Depot website showed numerous gose beers available. Sounds like a simple solution, right? Off to Binny’s except …
Continue reading “Brew Review #3 – Wild Sour Blueberry Gose”
Cohen Plaid Guilty!
BREAKING NEWS …
The crack(head) investigative journalists at Jim Flanigan Looks at the World have been able to positively confirm that of the hundreds of thousands of dollars coming into Michael Cohen’s shell company, Essential Consultants, not one dollar was spent on clothing or tailoring. Proof follows …
If you are going to wear plaid, make sure you have the body for it or an excellent tailor unless you want to look like this …
H2OMG!
BREAKING NEWS …
Gina Haspel, nominee for the position of CIA Director, has threatened to waterboard any US Senator who does not vote in favor of her confirmation.
Flies On Washington Walls #108
Deal or No Deal?
For someone who touts himself as the King of the Dealmakers, Trump sure seems to only be able to kill deals. His bestseller The Art Of The Deal may require a little rewrite.
Gym for Jim
I could be heading back to Middle School this week, of course except for the ones the judge has ordered me to stay 500 feet away from. You can come with, too. Meet me in Elkhart, Indiana on Thursday night! Elkhart is just a 2 hour drive east of Chicago by car, but at least 50 years behind Chicago in thought.
Mite Be Funny #66 – Happy Belated Cinco de Mayo Multi-Panel Edition
Fall of Dance
One of our daughters is majoring in Performance Dance at college. I drove almost 300 miles one night this week just to see her dance a solo in some performance on campus. She’s a beautiful dancer, so I was looking forward to seeing her dance in a piece that she choreographed herself. And then it happened …
Trumpatized 2018 v2.0
About a month ago, I introduced you to the rap song that I thought would send me to the Grammy Awards to pick up some hardware for Best New Artist or Whitest New Artist, one of those two. Feel free to take a listen again to Trumpatized 2018 v1.0. Heck, I even picked out a rap name to use.
That has not worked out as planned. Nobody is interested and my wife refuses to call me by my rap name of J-Saggy. And then it (or my wife, I’m really not sure which) hit me. If v1.0 failed, it couldn’t be because of the content and brilliant lyrics. The reason had to be because a Canadian recorded it. This country is so intent on making America great again that new music coming from Canada will likely be ignored. There was only one solution …
Covfefe & Eggs
BREAKING NEWS …
Sarah Sanders declined to comment to a waitress this morning as to what she would like in her coffee and how she would like her eggs cooked. At (redacted) Grill, Sanders was overheard to say, “Those questions were answered yesterday. I will not keep addressing the same questions, especially those that refer to an ongoing breakfast.”
Rudy Giuliani is expected to clear up the Sanders breakfast controvery on Fox News later today.
Flies On Washington Walls #107 – Special Multi-Rudy Edition
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 