Tag: comedy

My Dead Fantasy

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

The dream is over. When I last blogged about my family league’s Blue Wavers 40 fantasy football team, it had pulled itself out of last place and was stacking wins on the way to the playoffs. Go Blue Wavers 40!

blue wave

Except, the Blue Wavers 40 didn’t make it. Four straight wins to end the season was not enough to snag the last playoff spot, snatched by a nephew (no longer a favorite) on a tie-breaker. And to think I did a reading at his wedding. After ripping the final playoff spot away from me and stomping my heart into a red gelatinous puddle, he better not ask me to do a reading at his divorce.

But I do get to play on. That means it is time for a team name change to the …

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There’s a Coal Wind Blowing

~ Jim Flanigan

Remember when bringing back the coal industry was a thing?

Two years into the Trump Reich and we see this …

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Watch Your P’s & Q’s

~ Jim Flanigan

But especially those Q’s! The QAnon people (known as Q’s) are a subset of Trump supporters. They get their inside info from an anonymous source they call Q. Q tells them that the Deep State is actively working to subvert Trump, but Trump will triumph on … get ready for this … December 5th. Ta-da! Oh wait, it’s already December 6th. This is the point in the show where the magician can’t seem to find the rabbit that was supposed to get pulled from his hat.

hatb

hata

hatd

Yep, the Q followers should be em-bear-assed for all the ‘lion’ that Q does.

hate

It’s a shame that all their memes will go to waste. Like this mysterious, scary one …

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Conservation 101

~ Jim Flanigan

I’m concerned that I’m not doing enough to protect the natural resources on our planet. Sure, I try and do what I can. I don’t eat meat since beef ranching wastes natural resources. I have read that producing 1 kg of beef requires 5,000 to 20,000 liters of water. Because of the metric references, I have no idea what that actually means. I try not to drink water from plastic bottles. I always pour the water from the plastic bottle into a glass before I drink it. I try and eat a lot of cheese so I don’t poop as frequently. You can see I’m trying to do my part, but is it enough?

I decided to take it to the next level. Did you know that washing dishes by hand can use up to 9 times more water than using a dishwasher? But even dishwashers can waste water. So I fired Manuel, our dishwasher for the past 6 years. Then I decided to explore a revolutionary new way to conserve natural resources while eating meals. It all starts with this …

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I’m Being Followed

~ Jim Flanigan

I’m not yet very experienced in Twitter. I’m in the process of emerging from my Facebook chrysalis, and my Twitter wings are still wet. So when I saw that it looks like I’m being followed on Twitter by one of the most ruthless mobsters from the most famous crime family in the USA, I was not pleased. I didn’t panic. I didn’t delete all my tweets. I did clean out my 401K, but that was simply to pay a delinquent gas bill. Sorry, but just not a dedicated saver here and the weather is downright cold.

This is the Twitter notification I saw that sent chills through my body, or maybe it was that our gas heat had been shut off for going on 3 days now.  Continue reading “I’m Being Followed” →

Rudolph, The Lame-Ass Lawyer

~ Jim Flanigan

Rudy Giuliani was born as Rudolph Giuliani. Yesterday’s holiday-themed post featured a Giuliani tweet, and it got me thinking of a festive holiday parody song featuring him. No, not White Power Christmas, Arrest Ye Guilty Gentlemen, or even O Flip All Ye Guilty. I’m talking about …

Wait, what? You know already? Oh right, the damn title of this blog post. So much for suspense, and the same goes for Mike Pence. Sorry, been doing too much rhyming. Without further ado, here is Rudolph, The Lame-Ass Lawyer.

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God Bless Twitter

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I am so thankful for Twitter. Now I know how I want my Christmas lights to look this year …

Christmas Lights

Doesn’t that arouse inside of you a desire to come and see the climax of my Christmas decorating? But that’s not all the holiday decorating that Twitter has inspired.

Every year I do a Nativity on Ice, but it is always so difficult putting skates on the dog. Who else is going to play the role of the ass in the stable? Don’t answer that. Regardless, instead of a Nativity on Ice this season, thanks to Twitter, I am inspired to do … Continue reading “God Bless Twitter” →

Mite Be Funny #94

~ Jim Flanigan

Mite Be Funny #94a Christmas List

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RIP George H.W. Bush

~ Jim Flanigan

I’m going to put most of my snarkiness aside today and take a day off to mourn the passing of former President George Herbert Walker Bush.

george-h-w-bush-dead

I didn’t always like his politics, but I always believed he was an honorable man and a patriot. However, I cannot completely forgive him for resembling his son, George W Bush, in that picture above.

I hope this “man” will not be invited to the funeral, and if he is, certainly not allowed to speak.

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Flies On Washington Walls #132

~ Jim Flanigan

FOWW #132a Popcorn

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Nothing Works in Winter

~ Jim Flanigan

I hate winter weather.

shivering cold

Nothing works as it is supposed to work. I already shared with you how my tree is not working.

Tree broken

Isn’t that branch supposed to be reaching up toward the sky with birds sitting on the branches and chirping?

tree birds.gif

OK, so maybe not that many birds.

And now another thing with the house is not working …

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Thanks Trump, for Wasting our Time

~ Jim Flanigan

I have invented a time-saving grammar innovation to help revolutionize the world. However, due to Donald Trump, I can’t implement it across the USA. I will explain.

We’re always wasting time. A good example is this blog. I wasted time writing this post, and now I’m wasting your time as you read it. You’re welcome! Sure, an easy solution would be for me to stop blogging. How many of you have asked the question, “Why does he keep writing that drivel?”

hands up

Hey, that was rhetorical. Hands down please.

I wondered if there wasn’t another way to save time so I could still waste time with this blog. I set to work on a solution.

deep thought

But I couldn’t come up with anything because the room was full of floating mathematical equations. Geez, those are annoying.

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Donut Disturb

~ Jim Flanigan

I went to grab a chocolate donut from the pantry and discovered this abomination …

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There’s No Business Like Snow Business

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

We got hit by a blizzard last night. It did not result in a Norman Rockwellesque view like this …

norman rockwell

I mean, we got rid of our oxen in 2017.

It did result in a scene like this …

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A Father’s Fantasy Love

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

My team’s fortunes in my Trump-lover-filled family’s fantasy football league have taken a turn for the better since changing my team name and logo to the Blue Wavers.

blue wave

My team continues to win and finds itself sitting 1 game out of the last playoff spot with 2 games left to play in the regular season. Call it superstition or stupidity (they may actually be used interchangeably), but I am keeping my team name as Blue Wavers for another week as long as the wins keep piling up. However, the team is now Blue Wavers 38 as even more House seats have fallen to Democrats amounting to a net gain of 38 House seats. How are these election results still coming in? Do they have preschoolers hand-counting the ballots?

But my fatherly love was tested thanks to my fantasy football team this week.

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Happy Thanksgiving?

~ Jim Flanigan

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful that we can still post biting political cartoons like this one I saw on Twitter thanks to Claude Taylor @TrueFactsStated …

Trump Thanksgiving Pardon

But for how much longer will it be legal to post cartoons like this? Who knows as our Judicial system and Free Press are both under attack by Trump.

As I added meta tags to this post (for search engine use), I became saddened that I didn’t have to spellcheck the name Jamal Khashoggi. RIP. In the above cartoon, the Saudi crown prince is shown holding the sword. Next time will it be Trump?

I’m also sad that there is still a need to post these types of cartoons. Give thanks today. Then Persist to Resist.

 

 

Down the Drain

~ Jim Flanigan

Many of you will be traveling over this Thanksgiving weekend.

ha ha.gif

Meanwhile, I’ll be stuffing my pie hole with, well, pie I guess since I don’t eat turkey.

But I did travel last week, and while I sent you a scintillating story about my hotel room’s light switch, I did not blather in this blog about my bathtub in my other hotel room. It was something special, and something I did not expect from a Super 8. Take a look …
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