Rudolph, The Lame-Ass Lawyer

Rudy Giuliani was born as Rudolph Giuliani. Yesterday’s holiday-themed post featured a Giuliani tweet, and it got me thinking of a festive holiday parody song featuring him. No, not White Power Christmas, Arrest Ye Guilty Gentlemen, or even O Flip All Ye Guilty. I’m talking about …

Wait, what? You know already? Oh right, the damn title of this blog post. So much for suspense, and the same goes for Mike Pence. Sorry, been doing too much rhyming. Without further ado, here is Rudolph, The Lame-Ass Lawyer.

Rudolph, The Lame-Ass Lawyer

You know Kasowitz and Cohen and McGahn and Ty Cobb
Goldberg and Sekulow and John Dowd and Flo-od.
But can you come up
With the lamest-ass lawyer of Trump?

Rudolph the Lame-Ass Lawyer
Has a very shiny head
And if you ever saw him
You would say he looks half dead

All of the other lawyers
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any courtroom games

Then one foggy indictment Eve
Trumpy came to say
“Rudolph, with your brain so small
Won’t you say ‘No Collusion’ to all?”

Then how the lawyers loathed him
As they shouted out with glee
“Rudolph the Lame-Ass Lawyer
Lies for Trump on TV”