No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Yesterday, my wife calmly pointed out a bee/wasp/hornet on her pillow. Like one of Pavlov’s conditioned dogs, I reached for a tissue, gathered the creature in its folds, and took it outside to set it free. I guess technically it was free inside our house, and I was the one who imprisoned it in a tissue, so is that really setting it free? It’s kind of like when Donald Trump signs a heinous Executive Order, chaos ensues, and then he “fixes” the problem by revoking the order, most likely because some circuit court judge ordered him to do so.

Anyway, my wife’s pillow was bee/wasp/hornet-free when she was ready for bed last night. We both slept soundly, with my sounds being mostly snores. That was until I felt a sharp pain in my arm, like a deranged acupuncturist was loose in our bedroom. I groggily reached for the area, grabbed something, threw it on my nightstand, and went back to a fitful sleep. I dreamed I had a stinging pain in my arm the rest of the night. Meanwhile, my wife dreamed she was married to a pain in the neck for the rest of her life.

In the morning, I awoke to this …

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Trump Takes

Donald Trump cares. He knows we don’t have as much time as he does to watch television and tweet about what he just saw on Fox and Friends. He is always trying to help us through Twitter. He just helped us again. He knows we may not be able to keep up with all the times he obstructed justice during interviews, press conferences, rallies, statements, and tweets. Just in case we forgot that he has obstructed justice, we are grateful that he dropped this tweet on us …

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Flies On Washington Walls #123

FOWW Blank #123 McCain Death

I Spy, Part 2

Yesterday, we all decided that I was well-suited to forge a new career as a spy. But for what country or group? ISIS would be easy. They’ll recruit any nutjob like me. Well, I certainly am NOT going to be doing any spying for ISIS for one very important reason.

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Kenya? You betcha!

Donald Trump’s meeting with the President of Kenya caught my eye today.

Kenyatta

What caught my eye is that the President of Kenya has the last name of Kenyatta. That almost sounds like one of the dopes in the Trump administration set up a phony meeting with a phony foreign world leader to make it look like Trump is actually doing work. They couldn’t think to research the actual Kenyan president’s name, so they just used a derivative of the word Kenya. Kind of like President Usanski of the USA. But I did some exhaustive research (10 seconds of Googling), and sure enough, the President of Kenya is named Uhuru Kenyatta. Uhuru is a Swahili word meaning freedom, so it is actually kind of a cool name. The only way it would be a better first name if it was Swahili for “I don’t know what nonsense that idiot Trump is trying to sell me, but I’m not buying it.”

I Spy, Part 1

I was indoctrinated to the world of spying and international espionage at a very young age through shows like I Spy.

Spy I

Bill Cosby? Yes, that Bill Cosby! Maybe he first learned about roofies when doing his research about spying for the show.

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Flies On Washington Walls #122 – Special Senator John McCain Multi-Panel Memorial Edition

FOWW #122a John McCain.jpg

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Penning a Classic

I received this pen as a gift last summer.

trump-pen-front-copy.jpg

Maybe I should clarify. This pen was given to me at a summer party last year because the owner threw up in his mouth every time he looked at it. I gladly grabbed it. The 8 sayings are listed on the back …

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It’s Just a Fantasy

In 1980, a young Billy Joel sang, “But sometimes a fantasy is all you need.”

I needed some sort of fantasy back in the 1980’s after my hometown football team, the Chicago Bears, won only one Super Bowl rather than the two or three we were expecting out of that talented team. I got hooked on the one thing that could make me feel okay about the lack of Super Bowl rings for the Bears.

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Not Viral, but …

Several of my children were visiting a few days ago to celebrate one of their birthdays, although I swear that we celebrate more kid birthdays than the number of kids I have. I asked my eldest daughter who is Twitter-savvy about how many Likes or Retweets are needed for a tweet to be considered to have gone viral. She replied, “Thousands.”

The reason I asked is because of this tweet of mine …

My Tweet Likes

It caught me by surprise that 146 people would like this tweet because it is a fairly inconsequential tweeted response to Rep Eric Swalwell of California and the dude who runs MadDog PAC that sells great anti-Trump swag to fund anti-Trump billboards across the country. It is so inconsequential that I have elected not to even show the whole tweet. If you really want to see it, follow me on Twitter @jim_flanigan. I recommend against it.

But then, what really surprised me was this …

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Aw Shoot, Back to School

Is anyone really happen about going back to school? Teachers gripe about the students. Students gripe about basically everything, but especially school and teachers. But the investigative team at Jim Flanigan Looks at the World found one group that is thrilled with school back in session. The one group eager for school to resume is potential school shooters.

We gathered a group of people who self-identify as potential shooters to try and understand why school resuming makes them happy.

gun people

Their faces have been hidden, but don’t worry, you will likely see them on the news soon. We asked them all to express their feelings about children being back in school. Continue reading “Aw Shoot, Back to School”

Kicks on 66 – Litchfield

I knew it was going to be a rough business trip this week when I awoke on Tuesday morning, threw back the drapes on my hotel room window, and saw this …

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Great (?) White North

My wife and I have discussed moving to Canada should we and the rest of the sane people in this nation be unable to wrest control of the country back from the madman in charge today. However, I have second thoughts when I see Canadian news articles like this …

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Icarus, Revisited

This news blurb caught my eye as I glanced at the Internetsphere …

Flight to Sun

Problem?

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Flies On Washington Walls #121 – Special Multi-Panel Demonstration Edition

FOWW #121a Unite the Right

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And Under the Trump Bus Goes Don Jr.

I saw this tweet in real time this morning. I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading.

Trump Tweet Meeting

I had no reply to tweet because I was not prepared for Trump Sr. throwing his son under the bus the way he did. Trump Sr. appears to use the “I didn’t do it, but my son did” defense.

I can only speculate on the conversation this tweet generated.

Jr: Oh father, I feel quite uncomfortable with my head resting under the bus tire.

Sr: Don’t worry. They’ll provide you a pillow in prison.

Stupidnova

When a star explodes, it is called a supernova and it is magnificent.

supernova.gif

Editor’s Note: This is a conceptualization only. No actual stars were destroyed in the making of this blog post.

However, Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was recently destroyed. Take a look …

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Flies On Washington Walls #120 – Special Multimedia Edition

FOWW #120a Bald Eagle

Trump eagle attack

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Top 5 Trumpcabulary Words

Not much good has come of Donald Trump being in the White House. One of the few benefits has been the highlighting of some heretofore overlooked words in our vernacular. In this blog post, I will reveal the Top 5 Trumpcabulary Words and their meanings.

None of these words has come from Trump himself. His vocabulary is as limited as “likes” for my blog posts. One of Trump’s favorite “big boy” words he uses frequently is reciprocal, which of course refers to the number of calories in a specific recipe.

But the more interesting words that have wormed their way into common parlance have not come from Trump, but from others. So without further ado, here are the Top 5 Trumpcabulary Words and their definitions so that you can impress your friends with your grasp of today’s hot Trumpish jargon.

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