Trump Circus Visits Another Holiday Inn

Hmmm, what is it about Holiday Inns and Trump circus events recently? Steve Bannon performed his white nationalist act to an almost empty Holiday Inn in Topeka, Kansas recently. And now 2 pro-Trump, anti-Mueller clowns performed their disappearing victim magic trick at a Holiday Inn in DC.

Meet Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman, GOP operatives, if by operatives, I mean morons.

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On the left, Jacob Wohl is a 20-year-old disgraced former hedge fund manager who earned a lifetime ban on futures trading and has since turned himself into a Trump-supporting conspiracy theorist online. On the right, Jack Burkman held a press conference with his pants fly open.

They were there to present a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of Russia Special Counsel Robert Mueller, a very serious charge.

  • Except the victim did not appear.
  • Except the firm leading the investigation has a phone number that goes to Jacob Wohl’s mom’s cell phone. (Wohl to mom, “Mom, I hate you. You know you are supposed to answer your phone as Surefire Intelligence.”)
  • Except Surefire Intelligence’s website shows fake employees with stock photos.
  • Except there is evidence that Robert Mueller was somewhere else the day of the alleged assault.
  • Except there was a Trump Rat Truck in the parking lot visible from the window of the press conference room.

Wait, what?

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Steve Bannon’s Halloween Nightmare

It wasn’t too long ago that former Trump adviser Steve Bannon had thoughts of using his lofty position in the Trump Administration as a possible jumping off spot for a future run at the presidency. He did have the ear of the most powerful and moronic man in the world, Donald Trump.

US-POLITICS-TRUMP-STAFF

 

And then, just like that, Bannon was gone from the Trump Administration. And last night, on All Hallows’ Eve Eve, Steve Bannon found himself facing his worst Halloween nightmare here …

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Meet Jeff Fortenberry *stifled chuckle*

Jeff Fortenberry is a member of the House of Representatives from the state of Nebraska. And he’s got a funny name. You know how you want to say his last name. Go ahead, say it. I know you just said it. It is funny, isn’t it? But you know what’s not funny? Violence and vandalism. See Jeff’s tweet below.

fartenberry tweet crop

Except, when it looks like this …

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Mite Not Be Funny Musical Interlude

Mite Be Funny Special Shooting Edition

Fantasy Exhaustion

Last week, my family league’s fantasy football team’s perfect record was finally blemished. I should have expected nothing less than a blemished record from the Manfart’s Mugshots.

Manafort Mugshots

That’s right, my team, under the name Manafart’s Mugshots, finally won. My streak of losses to start the season has been broken. Too bad it was a win against my liberal niece from Colorado and not against one of my Trump-loving relatives.

I have changed the team name almost every week except for the week that I kept the Baby Blimps around for an extra one because of what I received in the mail. Spoiler alert – not a pipe bomb. Now where do we go from here for the team name and logo?

Inspired once again by Donald Trump and the promises he has made, I present to you …

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Sticker Shock II

If this is Sticker Shock II, should I rename my first post from earlier today as Sticker Shock I? I did not. Anyway, they have identified the bomber as Cesar Sayoc Jr.

cesar soyac

If there is a Cesar Sayoc Sr., I am sure he is so proud. But not about his son’s bombmaking skills. Thankfully, none have detonated. I’m guessing he took his bombmaking course at Trump University.

I hear that as late as 2012, he lived with his mother. That’s always either noble or weird for a 50 year old guy living with his mom. And he was working for a travelling male dance review. If I had to make the choice about living with his mom, I’m going to lean towards weird after hearing about his job.

I checked the genealogy of the Sayoc name. It appears that he is likely Filipino. Does that rule him out as a ‘white’ male? Will Trump vow to stop the caravan of migrants from the Philippines? Does Trump know the Philippines are not in Central America?

We now have a closer look at the van …

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Sticker Shock

Thank God they arrested someone in connection with the recent attempted pipe bombings. I hear he was a white male in his 50’s.

shock mild

Here is a picture of the man’s van that has also been taken away.

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Flies On Washington Walls #128

FOWW #128a Migrants

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Explosive Story

Breaking News …

Jim Flanigan Looks at the World has exclusively obtained a picture of the potentially explosive package sent to the Clintons, but intercepted by authorities …

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Tall Tales of Fact & Fantasy

I was really pleased with the name and logo I chose for my winless fantasy football team in my family’s league last week … Supreme Injustices.

Injustice crop

For this week, I wanted to feature Paul Manafort, especially after hearing that he made a court appearance sitting in a wheelchair in prison clothes while missing a shoe. When I think of Manafort in a wheelchair, I start wishing for this …

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WWOWW

I am not a title stutterer. That WWOWW stands for the Wonderful Women Of Wildrose & Wildwood, a couple of the neighborhoods in the 8th Precinct of St Charles Township. Those women hijacked my 8th Precinct last weekend. I was a willing hijackee, or would that be a hijackass in my case?

As the elected Democratic Precinct Committeeperson in the 8th Precinct of St Charles Township, my sole job is to get Democrats in the precinct to vote. It means a lot of walking, knocking on doors, talking to people, begging people, bribing people, threatening people, distributing candidate & voting literature, and trying not to get bit by dogs or Republicans or snakes, as if you could tell the difference between the last two mentioned.

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Flies On Washington Walls #127

FOWW #127 DNA

FOWW #127a DNA

 

FOWW 127b DNA

A Picture is Worth 120 Indictments

As seen on 60 Minutes, now hanging in the White House is this …

Republican Prez Pic

I guess they were out of the picture of dogs playing poker.

I really do think it is magnanimous of Donald Trump to display a painting of Alec Baldwin’s characterization of Trump. I mean, that can’t possibly be Trump, unless he has hidden about 60 pounds of flab behind him. Maybe that’s what his right arm is holding. If that is the case, poor Gerald Ford.

That picture represents 120 indictments and 89 prison sentences. I don’t expect that number to grow. Oh, you seem surprised. I mean, I don’t think Alec Baldwin or his people are going to get into enough trouble to generate indictments.

 

Mite Be Funny #88 – Special Kanye Gif Edition

Mite Be Funny #88 Kanye

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Justice is a Fantasy

I had planned on renaming my family league’s 0-5 winless fantasy football team this week  from the Baby Blimps …

Baby blimp

to the Losingest Losers of Loserville. I swear I have played fantasy football before, and even won the league last season. Whatever could be distracting me?

For the Losingest Losers of Loserville, I could have used this team logo …

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I’m Smarter Than Brett Kavanaugh

I really do think I am smarter than Brett Kavanaugh. Sure, he went to Yale. I went to Elmhurst College, known ’round these parts as the Harvard of the Midwest. Harvard > Yale. That’s just a known made-up fact. Brett should understand all about known made-up facts.

There was a time when I qualified to join MENSA, the organization for geniuses, due to my ACT score. But I don’t want to use that rationale anymore since my two oldest children scored better than me, and I don’t want them to get swelled heads.

And speaking of swelled heads, mine is very large. How can I tell? Hats. They rarely fit me unless I shop at a haberdashery  catering to the hydrocephalic. This oversized noggin of mine must be filled with brains or brain-like substances, right?

But the real proof that I am smarter than Brett Kavanaugh is right here …

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Haley’s Vomit

haley resigns

Dangerous Politics

I encountered this dangerous-looking character while canvassing my neighborhood today on behalf of Democratic candidates.

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Well, Now What?

Now that Bart O’Kavanaugh has been confirmed to the US Supreme Court, I think we have learned a few things.

First, Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski deserves some respect. She listened to her constituents, and voted in a way to represent their wishes. I hear that useless bag of creepy skin filled with idiocy and oozing out word jumbles known as Sarah Palin is threatening to primary Murkowski in 2020. Newsflash! Murkowski was already primaried in the last Senate election in 2010 by her beloved Republican party, and she still won the general election as a freakin’ write-in candidate. Do you know how hard it is to spell Murkowski?

Q: What Democrat looks like a Republican, talks like a Republican, and votes like a Republican?

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RESIST! by Phone

I received this Emergency Presidential Alert on my phone the other day. As if I needed an alert to know we have an emergency in the country surrounding the presidency.

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I have resisted confirming it. I’m hoping that somewhere in the Trump administration, there is someone confused and concerned as to why I am not confirming receipt. RESIST!