I’m Smarter Than Brett Kavanaugh

I really do think I am smarter than Brett Kavanaugh. Sure, he went to Yale. I went to Elmhurst College, known ’round these parts as the Harvard of the Midwest. Harvard > Yale. That’s just a known made-up fact. Brett should understand all about known made-up facts.

There was a time when I qualified to join MENSA, the organization for geniuses, due to my ACT score. But I don’t want to use that rationale anymore since my two oldest children scored better than me, and I don’t want them to get swelled heads.

And speaking of swelled heads, mine is very large. How can I tell? Hats. They rarely fit me unless I shop at a haberdashery  catering to the hydrocephalic. This oversized noggin of mine must be filled with brains or brain-like substances, right?

But the real proof that I am smarter than Brett Kavanaugh is right here …

Website tweet

That’s great advice from former Star Trekker and known liberal rabble-rouser George Takei. Don’t believe him? Go visit www.brettkavanaugh.com. For those of you that are babies and don’t trust me enough to click on the links I offer, here’s a screenshot …

brett kavanaugh websiteGreat site, unless you are Brett Kavanaugh.

“And what about old Jimbo here?” he asked with a disturbing third person reference. Well, you are reading http://www.jimflanigan.com now, and I, and only I, control the drivel, snark, conspiracy theories, diatribes, idiocy, vendettas and crassness spread all over this website like jam over toast. I guess the downside is that there is drivel, snark, conspiracy theories, diatribes, idiocy, vendettas and crassness associated with this website and therefore my name, but what am I going to do, right? I could stop writing this blog. Please, hold your wildly enthusiastic applause at that suggestion until I deliver the poignant punchline. I could stop writing this blog, but Brett Kavanaugh can’t start believing his survivors. Heck, he can’t even admit to remembering them.

 

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