Justice is a Fantasy

I had planned on renaming my family league’s 0-5 winless fantasy football team this week  from the Baby Blimps …

Baby blimp

to the Losingest Losers of Loserville. I swear I have played fantasy football before, and even won the league last season. Whatever could be distracting me?

For the Losingest Losers of Loserville, I could have used this team logo …

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I’m Smarter Than Brett Kavanaugh

I really do think I am smarter than Brett Kavanaugh. Sure, he went to Yale. I went to Elmhurst College, known ’round these parts as the Harvard of the Midwest. Harvard > Yale. That’s just a known made-up fact. Brett should understand all about known made-up facts.

There was a time when I qualified to join MENSA, the organization for geniuses, due to my ACT score. But I don’t want to use that rationale anymore since my two oldest children scored better than me, and I don’t want them to get swelled heads.

And speaking of swelled heads, mine is very large. How can I tell? Hats. They rarely fit me unless I shop at a haberdashery  catering to the hydrocephalic. This oversized noggin of mine must be filled with brains or brain-like substances, right?

But the real proof that I am smarter than Brett Kavanaugh is right here …

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Well, Now What?

Now that Bart O’Kavanaugh has been confirmed to the US Supreme Court, I think we have learned a few things.

First, Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski deserves some respect. She listened to her constituents, and voted in a way to represent their wishes. I hear that useless bag of creepy skin filled with idiocy and oozing out word jumbles known as Sarah Palin is threatening to primary Murkowski in 2020. Newsflash! Murkowski was already primaried in the last Senate election in 2010 by her beloved Republican party, and she still won the general election as a freakin’ write-in candidate. Do you know how hard it is to spell Murkowski?

Q: What Democrat looks like a Republican, talks like a Republican, and votes like a Republican?

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FBI Not AOK

Based on the recent Brett Kavanaugh FBI “investigation,” I think the dictionary definition of FBI needs to be amended just a bit. I have added some additional spellings in red to the dictionary definition below.

FBI

Examples Word Origin
U.S. Government.
  1. Federal Bureau of Investigation: the federal agency charged with investigations for the Attorney General and with safeguarding national security.

Alternate spellings: FSB and GRU

Outdated spelling: KGB

 

Invisible Glasses

I am still scratching my head trying to figure out how all the Republican senators on the Judiciary Committee can turn their back on non-investigated sexual assault charges and vote to pass along SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh for a full Senate vote. Maybe it is because of the invisible glasses that Orrin Hatch wears that allows him to see the truth that we cannot see.

Hatch glasses.gif

Maybe it is because Lindsey Graham can’t imagine sexually assaulting a female. I wonder what kind of kompromat the Russians are holding over Graham’s head that have made him take such a 180 degree turn and become such a Trump toadie. Just look at the change …

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What I Learned From the Ford & Kavanaugh Testimony

Here’s what I took away from the testimony provided by Dr. Ford and Brett Kavanaugh.

  • Dr. Ford was calm, cool, and believable.
  • The hired interrogator for the Republicans, AZ prosecutor Rachel Mitchell, did more good for Dr. Ford than bad.
  • Rachel Mitchell did seem very intent on proving that Dr. Ford has flown on airplanes despite Dr. Gray’s claim that she has a fear of flying. I have anxiety over dental appointments, but still make them.
  • Lindsay Graham successfully auditioned for Attorney General. Careful what you wish for Lindsay.
  • I was confused by someone who was asked to revisit a sexual assault crying a lot less than someone who was perjuring himself.
  • Brett Kavanaugh likes beer, A LOT!
  • Brett Kavanaugh hates the idea of an FBI investigation, A LOT!
  • If Brett Kavanaugh is so belligerent and yells so much when he is sober, I hate to see him after a few drinks.
  • Who am I to say that Brett Kavanaugh didn’t have a few drinks as hearing prep?
  • Senators Chuck Grassley and Orrin Hatch are walking advertisements for term limits or at least a mandatory retirement age. Sorry Senator Leahy, but you would be collateral damage.

Despite what went on today at the hearing, and regardless of whether the Republicans decide to vote to confirm Brett Kavanaugh, I still think Attorney Michael Avenatti has a part to play in this pageant. Stay tuned.

 

Brett Kavanaught

When used as an adjective, the word ‘naught’ has these meanings …

naught

[nawt]
adjective
  1. lost; ruined.
  2. Archaicworthless; useless.
  3. Obsoletemorally bad; wicked.

I played a little fast and loose with Brett Kavanaugh’s name for the title of this blog post because he personifies that word’s definition now. His Supreme Court nomination appears to be lost and ruined. He will soon be viewed as worthless and useless to the conservative Republican’s cause. And if the accusations are true, he is morally bad and wicked, or at least was at one time. But that is not the problem I have with the Brett Kavanaugh SCOTUS nomination.

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Here’s Hoping Fantasy Becomes Reality

Another week, another loss for my family fantasy football team as I am now 0-2 in that league. Last week my team lost as the Hurricane Towels with this logo.

Trump Hurricane Paper Towels

Fortunately, Donald Trump’s visit to the hurricane-ravaged areas in the Carolinas this past week did not include tossing paper towels to the victims. Unfortunately, as he passed out meals, he was caught on video telling one victim to “Have a good time.” Yep, if being flooded and losing everything so that you have to accept meals from a career criminal is your cup of tea, I guess it could be a good time.

Week 3 of fantasy football is upon us, so I turned my attention to SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh for inspiration for a new team name. I had considered The KavaNaughties, but I felt that name was a bit too glib, and it trivialized and diminished the seriousness of his alleged felony sexual assault against Dr. Ford. Once again, as a Public Service Message in case Dr. Ford reads this blog (and why wouldn’t she?), I am pleased to mention that there is no statute of limitations for felony sexual assault in the State of Maryland. Just sayin.’

I am happy with the team name I chose that Brett Kavanaugh did inspire.

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You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man

The title of today’s blog post is a saying and a movie from the great comedian W.C. Fields, and I tested that saying the other day. I opened my car door in a parking lot and accidentally lightly tapped the car next to mine. I had the door in my control at all times and could immediately see that zero damage was done to either vehicle. I could also see the other vehicle was a Cadillac Escalade which I stereo-typically view as driven by a criminal, drug dealer or pimp.

 

cadillac escalade trump

Hmmm, maybe point proved. Anyway, the angry owner jumped out of the car, I assumed (hoped?) to sell me drugs or whatever.  However, he insisted I damaged his car. Where? There was no mark. I opened the door again close to his car. Nothing there where the two cars had kissed. He pointed to a spot about half an inch away. I insisted that could not be from my door. He insisted I did not understand the laws of physics. Well, he was right about that, but that did not explain why the spot on his car was white and my car is gray. He insisted I provide my insurance card and driver’s license. I refused.

I’m not a small guy, but this guy was big. He made me look small and old. Well, at least the old part was accurate. And he smoked unfiltered Camel cigarettes. I think that means he can rip me in half, but probably not be able to catch me to try.

I resisted. I have a lot of experience resisting the last year and a half. He threatened to call the police. I told him to go ahead. And then he called my bluff and made the call. Gulp.

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Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

Wow, that was quick. In one day, 65 women who knew smarmy SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh back in high school put together this letter and put their names to it.

Kavanaugh Letter

Names have been omitted to protect the naive.

I am not sure I could locate 65 women from my high school of over 4000 students who even remember me, or would publicly admit to it.

Am I a bad guy or just wildly unpopular in high school?

Of course, I also have not had a woman accuse me of sexual assault either. I am a math-lover, but in this case I would bend the arithmetic rules and admit that 1 > 65.