Tag: funny

Persist to Resist

~ Jim Flanigan

Well, Attorney General Barr did his job as a Trump lackey appointee and threw cold water on any Special Counsel Robert Mueller findings over the weekend. I think the passage of time will reveal some more positive takeaways, but for now, what do we do? This?

Belushi drinking

Okay, so I did a little of that myself on Sunday. The Mueller investigation was not the end game. It has spun off so many other investigations that will continue on. I also have a feeling that when House Democrats get their hands on the full Mueller report, maybe Trump will start to once again look a bit more collusiony and obstructiony when all the details are revealed.

So put down the bottle and ask yourself …

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Feed My Soul & …

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

We didn’t make it to church yesterday. My wife and I have become disenchanted with the conservative turn our church has taken. At the service last week, the associate pastor was saying a prayer after that horrible mass shooting in a mosque in New Zealand. I wanted him to say something, anything about “our Muslim brothers and sisters.” I would have even settled for “our heathen Muslim brothers and sisters.” Just something to let everyone in the congregation know that we are all the same and connected, despite our different individual beliefs. I was so hopeful as I waited. Nope, just a generic “thoughts and prayers” to generic New Zealanders. Rather than heading to church yesterday, we discussed the situation and made the decision to change churches.

So we are heading across the river to a church that we have heard is more accepting to other religions, sexual preferences, and even used car salesmen. As I took a look at their Easter service schedule, I became a bit concerned.

Easter 2.jpg

I’m hoping the sunrise service at the cemetery doesn’t mean they take the Easter story too seriously to the point of trying to recreate it. I don’t want to start Easter like this …

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Mite Be Funny #109 – Special Special (no, I’m not stutter-typing) Counsel Multi-Panel Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

Mite Be Funny #109a Robert Mueller

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I’m Burning Off My Head & Nobody Cares

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I’m burning off other parts of my body, too. And again, nobody cares. In fact, I just saw my dermatologist for my six month check-up, and when I told her about burning off my head and body bits, she gave me this …

Not listening.gif

I see her every six months for my cancer screening after she found and removed melanoma (skin cancer) from my back. At this point, I want to make it clear that this cancer survivor heartily welcomes, encourages, and appreciates your pity “Likes.” Go ahead, better click “Like” now before I die.

I have been cancer-free for almost five years now, and I do have a wicked-cool scar on my back. Although my family encourages me to NEVER remove my shirt, I do as often as possible to show-off the scar. My story for strangers sometimes strays from the truth of being a cancer survivor to being a kidney donor. I like to mix it up.

I was anxious to see my dermatologist since I was concerned about a few new spots on my back. I wanted to know if they were cancerous, or just seborrheic keratoses. That’s right, I also suffer from Seborrheic Keratosis. Sigh! Here’s a look …

SK2

That’s not so bad, right? Take a closer look … if you dare.

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Expectation vs. Reality

~ Jim Flanigan

My ten year old daughter and her friends often play a game of Expectation vs. Reality. They imagine the best result from some activity, and then they demonstrate the failed reality. For example, here is the dive they expect to do in the pool …

dive good

And then the reality they demonstrate is …

dive bad

Maybe not that bad. That looks painful. I don’t want my youngest and her friends hurt.

Trump supporters play this same game all day, every day. For example, this is their view of the “National Emergency.”

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Flies On Washington Walls #144

~ Jim Flanigan

FOWW #144a Bad Guys

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Concert Concerns

~ Jim Flanigan

Lollapalooza is one of the great annual music festivals in the world, taking place over 4 days on Chicago’s beautiful lakefront over the summer. Lolla Tip: Don’t wear flip-flops. It can get swampy even if it is not raining at that specific time.

Lollapalooza swampy.jpg

That may not be all rainwater. And if it does rain, well then, just go with the flow …

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Beto Be Ready

~ Jim Flanigan

Now that Beto O’Rourke is in the Democratic primary race, the rest of the field beto be ready for him. Get it? I know, that was a stretch. Sorry. But take a look at this real 2 acre crop circle in this field in Austin, Texas.

Beto Crop Circle

I guess you can say Beto is leading the field. Alright, I’ll stop.

 

A Sure Sign of Spring

~ Jim Flanigan

Oh, how I hate winter. I have complained about it in numerous posts, some even poetic. But now I have hope as there have been signs of winter fading and spring emerging. Forget the robins arriving and me scrambling to get my taxes done. Forget Daylight Savings Time and my winter weight magically starting to melt off (okay, that is so NOT happening). Forget that I’m starting to tap my neighbor’s maple trees for syrup. That may be illegal, but at least I’m not trying to tap my neighbor. There is another sure sign of spring specifically mentioned in the first of my many winter rants/posts on this blog …

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Mite Be Funny #108 – Special March Madness Multi-Panel Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

Mite Be Funny #108a March Madness

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New Music for Old Rockers – Special Mt. Joy Concert Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

The odds were against it happening. I was in my hotel room after dinner, slightly undressed (I know, ew), laying in bed, with Rachel Maddow coming on TV in minutes. There was maybe a 2% chance that I would get dressed and go by myself to see indie rockers Mt. Joy in concert. I know, you will not believe it if I tell you I beat the odds, but I did. I have proof.

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Time to Come Clean

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Being on the road again, I had hoped to bring you some Americana sightseeing tales and pics. However, inclement weather interceded, so I will bring you another travel tip. I know what you’re thinking, “Please, not another post about hotel soap.”

“But … but … hotel soap is an integral part of my business travel,” I protest. How about a Trumpy soap post? I know you want it. Let’s go.

When presented with 2 soap choices, always use the smaller one and take the larger soap home.soap1.jpg

Now, I know Trump supporters may struggle with how to determine which is larger and which is smaller. I’ll try and make it relatable for them.

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Is America Great or Not?

~ Jim Flanigan

I saw this on Twitter this morning …

Trump Tweet Maga2

What happened in that one minute to change America from having to be made great to being great? Maybe Fox & Friends said something. Maybe nothing. Maybe he is tooting his own horn while still trying to sell more of those MAGA caps. Maybe his brain just continues to melt into dementia.

Bible Babble

~ Jim Flanigan

This past Sunday, one of our church minister’s sermonized that children are a gift from God. I couldn’t believe I heard that, because normally I never hear any part of the sermon. In fact, I wrote my last post during the sermon. Anyway, that part of the sermon about children puzzled me, but not because I doubted the Bible has some verse like that. It seems to have a verse about everything. For example, I was considering supporting Senator Kamala Harris as the Democratic candidate for President, but …

Timothy 2:11 “I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent.”

Oh well, there are plenty of male candidates, so no worries.

I did check the Bible to see if children are truly a gift from God. Sure enough …

Psalm 127:3 “Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.”

In the course of raising five children, I have often questioned if my kids are gifts, then where are the gift receipts?

Oh well, if those “gifts” don’t work out and you can’t find the gift receipts, there’s always this child-rearing/bashing tip …

Psalm 137:9 “May the Lord bless everyone who beats your children against the rocks!”

So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

 

 

The Weighting Game

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

With the weather finally showing signs of Spring, I took some time to assess the weight-gain damage I inflicted upon myself this winter. It’s not good.

I topped out at 2 pounds higher than my former record, so I guess I set a new maximum weight record this winter. Yay?

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Winnowing the Candidates – Part 1 Revised – Pete’s Back, Back Pete

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Thankfully, South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg has taken his sweet time to officially announce he’s out of the Democratic race for President after I cut him last week. I’m certain he’s not ignoring me, and has just been getting his campaign in order before withdrawing gracefully from the race. Hold on, Mayor Pete. You’re back in.

My decision is partially because there was a winnowing of potential candidates that organically took place over the last week. Just take a look at this list that announced they are not running:

  • Michael Bloomberg. He will have to find solace with just being a billionaire and the 9th richest person in the world. Poor guy.
  • Hillary Clinton. She will have to be satisfied knowing that she could win the popular vote against Trump … again.
  • Senator Jeff Merkly. I like him even more after he pranked us with this video announcing he will not run.
  • Senator Sherrod Brown. He took Ben Carson’s advice at the 1:00 minute mark in this video, and he’ll be reprising Peter Falk’s role as Columbo in a new Broadway play. brown columbo 1
  • Former Attorney General Eric Holder. He is the main reason Mayor Pete is back in the race. I’ll explain.

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New Music for Old Rockers – Black Keys Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

Five years. I guess it could have been worse. It took Vampire Weekend six years to release new music. That’s right, this is the first new song from the Black Keys in five years. How did the Beatles crank out so many memorable albums in the span of just a few years? They were releasing albums less than one year apart. Good examples:

  • Rubber Soul – December, 1965
  • Revolver – August, 1966
  • Sgt. Pepper – June, 1967

That’s kind of crazy. They may have been just a bit more talented than Vampire Weekend and Black Keys combined. I know, the Vampires and Keys were busy with other stuff. Dan Auerbach from the Black Keys put out some very nice solo music. I can see that a solo album might take a year. But c’mon folks, make with the new music already. Are they so busy and tired because they have second jobs at night working the drive-thru at McDonald’s to make ends meet?

I guess times have changed and musicians don’t make their money off selling records with new songs like they used to. Now they make their money from touring. There is less incentive to make new music when you can tour and make mega-bucks playing old songs. Welcome to the digital age of music.

Speaking of the digital age of music, the new Black Keys tune Lo/Hi is available on YouTube …

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Kickin’ Some Ash

~ Jim Flanigan

I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, was an altar boy, got buzzed on sacramental wine, and even got a chance to leaf through a priest’s Playboy magazine while he looked on. That last one sounds worse than it was. There were lots of us young boys he let look at it. Okay, that sounds even worse. Nothing happened to me, except for being exposed to soft-core porn at a young age, which I wanted.

Anyway, getting ashes for Ash Wednesday was always a big deal when I was a kid. It was the one day I was allowed to go around with a dirty face. These days I’m technically a member of the Lutheran church, although also an ordained Dudeist minister, and really consider myself more of a Spiritual Humanist. Suffice to say that I am conflicted when it comes to religion, but not to faith. Hey, that’s kinda’ deep. This dude abides with deep thoughts.

I had no thought of getting ashes for Ash Wednesday yesterday. I didn’t even know it was Ash Wednesday until I saw some cable news guests with ashes on their foreheads.

ash cable

No matter how hard I tried, I didn’t hear a thing they said. I just kept staring at the ashes, wondering why they didn’t wash before going on TV. I was fascinated by the diversity of the ashes. There was the bold …

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Good vs Bad Ideas

~ Jim Flanigan

I fancy myself an idea person, although I readily admit that most of my ideas are bad. I like to think that I have had so many bad ideas in my life that I have become a pretty good judge of ideas. I’ll give you an example.

Area Democrats are marching in the local St. Patrick’s Day Parade this Saturday. I will be marching with my daughter, unless it is too cold, or rainy, or if she gets a better offer. Then I’ll be proudly walking without my daughter and just with my fellow Democrats, flipping off anyone in the crowd with a MAGA hat on. Just kidding. I wouldn’t do that. But a MAGA-hatted parade watcher was flipping off Democrats in the last parade I marched in. Those MAGAts are class acts.

Anyway, a fellow Democrat offered the following ideas for the parade via email …

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