Tag: funny

Pool Rules Confuse

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Although I was on a short business trip this week, I continued my swim across Lake Michigan by using the hotel pools, despite their confusing rules. For example, there was disinfectant spray all over the place in the workout areas. I get it. I support it. Until everyone gets vaccinated (get vaccinated!), we need to continue to take precautions. But what was I going to do with this spray in the pool area?

There really wasn’t anything for me to wipe down by the pool, but after some thought, I knew just what to do. I dumped the bottle into the pool. It seemed like the only logical thing to do.

The second pool had me confused as soon as I walked in and went to take a towel.

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New Music For Old Rockers – Taking a Walk in the Murder Capital of the USA Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

While on my recent business trip, I decided to take a walk on a treadmill in the fitness room of my hotel. Here’s the problem … I couldn’t figure out how to get there. It appeared that the elevator would take me to the 7th, 5th, 3rd, or 7th floors.

I took the stairs. Nobody takes the stairs in hotels with elevators. I don’t blame them. Elevators are fun. I like jumping in the elevator while it is moving. Yes, I got one stuck once. Oops.

Anyway, the stairs led me straight to the laundry room on the first floor. Oops, again. I saw a door and headed toward it, hoping it would take me to the hotel lobby. Nope. It was an exit. There I was, standing outside in St. Louis … the murder capital of the USA. Oops, thrice.

So, I made the bold decision to take this sage advice printed on my hotel room key packet.

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Dino-sore Loser

~ Jim Flanigan

In this weird, semi-post-COVID world (get vaccinated!), I took my first business trip in many months. There is a candy/fudge/antiques/junk store situated on historic Route 66 that I always pass on my way to and from St. Louis. It was good to see it again, except she was gone. By she, I mean this large statue of a woman that beautifully graced the front of the store for many years.

For me, there was always an air of mystery about what was under that skirt. I don’t ever recall looking, but I also don’t recall not looking. Well, the mystery is solved. She’s been replaced by a gruesome creature and relegated to lying in the parking lot in her polka dot panties. Take a look.

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Mite Be Funny #227 – Commemorating Juneteenth

~ Jim Flanigan

A Whale of a Forgotten One-Hit Wonder

~ Jim Flanigan

You may have heard about this recent story about a man swallowed by a whale that then spit him out.

No, not that “whale swallows man” story. This one that’s a bit more recent.

I want you to look very closely at the title of this video and at the very beginning of the video. What do you see?

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Facebook Hates Me

~ Jim Flanigan

I received this notification from Facebook.

I was hoping that Street Sweepers was a band or a political organization or anything other than this …

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I’m Swimming Across Lake Michigan

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 6 Comments

Well, not literally, but also not figuratively or metaphorically since I will actually be swimming. Maybe cumulatively is a better term. I should explain first about Lake Michigan for non-Midwestern United Staters.

Lake Michigan is one of the five Great Lakes.

What makes them so great? Well, they contain 21% of the world’s fresh water, duh! You can swim, surf, boat, fish, and not worry about jellyfish or shark attacks.

Except land sharks. They’re all over. Big nuisance.

I have personally enjoyed 4 of the 5 Great Lakes, so here’s my Great Lakes Ranking with reasons.

  • #5 Lake Erie – Too close to Cleveland and it has snakes in it.
  • #4 Lake Ontario – Too close to New York.
  • #3 Lake Superior – Gorgeous but very chilly.
  • #2 Lake Huron – Gorgeous and slightly less chilly than Lake Superior.
  • #1 Lake Michigan – The only Great Lake that the US doesn’t have to share with Canada. Also, some gorgeous beaches, especially on the Michigan side. And the way that Lake Michigan is situated north-south makes for great sunrises seen from the western shore and great sunsets seen from the eastern shore. It’s also the warmest Great Lake, especially around Chicago.

And so, I have decided to swim across Lake Michigan this summer. Here’s how I’m going to do it.

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Mite Be Funny #226 – Debating Presidential Dead Skin Flakes

~ Jim Flanigan

New Music For Old Rockers & Forgotten One-Hit Wonders – Combo Heat Wave Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

It’s been very hot in Chicagoland, especially out west where we live. We’ve had a stretch of heat with highs daily around 90F/32C. And this weekend, we have 2 outdoor parties. How will I cope with the heat? Two words – crop top.

A nice bare midriff will keep me from being a Hot Child in the City, which just happens to be the name of our Forgotten One-Hit Wonder by Nick Gilder.

It’s kind of a mess of a music video about the exploitation of teenage runaways. I’m not a big fan of the song either. I just included it because of the heat theme. No wonder this feature doesn’t normally get many likes. The real point to this post is this newish song …

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Post-Election Disappointment

~ Jim Flanigan

I attended my first monthly meeting as an elected Township Trustee. I have been somewhat disappointed. While I discovered that I now have an official nameplate which is very nice, I learned that I will NOT be receiving any of the following:

  • Badge
  • Uniform
  • Cap
  • Gun

The disappointment is hard to hide, so I don’t even try. I openly weeped through most of the monthly meeting. But then, my spirits were lifted when this arrived for me …

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Vary Your Workouts

~ Jim Flanigan

It’s important to vary your workouts to keep them interesting. I have some wonderful walking routes that take me down paths to creeks, through the woods, and over hill & dale. However, Dale always complains when I walk over her.

But this morning, the thought of trodding the same paths bored me. I decided to take a couple normal paths through prairie and woods, but then come home via the local business park. Wow, doesn’t that sound exciting? Well, it didn’t disappoint as the first interesting thing I saw was the miracle of life taking place. I took this picture …

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Mite Be Funny #225 – Measuring Intelligence

~ Jim Flanigan

Weight News Not Worth The Wait

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

There are those who experience some weight loss, can’t seem to lose any more, and accept that they may have to be comfortable at that weight. But who has 2 thumbs and won’t accept that?

That’s right. For the second month in a row, I have maintained weight but not lost any.

I know, and I agree. My dreams of losing 10 more pounds by the end of summer are gone. That is just unrealistic now. Maybe if I can try for a pound a month June through September, I can get to a slightly lower weight than at the end of last summer. Would that be cause to celebrate?

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Flies On Washington Walls #193 – Musical Matt Gaetz

~ Jim Flanigan

Hats Off

~ Jim Flanigan

At the height of the pandemic, I ordered some PPE items directly from China for resale through my medical equipment sales company. It was a modest success and good experience ordering direct from China suppliers. At about the same time, my electric shaver died, as had my income because of the pandemic. I ordered a new shaver from China at about half the price of a Norelco. It works! That’s about all I’m willing to say about it. It functions as it should. Nothing special.

When I wanted to purchase a 10 gallon Stetson hat during the pandemic, I found them to be very expensive.

So, I looked once again to China to see if I could find a deal on a similar “Stetsen” or “Stetzon” hat at a fraction of that price. I was successful and eagerly placed my order, Unfortunately, I was ultimately disappointed when it arrived. Due to China’s use of the metric system, the hat I received is a 38 liter hat rather than 10 gallon.

Wow, that was a long way to travel for a bad dad joke. That’s for coming along for the ride.

Mulch Ado About Nothing #13 – Gone to the Dogs

~ Jim Flanigan
SONY DSC

Mite Be Funny #224 – Stormy Weather

~ Jim Flanigan

Banking on Sushi

~ Jim Flanigan

I am starting to think my priorities are out of whack. I find that I’m planning my business banking on the day that a local store that houses a branch of my business bank offers discount sushi.

Frankly, I’m not sure bargain raw fish is ever a good idea, but it was delicious.

And now I’m sad because writing about sushi reminds me that I never saw Fee Waybill and The Tubes in concert.

But they are still touring …

Lollapalooza Doppelganger

~ Jim Flanigan

I recently dedicated a blog post to Lollapalooza, so I wanted to be fair and give some free blog publicity to an event hosted by the My Pillow guy that I think is most accurately called Loserpalooza.

I’m currently not busy that day, but I swear I’ll find something, anything to do that doesn’t involve seeing that train wreck. However, that didn’t stop me from getting these …

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Is Chicago Dangerous?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

In my real life, I have a customer who is terrified of Chicago. I’m guessing he listened to Trump and Fox News as they have framed Chicago like a war zone. My customer would always warn me about staying away from Chicago. We love to visit the city, and have never felt in danger. Chicago is truly one of the great cities in the world. I finally told my customer in no uncertain terms about what a wonderful city Chicago is, and I haven’t heard anything about Chicago from him since then. Good! If I want to hear lies, I’ll tune in directly to Fox News.

Look, Chicago is a big city, and murders happen, mostly with guns coming from deep red Republican Indiana. Damn Hoosiers! Chicago has almost 2.7 million people within its city limits including my 2 oldest children. They live in a neighborhood that 30 years ago was dangerous. Now, that neighborhood is absolutely delightful … except for the rats. The rats chewed through wiring in my son’s car, and my daughter has seen rats in her apartment’s basement while doing laundry. I noticed this rat-related sign during our last visit to see our kids in Chicago.

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