Continue reading “Mite Be Funny #86” →
Mite Be Funny #86
Author: Jim Flanigan
Fantasy Flight
Last weekend I led my winless family fantasy football team into battle as the KavaNots.
This weekend, my team is still winless, but heading into week 4 with a new team name and logo …
Invisible Glasses
I am still scratching my head trying to figure out how all the Republican senators on the Judiciary Committee can turn their back on non-investigated sexual assault charges and vote to pass along SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh for a full Senate vote. Maybe it is because of the invisible glasses that Orrin Hatch wears that allows him to see the truth that we cannot see.
Maybe it is because Lindsey Graham can’t imagine sexually assaulting a female. I wonder what kind of kompromat the Russians are holding over Graham’s head that have made him take such a 180 degree turn and become such a Trump toadie. Just look at the change …
What I Learned From the Ford & Kavanaugh Testimony
Here’s what I took away from the testimony provided by Dr. Ford and Brett Kavanaugh.
- Dr. Ford was calm, cool, and believable.
- The hired interrogator for the Republicans, AZ prosecutor Rachel Mitchell, did more good for Dr. Ford than bad.
- Rachel Mitchell did seem very intent on proving that Dr. Ford has flown on airplanes despite Dr. Gray’s claim that she has a fear of flying. I have anxiety over dental appointments, but still make them.
- Lindsay Graham successfully auditioned for Attorney General. Careful what you wish for Lindsay.
- I was confused by someone who was asked to revisit a sexual assault crying a lot less than someone who was perjuring himself.
- Brett Kavanaugh likes beer, A LOT!
- Brett Kavanaugh hates the idea of an FBI investigation, A LOT!
- If Brett Kavanaugh is so belligerent and yells so much when he is sober, I hate to see him after a few drinks.
- Who am I to say that Brett Kavanaugh didn’t have a few drinks as hearing prep?
- Senators Chuck Grassley and Orrin Hatch are walking advertisements for term limits or at least a mandatory retirement age. Sorry Senator Leahy, but you would be collateral damage.
Despite what went on today at the hearing, and regardless of whether the Republicans decide to vote to confirm Brett Kavanaugh, I still think Attorney Michael Avenatti has a part to play in this pageant. Stay tuned.
Polish News, Parts 1 & 2
Polish News Part 1
I made my first women’s cosmetic purchase for myself recently, and I have to admit I sort of liked cosmetics shopping. Why did I start to shop for women’s cosmetics after all these years? I got tired of using my 10 year old daughter’s nail polish because it is just a bit too sparkly for my taste.
That’s my broken fingernail with just a bit of added sparkly pizzazz. My daughter’s polish did the job. I have a cracked nail and I need to cover it up and buy some time while it grows and heals. But I need to polish it almost every day, and each application of polish added new sparkles. So I went nail polish shopping.
I got to rub elbows with the ladies in the cosmetics aisle at the local store. After I assured store security that I would stop rubbing lady’s elbows, I got back to the business of choosing a nail polish. Can I get a drumroll before the big reveal of what I purchased?
Make America Smart Again
I know there are people who want America to be great again. I am thankful for that, because it really has been such a shitshow recently. I am understandably a bit nervous since the people who have turned America into a shitshow are the same people promising to make America great again.
As for me, I just want America to be smarter. Case in point is this letter I received. This shows America in all its glorious dumbosity, not just in one way, but several that I will enumerate for you.
Stop Laughing at Us
Hey World, stop laughing at us. We knew you’ve been doing it. We tried to ignore your titters and giggles at moments like this when Donald Trump showed off his tiny hands that could barely hold a bottle of water.
Or when he looked directly at an eclipse with no eye protection.
Or when the biggest cover-up in Washington, DC history gets exposed from time to time.
However, your sounds of mirth were often drowned out by your gasps of horror at times like these.
Flies On Washington Walls #126
Brett Kavanaught
When used as an adjective, the word ‘naught’ has these meanings …
naught
[nawt]
- lost; ruined.
- Archaic. worthless; useless.
- Obsolete. morally bad; wicked.
I played a little fast and loose with Brett Kavanaugh’s name for the title of this blog post because he personifies that word’s definition now. His Supreme Court nomination appears to be lost and ruined. He will soon be viewed as worthless and useless to the conservative Republican’s cause. And if the accusations are true, he is morally bad and wicked, or at least was at one time. But that is not the problem I have with the Brett Kavanaugh SCOTUS nomination.
Mite Be Funny #85
Anticipated Trump Tweet
Here’s Hoping Fantasy Becomes Reality
Another week, another loss for my family fantasy football team as I am now 0-2 in that league. Last week my team lost as the Hurricane Towels with this logo.
Fortunately, Donald Trump’s visit to the hurricane-ravaged areas in the Carolinas this past week did not include tossing paper towels to the victims. Unfortunately, as he passed out meals, he was caught on video telling one victim to “Have a good time.” Yep, if being flooded and losing everything so that you have to accept meals from a career criminal is your cup of tea, I guess it could be a good time.
Week 3 of fantasy football is upon us, so I turned my attention to SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh for inspiration for a new team name. I had considered The KavaNaughties, but I felt that name was a bit too glib, and it trivialized and diminished the seriousness of his alleged felony sexual assault against Dr. Ford. Once again, as a Public Service Message in case Dr. Ford reads this blog (and why wouldn’t she?), I am pleased to mention that there is no statute of limitations for felony sexual assault in the State of Maryland. Just sayin.’
I am happy with the team name I chose that Brett Kavanaugh did inspire.
You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man
The title of today’s blog post is a saying and a movie from the great comedian W.C. Fields, and I tested that saying the other day. I opened my car door in a parking lot and accidentally lightly tapped the car next to mine. I had the door in my control at all times and could immediately see that zero damage was done to either vehicle. I could also see the other vehicle was a Cadillac Escalade which I stereo-typically view as driven by a criminal, drug dealer or pimp.
Hmmm, maybe point proved. Anyway, the angry owner jumped out of the car, I assumed (hoped?) to sell me drugs or whatever. However, he insisted I damaged his car. Where? There was no mark. I opened the door again close to his car. Nothing there where the two cars had kissed. He pointed to a spot about half an inch away. I insisted that could not be from my door. He insisted I did not understand the laws of physics. Well, he was right about that, but that did not explain why the spot on his car was white and my car is gray. He insisted I provide my insurance card and driver’s license. I refused.
I’m not a small guy, but this guy was big. He made me look small and old. Well, at least the old part was accurate. And he smoked unfiltered Camel cigarettes. I think that means he can rip me in half, but probably not be able to catch me to try.
I resisted. I have a lot of experience resisting the last year and a half. He threatened to call the police. I told him to go ahead. And then he called my bluff and made the call. Gulp.
Flies On Washington Walls #125
The Day the Music Died – Part 2, Sunday
Despite missing out on concert nirvana on Saturday, I awoke Sunday morning knowing that I would be at a concert that night, for free, accompanied by my lovely wife and complaining 10 year old daughter. When we dragged our youngest to a Cheap Trick concert, the only part she enjoyed was the raccoon working the trash can.
I knew that traffic would be negligible and parking would be free since the show would be in our local concert hall. I had received the good news on Saturday.
Now what the heck is The Rising? It sounds a bit like a Stephen King movie.
The Day the Music Died – Part 1, Saturday
There is a line in Don McLean’s song, American Pie, about “the day the music died.” For me, it should have been “the days the music died” which perfectly described this past weekend for me. My 2018 concert summer experience was just showing signs of life with September concerts by Cheap Trick and Rare Earth. This past Saturday, I had a chance to make 2018 a memorable concert summer.
Chicago is a city chock full o’ of summer music festivals, and Riot Fest came to town this past weekend. No, it is not a celebration of the 1968 Democratic National Convention held in Chicago between riots. It’s an incredible 3-day music festival. I could have seen Weezer headline Friday night, and I thought it would be cool on Sunday to see Debbie Harry bring Blondie to Riot Fest to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the release of their great album Parallel Lines. But I couldn’t believe the line-up of artists I could see on Saturday. I could spend about 7 hours there in music heaven wandering from stage to stage to see favorites. Take a look at this line-up …
Continue reading “The Day the Music Died – Part 1, Saturday”
Mite Be Funny #84 – Special Multi-Panel Health Tip Edition
Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?
Wow, that was quick. In one day, 65 women who knew smarmy SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh back in high school put together this letter and put their names to it.
Names have been omitted to protect the naive.
I am not sure I could locate 65 women from my high school of over 4000 students who even remember me, or would publicly admit to it.
Am I a bad guy or just wildly unpopular in high school?
Of course, I also have not had a woman accuse me of sexual assault either. I am a math-lover, but in this case I would bend the arithmetic rules and admit that 1 > 65.
Fantasy Meets Hurricane Reality
Each week I am changing my family league fantasy football team name and logo to tweak my Trump-loving relatives in the league. Last week, this guy’s mug was the logo for my team, the Mueller Marauders.
You can read the details HERE.
This week, I was stymied. I had a team name of the Sanders Raised Eyebrows planned, but there is a character limit on team names. “Mine is too long,” I said for the first time ever.
However, I am happy with my alternate choice for this week.
Flies On Washington Walls #124
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 