Weight, Hair, & Election Losses

I normally like to wait a day or two after the end of the month to announce my weight loss for the month. I check my weight for several days in a row before and after the last day of the month to verify that I actually did lose weight that month. But here we are a week into May, and I’m still not sure. My weight bounced around like a ping pong ball at a college fraternity beer pong tournament. Up several pounds one day and down a pound the next. A week into May, and about the only statement I am comfortable making is that I didn’t lose any weight. I’m still staring at losing 10 pounds by the end of warm weather in the fall.

My weight loss plan was at a serious disadvantage in April with Easter coming early in the month. My plan to deal with all the chocolate in the house at Easter was to eat it all as quickly as possible. Success!

Easter was quickly followed two days later by the local election that I lost but still won. Yes, third runner-up was enough to be elected. I felt like a kid at a rec league soccer tournament where everyone gets a trophy. But I think it’s official now that this came in the mail …

It makes me kind of wish I didn’t call the election rigged before votes were actually cast and counted. Being voted for and against increased my anxiety level, and all that Easter chocolate in the house was used to ease my anxiety and made for easy weight gain by the end of the first week in April.

My steps didn’t go so well early in April as the weather was cool, and my hands were too sticky and messy from all the chocolate to tie my shoelaces. But a very warm last week of the month salvaged April for me as I got out and got active. My April steps continued a slow ramp up.

May is looking up as I hope to flirt with breaking the 10K steps a day average for the month. But it’s been busy recently including a 4.5 hour round trip yesterday to help my middle daughter move out of her last college apartment. She graduated … with honors … with 2 majors … and 2 minors.

So, why is it the thing I remember most about her graduation is that we saw she had broken her apartment window to break into it after she locked her keys inside?

Oh, and somehow the stove also was broken during the break-in. I was thrilled yesterday to see the window was fixed and stove replaced without me writing a check.

Back to my weight loss, I had high hopes of combining weight loss and hair restoration as I visited my dermatologist today. I visit my dermatologist twice a year to check for any recurrence of skin cancer. Normally, these biannual visits result in parts of me being frozen off or cut away for biopsies. I tried today. I pointed out this spot and that nodule. Nope. I’m clean today. No sign of skin cancer. Bad, blotchy skin, but no cancer. Nothing removed from my body which means no bonus weight loss requiring no effort on my part.

It also means no hair restoration. I pitched this plan to my dermatologist:

  • She identifies some potential skin cancers in areas where I have body hair like, well, everywhere. But maybe she can focus on my arms or chest.
  • She takes biopsies, but she takes a much larger biopsy than needed.
  • She cuts away a small piece for the actual biopsy.
  • She cuts up the remaining portion into tiny pieces that she implants into my scalp.

She was hesitant to embrace the plan. I think it was the insurance fraud part of the plan that made her nervous. Maybe that’s why she didn’t find any suspicious spots to biopsy. Maybe she’s willing to overlook my cancer and ignore my hair loss so she doesn’t go to prison. Selfish.

I had to remind her that I am now a St. Charles Township Trustee. Her office is in St. Charles Township. I came close to threatening to shut her skin game down if she didn’t perform the skin cancer biopsy hair restoration procedure on me, but as an alternative, she offered to buy and read my book of short stories. I gave her the link to my book on Amazon. And if you, the reader, don’t want me to shut you down (I honestly don’t know what that means), you know what to do. Click here now … www.bit.ly/beyondtales.

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