Sergeant Flanigan?

After the upcoming primary election in a week, area Democrats will get together the following month for a unifying convention. Yay! Party time!


It could be as contentious as shown in the pic after an increasingly nasty primary campaign, but I do not expect it to look that fun or weird. I am excited that there may be a new opportunity for me to rise up the ladder in the Democratic Party.

Apparently, we will have positions to fill for the St Charles Democrats. Our current Chairman told us that the following positions will be voted for …

Chairperson, First Vice Chair, Second Vice Chair, Treasurer, Recording Secretary, Sargent at Arms, and Parliamentarian.

There is no way I want his job as Chairperson. He actually does work. I love how he used Chairperson rather than Chairman. That is just so Democrat.

First Vice Chair sounds intriguing due to the vice part. Hmmm.

Second Vice Chair sounds like I would be engaging in vice-related activities after the First Vice Chair finished. That sounds less appealing.

Treasurer sounds like it could be my first step on the road to embezzlement. Pass.

Recording Secretary sounds like a lot of work. Pass.

Then we get to the interesting positions.

Sergeant at Arms. Now we’re talking. This position is basically a bouncer with the sole job of keeping order during meetings. I would immediately seek to expand the job function to include ID checks at the door and taking a cover charge. Eventually I envision instituting a 2 drink minimum.

Parliamentarian. I think this position involves keeping the meetings running according to parliamentary procedure which I have no clue about. However, I have listened to George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic.

That may not fly in white bread St Charles, IL. I best stick with Sergeant at Arms. Once I am a Sergeant at Arms, will I quality for discounts given to military veterans. No? That’s OK. I should be able to skim enough off cover charges to make it worthwhile.


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