Whoopee Cushion – Free to a Good Home

Last night I attended the Kane County Democratic Convention. Yes, it was as staid as it sounds. I was ready for a rollicking good time at a convention with cigars, whoopee cushion, hand joy buzzer and hip flask. I was excited about using all of them, but I really wanted someone to shake my hand.


C’mon, someone please, let’s shake. Pay no attention to that metal device in my hand.

I had seen political conventions before. They look like a rollicking good time.

Trumps Unhappy

Uh, let’s take a look at the other one.

Hillary Balloon Drop

What’s more fun than confetti and balloons? Oh right, whoopee cushions, joy buzzers, cigars and alcohol.

But that was not to be the case last night. It went on without much fanfare as I barely even got to vote and was unable to sell my votes as I had hoped. Who wants these non-paying county party positions that are a lot of work anyway?

Not me. I set my sights on a non-paying township party position. I blogged about my desire to be Sergeant at Arms with hope of qualifying for a military pension. Instead, I was nominated for 1st Vice Chair. My imagination filled my head with ideas of what vice we could be talking about. I was intrigued enough to accept the nomination, and since there was nobody dumb enough to run against me, I am now 1st Vice Chair for the St Charles Township Democrats. Liquor? Drugs? Gambling? I can’t wait to find out. I have experience with most every vice, so I think I am actually well-qualified for the position. I can’t wait to do my part for the Democratic Party.