Tag: skin cancer

My Dermatologist Won’t Take My Advice

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

But who in their right mind would? It would be challenging to find anyone who would admit to taking my advice. I have seen a lot of my dermatologist recently as she carved away more skin cancer from my noggin. I was hoping that in lieu of payment, I could do some “consulting” work for her. I have spent almost all of my career in sales & marketing, so I thought I could help her out with some ways to promote her business and make her waiting room even busier.

I had noticed more women than men in the waiting room. On my initial recent visit to my dermatologist, I shared with her a way to draw more men to her practice. For every visit a man makes to her practice, offer a free transplant of 5 hairs. I’d be in to see her every couple weeks for excellent dermatological care and a better hairline.

On my next visit to her for the actual surgery, I wasn’t sure if I was more excited to have my cancer removed or get 5 hairs planted on top of my head.

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My Dermatologist Doesn’t Want Me to be a Star

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Who does? I’ve encountered all sorts of obstacles on my way to Hollywood. My first movie role as Racist Restaurant Patron was eliminated when my scene was cut after the restaurant backed out of allowing filming in their place. I secured my next role as Office Worker, but family obligations conspired to keep me from attending the filming. We celebrated our youngest daughter’s church confirmation on the morning of filming and attended an Eagle Scout ceremony during the afternoon of filming. By the way, the Scoutmaster really missed a great opportunity at the end of the Eagle Scout ceremony. How about finishing up the ceremony by rocking out to Robin Trower’s “Day of the Eagle?”

I did audition for a speaking part as Family Member #2 in a film but was not selected for the role. I guess that’s more on me than anyone else’s fault because of my complete lack of acting talent or training. I have an audition this weekend for a speaking role in an indie feature film about punk music called Screw City. I’m hoping my affinity for punk music will be evident and make them overlook my dearth of acting talent and training I mentioned before.

So, you may be wondering what my dermatologist has to do with all this. Well, I went under her knife this week for a skin cancer removal through Moh’s surgery, which I understood to be a gentle scraping of layers off my skin until all the cancer can be confirmed removed. Instead, it looks more like I had Moe’s surgery.

I’ll caution those more sensitive readers (what are you doing at this blog anyway?) to not click to continue reading. This is the result of my surgery.

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Vampire Resistant

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

Well, I tried. I really did. I went to my appointment earlier this week and got my mini-physical. Turns out that I’m in excellent health, thank you. Although I’m not sure how good of a physical it really was as they would not let me drop my pants or take off my shirt in the office. I then answered a bunch of questions about my health history before I was ultimately rejected and went home in disgrace. Just to clarify, in disgrace is normally how I return home from everywhere.

That’s right, they didn’t want my donation of blood plasma without a doctor’s note from my dermatologist verifying that she has my skin cancer under control. No problem, right? Uh, actually …

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Spot On

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 4 Comments

I saw my dermatologist for one of my biannual check-ups so she can check out all my suspect spots that have developed over the past six months. As a skin cancer survivor, I take it very seriously, which is great to write about in a humor blog. Anyway, there were a few spots that concerned me. The good news is that my dermatologist dismissed almost all of them as AKs (precancers that she freezes off), SKs (harmless growths that I freeze or chemically burn off), and Special Ks. No, wait, that last one was my breakfast cereal.

But there was that one spot on my arm that neither one of us liked. We consulted with each other and agreed to take a biopsy. Fortunately, she thought it looked no worse than a basal cell carcinoma, the least dangerous of the skin cancers. And she appeared very impressed with the sebaceous cyst I lanced and drained myself. But then she dropped the news that may change the future course of my life.

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I’m Mad At My Dermatologist

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I have 2 excellent scars that I am more than willing to show you. However, one is on the bottom of my foot from the time I was standing on a fish bowl while playing with my bird. What’s that? You don’t understand? I think that statement was quite explanatory. The other excellent scar is on my back from one of my skin cancer removals. Nobody wants to look at that scar buried in my back fat. So, with my recent skin cancer removal from my leg, I was excited to soon have a very visible scar. I mean, that Harry Potter was so lucky.

Harry Potter Scar

Such a cool scar and all he has to do is lift his hair. Based on my hair or lack thereof, such a scar on me would be visible 100% of the time on me. Well, at least this leg scar of mine will be easily visible if I keep my left leg shaved and wear shorts all the time.

I’m heading out to a restaurant tonight and I was ready to cross my legs and show-off the scar. But this has happened … Continue reading “I’m Mad At My Dermatologist” →

Hard Water

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I retired our pool liner last year. It had gotten brittle over several seasons of use (I can relate) and had started springing leaks (I can also relate) that I was patching. I figured there would be no problem purchasing a replacement liner for a 4 year old pool. Boy, was I wrong (I relate too often).

Apparently, my old pool liner was a death trap because of only 1 filter intake line. That design was deemed unsafe for some reason, discontinued, and replaced with a dual filter intake line. So, I couldn’t get the replacement liner I needed. The simple solution seemed to be to just buy a complete new pool. Nope, that was also not an option.

Due to the COVID-19 coronavirus, pools are in short supply. And when I found one like my old $350 pool, they were priced over $1000. A discount grocery store near us advertised a reasonably-priced pool, and people were lined-up at 6AM waiting for the store to open at 9AM to get a pool. Back to the replacement liner option for me.

By studying replacement part lists for the various styles of pools from the manufacturer, I decided that by enlarging holes using the precision of a brain surgeon (I cannot relate) and slapping a patch on another hole, I could make a current model pool liner fit the hardware from our old pool and make the filter system a death trap again. Except … pool liners are in short supply. I calculated that by adding cable ties and duct tape, I may be able to make a random liner from another model of pool fit the hardware from our old pool. That was a sketchy plan at best, especially when I accidentally ordered a 15 foot liner rather than the 16 footer that I needed.

I could sense something was wrong as I was assembling the pool. It didn’t seem quite right (I can relate). I got to almost the end, there were leftover parts, and the pool hardware wouldn’t fit. I cut down and drilled one of the metal parts, and voilà …

Pool 15 foot

Not only do I have a 15 foot pool, but it seems sturdier than the original 16 footer. As a bonus, I did not have to use duct tape and now have a couple spare metal parts.

It looked great. I was ready to enjoy it and get some exercise. Only 352 laps to a mile! But then, the weather got chilly. Oh, and I got cancer. I’ll explain … about the cancer part. You should be able to figure out the chilly weather part yourself.

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A Ticklish Problem

~ Jim Flanigan

I went this week for a semi-annual full body check by my dermatologist. I have some history of skin cancer, so I can usually count on my dermatologist to take a few bits and pieces of me every visit. I was not disappointed this time.

As I sat in the waiting room before my appointment, I was taking a mental inventory of all the suspicious spots on my body that I wanted my dermatologist to take a look at. Temple, chin, chest, back, and left leg all harbored spots I didn’t like. And then I saw an unknown spot on my right leg. I was genuinely startled. That one looked nasty. How could I have missed it before? It looked something like this. In fact, it looked exactly like this because this was it …

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Hat Trick Denied

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I was hoping for a hat trick. No, I’m not talking about our hometown Chicago Blackhawks and their quest for Lord Stanley’s Cup.

stanley cup.gif

They did not make the playoffs. I am talking about a personal hat trick. I got the phone call from my doctor’s office, and I can’t begin to express my disappointment. Test results were positive. Positive? Positive is always good, right? Nope. I have cancer again, and I am very disappointed in the type.

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