Hard Water

I retired our pool liner last year. It had gotten brittle over several seasons of use (I can relate) and had started springing leaks (I can also relate) that I was patching. I figured there would be no problem purchasing a replacement liner for a 4 year old pool. Boy, was I wrong (I relate too often).

Apparently, my old pool liner was a death trap because of only 1 filter intake line. That design was deemed unsafe for some reason, discontinued, and replaced with a dual filter intake line. So, I couldn’t get the replacement liner I needed. The simple solution seemed to be to just buy a complete new pool. Nope, that was also not an option.

Due to the COVID-19 coronavirus, pools are in short supply. And when I found one like my old $350 pool, they were priced over $1000. A discount grocery store near us advertised a reasonably-priced pool, and people were lined-up at 6AM waiting for the store to open at 9AM to get a pool. Back to the replacement liner option for me.

By studying replacement part lists for the various styles of pools from the manufacturer, I decided that by enlarging holes using the precision of a brain surgeon (I cannot relate) and slapping a patch on another hole, I could make a current model pool liner fit the hardware from our old pool and make the filter system a death trap again. Except … pool liners are in short supply. I calculated that by adding cable ties and duct tape, I may be able to make a random liner from another model of pool fit the hardware from our old pool. That was a sketchy plan at best, especially when I accidentally ordered a 15 foot liner rather than the 16 footer that I needed.

I could sense something was wrong as I was assembling the pool. It didn’t seem quite right (I can relate). I got to almost the end, there were leftover parts, and the pool hardware wouldn’t fit. I cut down and drilled one of the metal parts, and voilà …

Pool 15 foot

Not only do I have a 15 foot pool, but it seems sturdier than the original 16 footer. As a bonus, I did not have to use duct tape and now have a couple spare metal parts.

It looked great. I was ready to enjoy it and get some exercise. Only 352 laps to a mile! But then, the weather got chilly. Oh, and I got cancer. I’ll explain … about the cancer part. You should be able to figure out the chilly weather part yourself.

I had to go in to get a simple skin cancer removed from my leg. Except, it was not as simple as I had hoped, and 7 stitches later, I was looking at this last night.

Leg Bandage

I pondered my future. Pool use was likely out in the short-term unless we want red-tinted water to enjoy. And long-term, I was concerned that my career as a leg model for such publications as Men’s Hosiery Monthly and Garter Gazette Quarterly was in jeopardy. Subscribers have described my legs as fit and toned, but with a subtle suppleness and not off-putting muscularity.

I decided to take a look at the full extent of the damage. Do NOT click to read further if you are squeamish. You have been warned.

Leg stitches

That is definitely going to leave a mark. On the minus side, I will not be using the pool for a bit, it is painful, and walking seems like bad idea. On the plus side, I am cancer-free for the moment. Use sunscreen this summer. This fulfills my court-ordered obligation for Public Service Announcements.