And Now The Bad News …

Yesterday, I shared with you some positive (I hope) changes going on with my family. But today, sadly, there is bad news. First, I didn’t get the movie role of a distant father who can’t connect with his daughter. Offering me that part would be typecasting. So, why didn’t they choose me for the part? Probably my utter lack of acting ability, but I won’t discount my demand for a bowl of only blue M&Ms on the set at all times, even when I’m not present. It’s probably for the best as I am spread thinner than my hairline these days.

And I didn’t have to go far this morning for more bad news. All I had to do was look out the window to see this …

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I Got Vaccinated, or Did I?

I really don’t know for sure. Not for COVID, silly readers. I’m twice vaxxed and boosted against COVID. I just got vaccinated against RSV (click HERE for more info on RSV), which stands for Respiratory SomethingIcannotspell Virus. Or, did I get vaccinated? I really don’t know. I’ll explain.

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I posted my last post when I was sleepy and upset about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, and I made a grievous error. Rather than 2016, I typed 2020 in this section …

“Ukrainians elected a comedian as president. How could they be taken seriously? Yes, a similar argument can be made about the USA in 2016, but that’s a blog post for another day that has already been written by many and read by millions.”

Yeah, 2020 in there sure changes the meaning and might piss off a lot of friends. I have a good mind to hire an editor and fire them immediately over such a mistake. So, sorry if that error got your undies in a bundle. It was unintentional. Thankfully, readership of this blog is low!

A Holiday Gone to the Dogs

I had some time off over the Christmas holiday, so I focused my attention on the dogs, much to their dismay. We have 2 dogs now, a standard poodle and a rescue mutt that is part basset hound and part slinky. Our poodle Lola grew to be a bit larger than we had hoped, so I tried to turn her into a toy poodle over the holiday. Was I successful? Take a look and you be the judge.

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I Made a Friend at the Hotel Pool

As we traveled last weekend, I made sure I got my laps in at the hotel pool, because as readers know, I am swimming across Lake Michigan. One added benefit is that I made a new friend at the pool. I do consider myself America’s friend and sweetheart. He was an older gentlemen, and we were alone in the pool area, ostensibly to swim laps. But he confronted me with, “Can I ask about your weight?” Uh-oh. I looked for the closest exit in case his next question was an invitation to join him in the hot tub. But it wasn’t. He just had a question about my weight. Then my mind flashed to this tweet I had seen and wondered if his question might go this way.

But our conversation didn’t go that route. I told him that he could ask away, and he asked me this legitimate question.

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I Solved a 40+ Year Old Mystery

The 40+ year old mystery had eaten away at my soul like athlete’s foot has eaten away my pinky toe, leaving just a stump of flesh and bone with a nail. Hmm, upon further review, that’s what a pinky toe is normally. Bad analogy. Regardless, the mystery of the band I saw in my first concert while on my first date has been solved. Okay, technically it wasn’t my first concert. I had been to a zither concert (no kidding) with the neighbor kid across the street and his dad. But that doesn’t really count, because we just explored the building and screwed around while the zitherists were zithering. Anyway, the mystery involved my first rock concert on my first date, and it has been solved.

I hurriedly gushed out all the details to my wife. Her crossed arms and steely gaze signaled to me that she would be mad if I left out any detail. When she told me, “You realize that I don’t know any of these people you’re talking about,” I understood that she wanted me to fill her in on every little detail so she would feel she knew the people. I hadn’t seen my wife so excited to hear one of my stories since I regaled her with news of how I resolved my ingrown toenail issue.

Editor’s Note: Sorry about a second toe reference in the first two paragraphs, but the idiot insisted it remain in this post. Might be some sort of weird fetish.

Anyway, I shared the mystery resolution with my wife, and now I’m prepared to share it with you.

Continue reading “I Solved a 40+ Year Old Mystery”

Holiday Blogging Exhaustion

Here we are on the eleventh day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, and I’m exhausted. I think I even have a case of the blog sweats, although the sweating may be due to recent overeating or snow removal.

We got our first real snow of the season Tuesday with precipitation continuing into the night. It was light and fluffy and beautiful … at first. Who knew the temperature would rise overnight? By the time I got out to shovel at 10PM, it was raining and the snow was as heavy as and the consistency of wet cement. There was no way my snowblower could handle that, so I seriously considered my options as my middle daughter and I tackled the driveway with shovels.

This seemed like an easier option …

I’m not sure I can legally buy a flamethrower in Illinois. If I can’t, it’s good to know that I can make one using a Shop-Vac and gasoline. It’s easy. Take a look …

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My Wife is Trying to Kill Me

My wife is trying to kill me with this …


No, she didn’t take the popsicle stick from the garbage and sharpen it into a stabbin’ shiv. She’s trying to kill me with the mac & cheese. No, she’s not trying to poison me, but she just about killed me by putting it in the garbage.

I enter this picture as the first piece of evidence …

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I enjoy our backyard pond. I dug it myself. While digging, I could have gone in a couple directions which I explained in this blog post. I have shed blood over this pond, and lost my boyish good lucks in the process. Despite the macabre aura of blood and death surrounding this pond, it was my quiet place, until my pond was literally visited by blood and death last night. Now it will have to be my quiet place of blood and death.

Continue reading “FIN”

Our Holiday Blog Schedule

I’ve given the staff of Jim Flanigan Looks at the World some time off over this holiday weekend to spend time with their children, some of whom also happen to be their nieces and nephews, but they wanted me to pass along this holiday snapshot I took of them at our Christmas party …


Without that good bunch of guys, I would not be able to keep a steady stream of drivel coming your way. Now without their efforts this weekend, here’s the unsteady stream of drivel I have lined-up for your reading pleasure …

Continue reading “Our Holiday Blog Schedule”

Travel Ban 2.0 Baggage

Breaking News …

Team Trump has clarified some details on the new Travel Ban 2.0. Please note, this is NOT a Muslim ban, as it seeks to restrict the freedoms of ALL darker-skinned travelers, regardless of religion.

First, travelers carrying these specific identifying carry-on items will be exempt from the additional security restrictions imposed by Travel Ban 2.0 and will be allowed free access in and out of the USA …

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Trump is Making Satire To Difficult

Sure, there is no doubt that I would have taken Trump’s official inauguration poster offered by the Library of Congress for $16.95 and altered it for comic effect. Blacked-out tooth, bald head, Alfred E. Neuman’s face, spelling error, etc. were all viable comical possibilities guaranteed to have my readers rolling on the floor with laughter as they typically do when reading any of my posts. If you are not doing that, please start. You don’t know what you are missing. That helps make my posts seem much funnier than they actually are.


Anyway, as you can plainly see, my handiwork was rendered unnecessary as Team Trump took the wheel and steered their inauguration poster directly into a brick wall with a basic spelling error. If you cannot find it, please stop reading this blog and head immediately to the Breitbart site, or better still, turn on Fox News where the ability to read is optional and actually a detriment to the enjoyment of their “news.” You will feel much more comfortable in your new destination.

There is not much I can really do as once again Trump’s reality trumps whatever I had planned in the way of a satirical rendering. I guess I could add some punchlines:

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Never Forget the Bowling Green Massacre

Kellyanne Conway gave us a sad reminder last night on MSNBC to never forget the Bowling Green Massacre that was perpetrated by radicalized Iraqi refugees in 2011. Her words that touched my heart last night … “I bet it’s brand new information to people that President Obama had a six-month ban on the Iraqi refugee program after two Iraqis came here to this country, were radicalized and they were the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre.”

It was only six years ago, but I have to admit I do not remember images of mourners laying flowers on the victim’s graves in Bowling Green, Kentucky.

(Not actual Bowling Green Massacre grave. Stock image grave used for comedic purposes.)

Let’s all take a look back at the facts surrounding the Bowling Green Massacre:

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