Here we are on the eleventh day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, and I’m exhausted. I think I even have a case of the blog sweats, although the sweating may be due to recent overeating or snow removal.
We got our first real snow of the season Tuesday with precipitation continuing into the night. It was light and fluffy and beautiful … at first. Who knew the temperature would rise overnight? By the time I got out to shovel at 10PM, it was raining and the snow was as heavy as and the consistency of wet cement. There was no way my snowblower could handle that, so I seriously considered my options as my middle daughter and I tackled the driveway with shovels.
This seemed like an easier option …
I’m not sure I can legally buy a flamethrower in Illinois. If I can’t, it’s good to know that I can make one using a Shop-Vac and gasoline. It’s easy. Take a look …
I fear that if Trump is re-elected, there will be a civil war in this country. For that reason, I have decided to carry a weapon. Ironically, I have taken Trump’s words to heart and will acquire the weapon he fears the most. No, not truth. Not Nancy Pelosi. Not guns. Listen for yourself …
No, she didn’t take the popsicle stick from the garbage and sharpen it into a stabbin’ shiv. She’s trying to kill me with the mac & cheese. No, she’s not trying to poison me, but she just about killed me by putting it in the garbage.
I enter this picture as the first piece of evidence …
I enjoy our backyard pond. I dug it myself. While digging, I could have gone in a couple directions which I explained in this blog post. I have shed blood over this pond, and lost my boyish good lucks in the process. Despite the macabre aura of blood and death surrounding this pond, it was my quiet place, until my pond was literally visited by blood and death last night. Now it will have to be my quiet place of blood and death.
I’ve given the staff of Jim Flanigan Looks at the World some time off over this holiday weekend to spend time with their children, some of whom also happen to be their nieces and nephews, but they wanted me to pass along this holiday snapshot I took of them at our Christmas party …
Without that good bunch of guys, I would not be able to keep a steady stream of drivel coming your way. Now without their efforts this weekend, here’s the unsteady stream of drivel I have lined-up for your reading pleasure …
First, travelers carrying these specific identifying carry-on items will be exempt from the additional security restrictions imposed by Travel Ban 2.0 and will be allowed free access in and out of the USA …
I had 3 experiences yesterday that I don’t like, all before noon. I don’t want to go into great detail, as I will save that for my analyst. Here they are, in no particular order except numerical, actually alpha-numerical if you look at #2.
Sure, there is no doubt that I would have taken Trump’s official inauguration poster offered by the Library of Congress for $16.95 and altered it for comic effect. Blacked-out tooth, bald head, Alfred E. Neuman’s face, spelling error, etc. were all viable comical possibilities guaranteed to have my readers rolling on the floor with laughter as they typically do when reading any of my posts. If you are not doing that, please start. You don’t know what you are missing. That helps make my posts seem much funnier than they actually are.
Anyway, as you can plainly see, my handiwork was rendered unnecessary as Team Trump took the wheel and steered their inauguration poster directly into a brick wall with a basic spelling error. If you cannot find it, please stop reading this blog and head immediately to the Breitbart site, or better still, turn on Fox News where the ability to read is optional and actually a detriment to the enjoyment of their “news.” You will feel much more comfortable in your new destination.
There is not much I can really do as once again Trump’s reality trumps whatever I had planned in the way of a satirical rendering. I guess I could add some punchlines:
Kellyanne Conway gave us a sad reminder last night on MSNBC to never forget the Bowling Green Massacre that was perpetrated by radicalized Iraqi refugees in 2011. Her words that touched my heart last night … “I bet it’s brand new information to people that President Obama had a six-month ban on the Iraqi refugee program after two Iraqis came here to this country, were radicalized and they were the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre.”
It was only six years ago, but I have to admit I do not remember images of mourners laying flowers on the victim’s graves in Bowling Green, Kentucky.
Let’s all take a look back at the facts surrounding the Bowling Green Massacre:
My plan was to march with my wife and two of my daughters in Chicago today at the Women’s March. I wish they did this two months from now so it would be the Women’s March March. I think that would make the march be more inclusive of stutterers and help swell the number of marchers even more.
However, it feels like March in Chicago today, and it appears that there will be a record number of marchers, with or without stutterers. Alas, I will not be marching as my wife took ill last night. I have concerns about succumbing to the same malady and definitely do not want to be on a crowded train going to or from the march without access to a bathroom. Even if there was a handy bathroom, no single bathroom can control this illness (suspected norovirus) that just a week ago put our sleepy Chicago suburb on national news due to the outbreak closing our local high school for days.
Although I can’t march today, my heart and spirit is with all women and all marchers today including one of my daughters, family and friends. Stay strong.
My critics will say that the title of this post can apply to just about any of my posts. In fact, I was just informed via Facebook from a relative (through marriage, thank God) that I am definitely not funny. Well good, then that will make this post easier to write.
There is a song in the movie MASH called “Suicide is Painless.” It’s not. It may be painless for the suicider or suicidee (I am not sure of the proper term to use), but it is certainly not painless for those that they leave behind. If I wanted to make this post all about suicide song titles (and I don’t), I would follow with R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.”
The Right has battered and bashed San Francisco 49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick over his decision to protest violence against minorities by sitting during the national anthem. I just have a very simple question for the Kaeperbashers.
I’m leaving town for a few days. I may not have time to post. This bit of information has been known to spontaneously cause celebrations in some parts of the USA and several US Territories (NOT Guam since I am HUGE with the GuamiteGuamese people from Guam), and definitely not in Europe where I am a beloved figure and my blog is eagerly awaited by non-English speaking Eastern Europeans who immediately print each new post in order to line their birdcages. I know that there are some for whom my blog has become their heroin … highly addictive, primarily white and liable to put you to sleep.